


Body

by pastel_trans



Category: Boyfriend to Death (Visual Novels)
Genre: Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Car Accidents, Developing Friendships, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It applies I swear, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, NaNoWriMo 2020, Original Character Death(s), Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, RAPE/NONCON MENTION, Relationship Problems, To Be Edited, does that count...? eh sure why not, ill tag as i rewrite. please be careful reading this, mentioned nsfw, no beta we die like men, project diva, techincally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 52,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28831356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastel_trans/pseuds/pastel_trans
Summary: Written for NaNoWriMo 2020. Has to undergo rewriting.Basil's getting bored. Their job had fufilled them well enough, but they started conversing more with their coworkers... and will we talk about that one guy Dayton's hyping them up to get with? Past experiences are stopping them from anything, but it's worth a shot... right? Not everybody is like that one guy from high school.Even then, they're getting anxious and wanting a new job. They'd been there for far too long and had other, much brighter passions in life. Being stuck on the outskirts of town doesn't help their odds, though.
Relationships: Lawrence (Boyfriend to Death)/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	1. Ch 1

**Author's Note:**

> oh god i did it i did nanowrimo for the first time. 
> 
> this has to undergo HEAVY revisions. i don't have a list of TWs right now, so please be cautious. 
> 
> i pantsed this all i hope you at least laugh at it moderately cause i sure did when making it lol

When I was twelve, I made a life-ruining decision. What did you do when you were twelve? It's likely that thinking about it makes you cringe. I refuse to cringe at my past self, though. I wasn't having fun, but I was getting by. That's enough for me. 

I'm not barely getting by anymore in the same sense. As soon as the opportunity presented itself, I ran off to my friends house. I felt guilty leaving my pets and siblings, and I still don't know if they lived, but I don't regret leaving. I worked from there, and moved out long ago. It was hard to stay in contact, and we split up. I understood why, we both had our own work and hobbies to attend to. They, assumingly, had their own friends to care about. 

I ran the brush through my hair just one more time. Can't look perfect, so I may as well look as good as I can. Doesn't help that I naturally look like a trainwreck. No matter what I did, my long brown hair never stayed down. It was always staticy. I wonder if your hair is like that? 

We barely met and I'm already asking invasive questions. I'm sorry, I'm not good at talking to people. My name's Basil. I can't figure out your name, as we're very obviously separated, but I look forward to speaking with you throughout this story.

I exited my small bathroom and stumbled into the living room. I could run through my whole house in seconds. I wasn't fast, either. How big's your home? It's alright, I have a while to hear you out.

…

Huh? Yeah, I can't hear you. Feels good to talk though, right? I'm sure your house feels like home to you, no matter how big or small. Sadly, this house is far too small for me. Living in it has helped me live with many miscellaneous comforts, though. It keeps costs low, so I can direct my money elsewhere. 

I threw my hair into a ponytail, grabbed my bag, and left the house. Where do you work? Actually, I think it'd be less invasive to ask what you do. I'm alright with telling you where I work, it isn't really some big secret. I've been employed at a plant nursery for ages. 

Old? We don't have many people working there. I'm not sure what you mean by this being old. Regardless of your nonsense, I grabbed my keys and left the house. Before descending down the stairs, I stopped in my tracks. Did I lock the door? I turned around and checked. Apparently I didn't. I usually did it by default, so I figured I had. I guess your sudden appearance distracted me. It's alright though, I don't hate your presence. Rather, I find it really comforting. I don't like being alone. Even if you can't reply to me, it's good to know there's someone out there drawing a sketch of my actions in their mind. Unless, of course, you're an aphant. In that case, you're probably struggling a bit. That's alright, I'm an aphant too. 

I hopped into the car, albeit with a bit of a struggle due to the cold weather, and turned it on. I'll be sitting here for a bit, so we should talk a bit. I'd ask if you had any questions about me, but obviously I can't hear you. You might want to know what I'm wearing, I could look completely off to you. It isn't anything much, just a regular shirt, a black hoodie, and black sweatpants with bears on them. I wore leggings under my pants, just to stay warm. I was cold in July, so you can imagine how much I love winter. That's sarcasm, if you didn't catch it. Which is fine, I'm pretty bad at catching it too. 

What music do you listen to? I didn't think to answer that until I plugged my phone into the AUX. You won't hear what I'm listening to, but you'll know the title of the song. I guess you'll just need to deal with it. We can't influence each other. I like Tally Hall, as wack as one of the members is. It's just something I can't give up. You probably know the feeling. Some artist does some dumb thing, people say 'oh don't put people on a pedestal', but you can't stop listening to them. If I can be honest with you, I feel that 'don't put people on a pedestal' downplays it a bit. 'Everybody makes mistakes' shouldn't be applied to abuse. We should downplay the idolizing a bit, probably, but I feel that we should be able to expect that our favorite artists don't touch kids. Does that make sense? I might've lost you. I don't know if people would agree with me. 

Regardless, I put my playlist on shuffle and drove to work in relative silence. There was the occasional singing here and there, but it was relatively silent. I'm just not as excited today. 'Obsessed With You' from The Orion Experience is apparently Spotify's favorite song right now, as it's the thing it puts at the top of the shuffle cue often. I'm not complaining, I like the song a lot. 

Aside from the occasional person who believes their loud car is somehow a good symbol of their status in society, nothing happened. That's all I need to say and I bet you already know exactly what I mean. Like, come on man. We're all trying to make our morning commute, and your gigantic ego is killing the atmosphere. 

I stopped at the usually gridlocked section of town. You guessed it, it was gridlocked. It seemed to never clear up. Actually, I had never seen this place clear. I've lived here nearly my whole life. I didn't have much to think about today. I had the same schedule everyday, except for Saturdays. I'd get up at seven in the morning so I had plenty of time. I'd get up and get dressed, I'd do my hair, I'd tend to my own plants and do extra chores. Once it was 8:30, I'd leave the house for the day. I clocked in at 9:30, and left at 5:30. I usually offered to work overtime if they needed it, though. So, I ended up home much later than that, usually. I just didn't have anything else to fill my days with other than hobbies, and I usually got home early enough to attend to those if I wished. 

Was this happiness? You propose a funny question, dear friend. I'd like to say it is, but some would argue against me. I'm alive, right? I'm bored as hell, but I'm alive. That's enough for me. I set on driving the rest of the way to work. 

I clammored out of my car and took a deep breath. This is enough for me, really. I locked my car and walked through the front door. I'm happy I'm not the one who opens in the mornings or closes in the evenings. Or, well, that latter one happens a few times. At least I won't be alone during said closings this time, though. I crashed into the back room, where other employees were waiting to begin the day. One of them, named Maribel, was scrolling mindlessly on her phone. "Morning!" Nobody responded to me, which I expected. It was more so to let everybody know that I was there rather than greet everybody. I wasn't too close to my coworkers- they didn't really care if I didn't show up that day nor did they notice- but we spoke sometimes during shifts. You might say that that's a bit rude, but I didn't mind at all. Work's work after all, and I didn't mind being too into my work. 

I threw on my apron with various tools attached to it and sat down, joining the club of people scrolling on their phones. I didn't usually need any of the tools, but the manager said it'd fit the theme of the workplace. Mine was tan with a pink trimming, but others had different colors. It was one of the few personalizable things we were allowed. I make this sound horrible, but I really do like this job. The manager isn't terrible, which can't be said for other jobs I held. I didn't hold them for long, that's for sure. The clock struck 9:30, I clocked in. Others would clock in early and clock out late so they could get paid extra, but I didn't have a need for that anymore, luckily. I threw my phone in my pocket and went out onto the floor. We weren't supposed to have our phones when out of the floor, but who actually followed that rule? Nobody really comes by in the morning when we first open, so I went to hit the bags of soil. Like hitting bags of rice at the supermarket. It calls me. You probably know the feeling. Unless you don't have rice in your universe? Or you just don't get the urge to hit the rice. Regardless, it isn't like I'm wasting time. It's actually good for the bags to be flatter, so we can stack them better.

One of my pots actually needs a bigger pot. I don't grow much, just really small succulents. I've had to replant them before; but, I got a bigger plant recently, and it had to be repotted much faster than I thought it would. I've been working here for a good few years- I was 28 so I had time to barely hold a few jobs then transfer here- so I got that cool employee discount. I am also convinced I am the only one who uses it besides Dayton. They liked plants too, but they had a lot of them. I'm alright with my three small succulents and my one bigger succulent. I met them in the pots section. "So, which one outgrew?"

"Oh, just Elias. He's been growing rather quickly lately." They also like to name their plants, a venture I hadn't taken up yet. "What about you? How're your plants doing?"

"Alright, mostly. I think I need to give one of them more sun, he's kinda leaning." I looked at a pot that, when compared to Dayton's, looked really small. I flipped it over and checked the price tag. I am a dumb bitch, and am not excellent in math, but the base price was... yikes. This is why I stick to basic drainable clay pots. 

"That's likely, yeah. Do you think you want to try a new pot style? I'm thinking of picking up a hanging one." They shook their head and I watched their curls bounce around. "I'm thinking of going way beyond and getting braids. What do you think?"I turned to them. Dayton was what they chose as their name, and I wasn't going to dispute it. "I can't tell you how to control your hair, but I think you'd look good with them. And how much is that going to cost?"

They sighed. "Probably too much. My hair isn't short when straightened, you know?" 

I chuckled, remembering when they decided to straighten their hair for work. Entirely by their choice, they just showed up laughing about it one day. "I know, believe me. I remember that day. I'd be willing to spot you some cash, if you'd like. I know you don't like taking money from others, but I think you should be able to change your hair!" I walked over to them and looked at their pot of choice. White, as always. This one had cool, multicolor designs on it though. "A change will be good for you."

"I don't like accepting money but... I've been kind of down lately. I think it'd be good for me too." They put it back and looked towards me. "I don't want to take more than fifty dollars though, I'd feel bad taking more."

"That's alright, I'm just happy I can help." I stepped away satisfied. That'd suffice, for now. "Now, what was this about hanging pots?"

"Oh, right! They come at... a price; but, they look much better than basic clay pots. You should get a white one and paint it, that's what I've been doing." Won't the paint chip off, you're probably asking. I'm asking the same thing. It's likely that they apply a sealant. I don't know if my artist grade, Dollar Tree Mod Podge would be good enough though. It likely wouldn't, but there's no harm in trying, right? I picked up one from the top shelf and held it carefully with both hands. 

"I think I'll give it a shot. I own some paints and a sealant."

"Ah, actually, you might want to try a pot-specific sealant. Just in case. That's what I use." 

I shook my head dismissively. "It's alright, I'll paint it today and pick that up tomorrow. If you excuse me, I'm gonna go put this in the back so I can pick it up later." I listened to their goodbye yell as I left the corner of the store and made a beeline to the back. I set it on the table and took a note from the table. 'for basil - don't take' was what I had written on it. I placed it next to the pot and left the room. The manager was fairly relaxed, but hanging out and slacking wasn't really what you wanted to show her. I took out my phone. Oh god, it's only 10:30. 

I spent the rest of my day helping out other customers. We actually weren't too busy often, and only had a few regulars, so most of my shift was spent sitting at the checkout or talking to my employees. I took my pot, paid for it, and left the store. I waved goodbye at whatever poor soul had to check out today. I took off my apron at the car, as I was taking it home to wash it, and I took out my phone. Still held its charge, for as long as I had it. I opened the car door and put everything in the passenger's seat. 

I'd say you could've warned me about the stranger about to tap me on my shoulder, but you're there and I'm here. You couldn't have known about them until a sentence ago. Where were we? Oh, right, someone requested my attention. I turned around. They looked really scared, or just really nervous. "Can I help you, or?" 

"You work there, right?" I think I remembered seeing him come around every now and again. The others would likely know him. I had never helped this person before. He obviously recognized me or my apron before. 

"Uhm, yeah. I do. Is there anything you need?" I closed my car door and leaned against it. 

"I just... uh- need help finding a good soil type for succulents. It's my first time taking care of one."

Hey! I could do this! I returned his request with a smile. "I have time, let's go figure out what'd suit your plants best, then." I locked my car and pocketed my keys. 'Stranger danger' I bet you cry. I'll be alright though. My reflexes are fast and my legs are faster. At least, compared to those I knew they were. Plus this dude looked super terrified. I bet it took everything he had to approach me. What was he gonna do? "I don't have my work apron on, so my name's Basil. Just for your knowledge. I tried to be as friendly as possible. I didn't wanna freak him out. He mumbled something about me having a cool name. "Thanks! I picked it myself. And you are?"

"Ah- uhm-" He didn't expect me to hear him, did he? "-It isn't as cool as yours... I didn't pick it either, for the... record." 

"No need to defend it, I don't mind. I've heard some terrible names over my years. Yours can't be that bad. My deadname? A pun. Literally. I despise it." I smiled at him, hoping it'd calm him down a bit.

"Uh, it's just... Lawrence. Nothing special."

I opened the door for him. He hesitated a bit before entering quickly. "Sorry! Got this to do, then we can close!"

"Wait- am I bothering you?"

Too late. I'm already walking to the soil section with him closely following. Getting separated from me must've been seen as worse than following me reluctantly. "It's alright, I like helping people anyway. When they're nice, that is." 

"Right. Okay, so..." 

I didn't need to hear that much. I picked up a bag from the pile- god why were soil bags always so big- and looked around. We should've gotten a cart. "Can you carry that?"

"I'm alright, don't worry." We walked back to the register in silence. My coworker stepped aside, not bothering to sign out, letting me handle it. I scanned it, he paid in cash. I picked it up. "Can you carry this? Should I carry it to your..."

"I, uh, don't have a car."

I gritted my teeth slightly. "If you won't stab me, I can give you a ride? Is that alright?" I was eccentric, but I had a soft voice. I think being loud around him was the complete opposite of how I wanted to approach this. 

"Uhm- isn't it a, uh, pain though? I mean, if it isn't..."

"Nonsense! I'll live. Plus, it's fucking freezing outside. You shouldn't be catching a cold. Not during the holiday season." It was November second. Halloween was out, winter holidays were in. Honestly, and you may find this weird, I wasn't as excited for Halloween this year as I am for Christmas. I'm just happy October is over so I won't be attacked for being in the holiday spirit. 

"I don't know why it concerns you..."

"Because!" I quieted down a bit and picked up the bag. I carried it out the door into the cold, crisp air. Luckily, it wasn't breezy. "I care about everybody I see. I'm really... hyper-empathetic. Plus..." I opened the back of my car and dropped the bag in there. "Getting sick sucks. Nobody likes it. Except when it isn't that bad and you get to stay home from work. Otherwise, it sucks."

He chuckled- did I actually get the shy man to chuckle? It was a win in my book. I went to the passenger's side and opened the door for him. He got in slowly and closed the door, nearly slamming it. "Oh- I'm sorry." 

"It's alright." I climbed into the driver's seat. "I don't know my own strength either. I end up doing that a lot. Where do you live?"

I was directed to a smallish apartment complex in the middle of the city. I lived on the outskirts, so I never experienced parking in an apartment lot. Guess there's a first time for everything. We sat at the gridlock as I turned on the heater. "I'm sorry if you get hot- I'm cold all the time. Even in July, I'm in warm clothes." 

He smiled. "It's alright, I get cold easily too." 

He wasn't really making this easy, but I wouldn't be sitting in silence. "What music do you like?"

"Oh- uh- nothing in particular." He twirled his blond hair as he stared out the window. Not much for conversation...

So, play my own music too. Got it. 

I put on some Mother Mother as we sat at that goddamn intersection for at least 15 more minutes. "It's always, uhm, a bit of a struggle getting through here, right?"

Finally! Something I can work with! "Aha, yeah. It is. I live in the outskirts of the city, so I don't have to deal with all the traffic you need to deal with. I have to deal with this, though, and it's horrible. Actually..."

I proceeded to recall a not-so-interesting story about how I broke down by the KFC one when I was waiting to get through here. I had to get towed. After that, I saved for a new car. That one was decades old anyway, it was passed down through my friend's family and given as a congratulations gift to me for surviving. I'll always be grateful for it, but it broke down often.

He seemed to enjoy the story, and actually started telling me a bit about himself. He was 26- I shared that I was 28 after- and he was actually nocturnal. I had to take a moment to remember when diurnal meant when he brought it up. My sleep schedule wasn’t what teenage me wanted to admit to. In other words, it was actually fairly healthy. He worked nights at a warehouse job. “So… You like plants?”

“Yeah! Actually, I do. Not as much as my coworker, Dayton, does though. I just grow succulents, as I’m a pretty busy person. I’d like to expand my reach someday.” He seemed to physically recoil at the mention of succulents, so I mentally decided to not bring it up again. “How’d you know?”

“Uh, you’re literally named Basil… You also have a hanging pot in the back of your car.” 

I kinda forgot that existed. I was tired, I’d need to remember to paint it tomorrow. Dayton would be disappointed they wouldn’t get to see what it looked like. In my defense, though, it isn’t everyday that I happen to drive a new acquaintance home. Which, speaking of…

I parked the car and got out. He opened the back. “I can carry this, if you’d like.” 

He picked it up in a swift motion. “It’s… alright. I got it. I shouldn’t… inconvenience you more.” 

It doesn’t bother me at all, but something told me I really shouldn’t push this issue. Were you telling me this? Maybe you were, maybe you weren’t. If you were, then why? I walked him to the front office anyway. “Alright, I’m off then. If you insist, that is. I’m tired, anyway. See ya later, Law!”

I heard him frantically mumble a goodbye before stepping into the elevator. I left the building. I had a habit of giving everybody I knew nicknames, no matter how well I knew them. He seemed pretty cool, if a bit apprehensive towards everything. I’d like to help him live a little. He seemed like a cool friend. I found myself hoping he’d come back to the nursery when I entered my car.

I did a good thing today! My main source of happiness came from helping others, and I don't really get to do that too often. I wonder if you find enjoyment in that, too. I don't think it's for everyone, it kinda requires a sense of responsibility. Like, you say you'll make someone something, and now you need to follow through on it. I know some people that wouldn't be able to do that. 

Back on the road, and roughly 30 minutes later I'm home. I took the pot from my car and closed the back. I recoiled slightly when it slammed down. I exhaled and carried my stuff to the door, not liking to be alone outside. In the dark, no less. I opened my door with a bit of a struggle- I nearly dropped my keys once- and walked into the house. 

I put the pot on the nearest kitchen counter and reached behind the broken toaster oven to turn on the lights. The kitchen light lit up all of my kitchen, and nearly all of my living room. Like I said, I can run throughout this house in mere seconds. I threw my keys to the washer and dryer combo. I decided I was too tired to deal with painting the pot tonight and collapsed onto my couch. 

I was the only living being that resided here now. The house had two bedrooms and one bathroom, with one of the bedrooms being used as a storage room. Ignore that my room also had a bunch of boxes in it. I think I just have too many hobbies. I'd give up some of them, but what if I'd like to pick them up again down the line? What do you like to do? Seriously. I'm not a big fan of sports, but that doesn't mean I'm bad at all of them. I like bowling, and badminton, but I never have anybody to play with. Instead, I focus on more artistic pursuits. Not to say I really like drawing. I like writing and kandi more. Less toxic communities, and I find more fulfillment from them. Seriously, why is the art community like that? I'm convinced no small creator is actually happy there. I also like video games, but that's another story for another day. 

I turned on the TV and sat for a bit, watching whatever was on at the time. I still had cable, but I didn't really use it that often. It was probably time to get rid of it, but I was just too lazy to actually do so. I didn't have good TV a lot as a child, so some part of me didn't want to get rid of my cable. I should probably make dinner, right? I hadn't eaten all day. I'm usually home earlier but... yeah...

I got up to heat up a rice bowl from Costco. That's a meal, right? Probably not a good one, seeing as I always dump it in soy sauce. I stabbed a fork through the film once, following the instructions on the package, and shoved it in the microwave for 5 minutes. God, I need to clean that thing. I should also get a new one, seeing as this one is years old and I only started using it after I broke the old one from forgetting to remove the foil-having top from my marinara sauce. If I had a nickel for every time I did that, I'd have 2 nickels. Which, it's weird that it happened twice. Putting it in the microwave I mean- I didn't break a microwave twice for the same reason. Also, most people would probably call this microwave small? I got used to it, though. 

I suddenly dashed out the door and down the stairs when I remembered my apron was in the car. I nabbed it and entered the house quicker than I had left it. Do you ever get that feeling you're being watched? That's how I feel here without the lights on, or going outside when it's dark. Doesn't help that I live in The Middle Of Fucking Nowhere and it's freezing all the time. I threw it into the washer along with other clothes that hopefully wouldn't dye it another color. Throw some detergent in there, put it on cold, and leave it for the night. I took my bowl from the microwave, put a bunch of soy sauce in it, and grabbed the same fork I stabbed it with. 

I wish the news was more optimistic. It always seemed like the world was in flames these days. I hear other places actually do get good things on their news. Guess we're too pessimistic for that. 

God, I should get a pet. It sucked being alone now. It was like there was something that should be in my house, but it isn't anymore. I never really sat down and thought about it. I should really get a therapist. Someday, I might actually do that. I just need to wait until I feel good enough to do so. I put my stuff away and shut off the TV. Not like I'd need to keep it on anymore. I walked to my- honestly rather soulless- room. It wasn't a lot, but it was home. I turned on the TV, changed into pajamas, took out my hair from it's ponytail, and took off my glasses. Ah, not being able to see. Comforting, yet also horrifying because now it looks like there's someone in my closet. I climbed into bed and closed my eyes. 

That's it. That's my daily schedule- minus the sudden acquaintance I made. It might seem kinda cool, working in a nursery is much better than a department store, most likely; but, it felt really dull after a while. I needed a big life changing event to happen. I've been waiting for one for a while now, and the last time it actually happened it was terrible. Maybe I should be more careful about what I wish for. 

I don't know- you might greatly envy me. You might feel great anger at reading that I'm not too happy with my current life situation. There isn't anything you can do about it, though. I'm not real, and all you could do is close the tab and leave. Then again, that doesn't really change the outcome of what happens. You're just refusing to face it. I can't say that's cowardly, as I am extremely unplanned and a spur of the moment idea. I don't know what's going to happen with me. I'd like to leave, honestly. I don't think the author has good intentions. I can't, though, so I'm not going to shy away from it. 

That's enough of that, though. What's a description of sleep that we're all tired of hearing? Something about fading to black. I don't remember when I fell asleep though. All I know is I suddenly wake up, and it's either in the middle of the night or it's the morning. 

So, I suddenly woke up.


	2. Ch. 2

I got up, did my hair, threw on my glasses, and changed out of my clothes. I threw my apron into the dryer- thank god I didn't forget to do that- and looked to the clock. 7 AM. I had a lot of time to do whatever. I threw some waffles into the toaster. What did I even want to paint on that pot? Probably some funky shapes in black. Like I said, I'm not too creative and I don't really like 2D art. What if it isn't as good as others out there? I never have visitors, but painting it will make me feel terrible anyway. What if someone sees it and makes fun of it? 

I put the pot under my sink. It clinked against the others sitting down there. They had collected dust.

Right, Dayton. I should stop at the bank and take out money for them. I unplugged my phone from the wall. Nothing interesting had happened overnight with the few people I actually talk to. Even then, they don't reply that often. So, I'd need to leave a bit earlier. I took my waffles from the toaster and put them on a plate. I sat down in my room, on my bed. The house wasn't big enough for a dining table, and I actually owned zero chairs. I ate, grabbed my apron from the dryer once it made it's loud, robotic noise, and grabbed my keys. I walked to the car and turned it on, waiting for it to heat up. I put my apron on- it was better than just freezing in summer clothes- and sat in the car patiently. 

I stopped at the bank, withdrew fifty dollars, and began the commute to work. Nothing interesting came to mind when I was at the gridlocked intersection. I parked in the same spot everyday. I opened the door and made a beeline to the work room in the back. I sat in a chair and took out my phone. 

Dayton never sat in the back with most of us before work started. She was most trusted by the manager, so she hung out on the floor. If anybody arrived late, she'd help them get clocked in. She'd be willing to tell the manager that the machine had broken again. We really needed new equipment. I took out my wallet about five minutes before work started and crashed through the door into the actual store. This was good. This would hopefully put me in a good mood. Dayton was tending to the plants outside, replacing their water and making sure they were getting enough sun. I tapped them lightly on the shoulder. 

"Hey hey, look who it is!" They turned around with a smile on their face. "Uh oh, you aren't looking too good. Did that guy from last night do anything to you? When I get my hands on him-"

"Woah, woah! Calm down! I'm alright, if not a bit flustered. Look I have the-" 

They dropped the watering can and placed both their hands on my shoulders. They stared into my eyes, with a completely straight look on their face. "Dude. You gotta hang out with him more- just look at you! You don't do that much for people-" they gasped- "are you trying to win his affection!?" 

I pushed them away at once. "What?! No! It's nothing like that, I just like being kind to people." I put my wallet back in my pocket and straightened out my apron from the earlier harassment I had endured. 

"Riiiight. Sure it is." How do you feel about this? I feel that people hate when others nag them about a crush or a love interest, but I actually didn't mind. Rather, I liked having someone so interested in my life and adventures. They picked the watering can back up and kept at watering the plants. "He's totally your type." 

"We barely talk- how do you know what my 'type' is?" Type in air quotes, because I knew I had about 5 standards for those I fell for. Dayton knew of none of this. 

"It's just a feeling I have. You were super jittery and even drove him home. Like, you won't even do that for me." They put their hand on their hip and rocked back and forth. 

"I won't do that for you because you'll keep asking for rides." 

"And would you mind if he kept coming by? He doesn't have a car, he walks everywhere. At least, if he has one, he never takes it here anymore." I thought it over. No cars at the apartment parking lot looked like they'd be his. I could be completely wrong, though. "He's asked about you a couple times, too. I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to at least be friends. He might just not know where to start."

Had I seen him before? The answer was originally no, but my memory was terrible. It's possible he might've come in before, and I just completely missed him. Is he a regular? If so, how long had he been coming in, wondering if he should ask me about where the pots were? Or, well, I guess it's pretty self centered to assume every time he came in he'd be asking about me. According to Dayton, he's done it at least a few times. 

Right, Dayton. "So, I came over here to actually give you that fifty dollars you wanted..." 

They put down the watering can and walked over to me. "Let's go sit somewhere. If anybody asks anything, I'll just say you got dizzy." 

We walked into the back employees room, at my request. Due to, quoting from me, "what if he happens to walk in and overhears us?". Not because I'm worried about him overhearing, but I just think it'd be unprofessional for them to yell at me about my supposed affection for him. We sat down at the raggedy and old table and I took out my wallet. I gave them fifty dollars and they pocketed it with a smile.

"Thanks! This'll help a bit. Anyway, let's talk about Lawrence and last night-"

"I don't have anything to talk about! I don't... like Law like that." 

They shook with joy, and it was also evident in their voice. "Look! You even have your own nickname for him."

"I have nicknames for everyone."

"Not for me, you don't. Or the other employees. It's just him." I sighed and shook my head. "Look, if you really want me to stop with this, I will. But I know when somebody's falling in love." 

"Let's... talk this over tomorrow. I... think I want to think about it. Even though I know I have no romantic feelings for him. Even if I did- we had one session of time together. I barely met him last night!"

"Love at first sight may be cliche, but the only reason why it's so common and has been for centuries is because it really does happen. It happened to me! Even if it... didn't end well." 

Love at first sight. Right, we'll believe it when cats fly. Unless you believe it, then I'll believe it when cats fly. "Yeah... Sorry about that all by the way." 

"What? You didn't even do anything. He was a coward, plain and simple. I'm happy y'all encouraged me to get rid of him." 

We stood up and pushed in our chairs, starting to actually get back to work instead of slacking. That made me feel better, but also left me feeling extremely conflicted. Is that really how last night looked? I don't ever offer people rides, but I thought I was just being nice. 

He could've totally walked home on his own, though.

God, I really didn't know. I decided to push that away and deal with it tonight. 

I addressed some other workers on the floor and I went to go assess the pots for any damages, just in case. I checked once, and twice, and thrice. Sometimes kids would come in here and damage stuff, or someone would accidentally drop a pot. My brain felt extremely foggy. Maybe I'd be the one to drop a pot. I put the pots back and decided to leave that alone for now. 

I tried to do various tasks that day, and the only one I could actually handle was checkout. It wasn't that bad, just a bit boring, and I could completely check out when doing it. 

So, what WAS last night? Love at first sight couldn't exist. So, why the hell am I sitting behind a counter checking out somebody's items? "Uhm... That'll be $22.57, then." I just wanted to throw my head in my hands and never look up again. Why am I even thinking this much about it? Dayton doesn't really know me too well, why would they know if I like somebody or not? He's just a stranger that I happened to help last night, and-

Oh. Oh no. At the sight of his blond hair and grey jacket in the doorway, I instantly dashed to the back room.   
I absolutely left a customer there, didn't I? Fuck. I don't know how I'd explain that one. Maybe Dayton can come through for me. Regardless of...  
I left the room and quickly speed walked to the bathroom. Yep, he's asking Maribel about something. Time to swallow the dysphoria and go into the girl's bathroom. I pushed the door open and quickly entered a stall closest to the door. I could say I got sick, that's a completely valid excuse. If I'm lucky, I'll get time off of work too to 'recover'. That'll hopefully be enough time to listen to angsty music so I can be done with this bullshit. 

He's always nervous- but he smelled like a decaying corpse! I like his hair though- but I barely fucking know this guy. I paced in the stall, flipping between admirations and icks I had towards him. People would suspect something at some point, though. What if I made myself look super suspicious by running in here after running to the staff room. It isn't like he can come in here and check on me- that's the only reason why I came in here- but what if someone else saw? 

I really can't afford to lose my job, though. I can make excuses that'll help a lot of shit slide, but I've never been known to get sick to the point of being in the bathroom for ages. This is gonna look super fucking suspicious but...  
I washed my hands, flung them around, and pushed through the door. 

I felt really nervous. Somebody's helping him, I'm just gonna... duck my head and go outside to see the plants. It wasn't the nervousness where seeing him would literally ruin my day, but it was more like I didn't know how I'd handle it. I had a pretty good history of handling my crush encounters well, it's just the lead up that... isn't so good. Additionally, my history of not saying dumb stuff isn't so good either. People called me weird- I liked the term eccentric more. 

I really didn't want to handle this badly. 

I picked up the watering can and put it down. I wiped my palms against my apron and decided to drain the plates that the extra water from succulents was caught in. Dayton always over watered them just a bit. It was crucial that the pots had good drainage. I picked up the plates and poured the water on the floor, one at a time. 

I could take this. You've probably handled something like this before. Except when I did it, it didn't go too well in the end. At any time. 

The rest of the evening was fine. It was just that one time that sent me into a panic. I threw my apron onto the table and grabbed my keys from them. I walked out to my car, opened the door, got in, closed it, and rolled down the window. I must've sat there on my phone for a good thirty minutes. Maybe. If he was out tonight-

What? I threw my phone onto the passenger seat and rolled up my window. What kind of nonsense am I thinking? I completed the drive home in relative silence, except for me singing the occasional favorite song that came up on Spotify. This really couldn't be happening. 

This much denial isn't normal, right?   
It also isn't normal to fall in love this quickly, so...

This whole situation was weird. 

I crashed into my empty home and slammed my door. This is fine.   
This really wasn't fine. 

I opened my phone to an email from my boss saying she wanted to see my tomorrow in the morning. Ohh man, am I about to get fired for some grade-level crush? I might. Which, that might also be the push I need to actually get the hell out of town and to move to the city. Living here is cool and all, but you get tired of most of the population being rogue winds after a while. You also know everybody, since this is more of a small town outside a city than a suburb area. I didn't know Law, though. He probably doesn't come out here too often for anything other than the flower nursery. 

If I went to his place- that'd be weird wouldn't it? I'm kinda hoping the more I talk to him, the more I'll hate him. Maybe once he actually warms up to you and talks to you willingly, he's super annoying and generally terrible. What if that doesn't happen; or, it'd be worse if it did happen and my problem wasn't solved. 

So! What was on TV? TV was always the way to get my mind off stuff. I threw on cartoons- you can really enjoy cartoons at any age- and tried to immerse myself in them. No matter what, it didn't work. 

So, plan B. I know of things like Y/N and H/C. So maybe those would work for communicating with you? What's your name? I think it's subjective, but I like Y/N as a name. Basil's kind of basic, I won't lie. I've grown oddly attached to it, though. 

Sleep's the best cure for anything, though. Right? Should I go to bed? Well, I guess there isn't a yes/no prompt, is there? If there was anyway, there's a chance you'd say no. I think the author is already working on a really ambitious choose-your-own-adventure story, so this isn't really the place for that. Maybe in the final draft, it'll make its way in. Anyway, though, I'm going to take initiative for the both of us and say yes. After eating dinner, of course. I carry various snacks around my person at work, so I never really starve. 

Last night I had a Costco rice bowl. Maybe I should order pizza someday. I don't think we're ready for that can of worms, though. Everybody likes breakfast for dinner, though... meaning, I'm throwing waffles into the toaster as I speak. You probably have better breakfasts than I do, but I actually hear that many people don't eat breakfast? I think it's important to have something for breakfast, no matter how small. You should try it, even if you only have fruit snacks. Food's food, right? The answer is yes, by the way. 

I waited for my waffles and jumped a bit when they popped up. That always happens to me, I swear. I put them on a plate and sat down. 

We're pretty far into this, I think I can tell you about my current pride and joy. I'm pretty old, and when I was younger, we didn't have a lot of funds. My friend did, though, and we really liked rhythm games. I've always dreamed of getting good at them, particularly at Project Diva. I managed to pick up a Switch lately, and I actually preordered the Project Diva game for it. I'm about 180 hours in. I got the game in May, and it's currently November. I try to play it for at least thirty minutes a day, otherwise the skills I've worked so hard to build will diminish. I learned that the hard way. 

Anyway- the point is that I've gotten pretty good at it. I went from playing hard songs to... this. I passed my first extra extreme 10 star the other day, and I'm feeling pretty good about my practice on other 10 star extreme charts. You might not even know what I'm talking about- you should go see what I'm talking about. I hope over this time, you grow a fondness for this game as I have. 

I ate my waffles, and grabbed the controllers from the Switch. Clicking them into the Joy Con mold, I sat on my couch. My preferred warmup song was World's End Umbrella on extreme, and anything after that was unlocking songs in extreme and extra extreme or practice for 10 stars. It was almost the same cycle everyday, but playing this usually made me feel a bit better. Even if I left for bed in pain sometimes. 

I went to unlock some songs in extreme and extra extreme for thirty or forty minutes. After, I stretched my arm and hands, which did emit a few cracking noises, and I put the Joycons back on the screen. That's my actual nightly schedule, I think I just failed to mention that part. 

Eh, I thought I was good at the game, at least. I'm having fun, and that's what matters to me. I often looked for harder games and challenges to overcome. I don't know what I was trying to prove to myself or others- if I was trying to prove anything at all. I felt like there was something I was chasing, though, that was always out of my reach. 

Maybe it's a life change. I've been here for... as long as I can remember. I never liked how cold it got in winter and fall. Summer was always my favorite season for that reason alone. Yeah, winter was cool and all, but y'all ever not die because it's below freezing outside. Maybe the desert would fit me more than a freezing town outside a city. We have that cool gridlocked intersection, though, so it can't be that small. It's either that or that's people from elsewhere making the commute to the city from elsewhere. 

Seeing how it gets busier during the weekend, I was willing to bet on the latter. 

I threw my pajamas on, took out my hair, took off my glasses, and climbed into bed. I fixed my blankets and buried my head into them. This was my safe place, with my face against the soft blankets.  
Don't take that the wrong way- It's just comfortable sleeping here. Comfortable enough, at least. 

I fell asleep fairly quickly. This is a new trend, as I usually have a moderate amount of trouble getting to sleep.


	3. Ch. 3

In my fairly humble opinion, a nightmare doesn't necessarily need to be stereotypically scary to be considered a nightmare. If something is scary to you, or disturbing, then I would think it counts as a nightmare. 

In short, I can't even escape Law in my sleep. That didn't ease my worries at all. You might be laughing right now, and I'd be tempted to laugh too. Except, this man might cause me my job. Speaking of... I need to meet with the manager this morning, don't I? Florence sounded super strict, but she's really... floaty? I think I can get away with this by explaining that I was sick. Unless this meeting isn't about the absolute disaster that was yesterday, in which case I don't know what she could possibly want with me. 

I threw my hair up, changed, put on my glasses, and shoved some waffles in the toaster. I played Project Diva for a bit while eating, opting to get my practice in now rather than later. It'd ease my anxiety, at any rate. I grabbed my stuff and left the house earlier than usual. 

I tried to listen to uplifting music on the way to work. I was just worried about being fired, and nothing relieved that fear. I speed walked through the front doors and into the employee room. A bunch of people- notably Dayton- were absent. I guess I came in way too early. Dayton might be getting their hair done today, though...

"Basil, good to see you. Can I talk to you in my office? I'd ask for Dayton too but..." Florence looked around. "...Yeah."

I stood up and grabbed my keys off the table and followed her into a room in the back of the employees room. In other words, a side room off a side room. Never a good thing to have. 

I digress, though. I pulled out a chair and sat down as she circled around her desk. "Don't worry, it's nothing bad. Well, it probably isn't. I guess if this is a bad thing or not could be subjective..."

...So I'm not being fired? I mean, I guess I count that as a win. She wanted to talk to Dayton too, though, and that worries me a bit. I think I can hold off without them, but if Dayton tells her an entirely different lie than what I told her...

"A very long story short, they'd like to get rid of some of their... less competent employees in the city. Nathan and I talked it over, and we agreed that we should ask you if you'd like to transfer there." 

...What? 

"We can't make you, of course. I don't know why you'd like to stay here, though. We're willing to negotiate a pay raise, if you'd like."

"Well, yeah of course I'd like a pay raise..." Was this really right, though? I mentioned wanting to move out to the city, but I didn't think I'd keep working under this chain. I know I need a change in my life, but I wouldn't be able to leave Dayton here, at least. What if they decide to not go, and I end up being alone?

Then there's... the other problem. Law never actually went to the shop in the city, I'd likely never get to see him again. Isn't that good though? 

"...I'm going to need to really think it over. I don't know how long it'll take. Give me a week, max."

"That's a long time, but I'll see if I can convince him." It's a week- the world isn't gonna end in a week. "You're free to leave, Basil."

I stood up and walked out without pushing in the chair. 

Dayton walked past me into her office. I walked back to the employees only room, and threw on my apron for the day. Maybe that... wasn't the type of change I was looking for. 

I threw out a broken pot that day, and Law hadn't come in. I was getting ready to clock out when Dayton tapped my shoulder. "Basil-"

"-Are you gonna do it?" I finished their question automatically, without being sure of what it actually was. I pushed my time card into the machine and put it to the side. 

"...I came to ask you the same thing." I moved to the side and they clocked out. We walked outside and stood outside the sliding doors as they locked up. "What do you think?"

"...I really don't think I can go, honestly. I know it'd be good for me but-"

Dayton looked to me with a smile. "You ready to admit it?"

I threw my arms up and chuckled lightly. "Alright! Fine! I had a whole fucking crisis yesterday when he came into the store. You... were right." They grabbed my shoulders and flung me around mercilessly again, cheering that they were right. "Calm down! You're gonna hurt me." 

They took a bit to calm down, but once they did they shook with glee. "Y'know, he actually asked for you yesterday. Did you really make the right choice in running away?"

I sighed and sat on the curb, them following suit. "I don't know. I don't know how I'd handle that encounter, honestly."

"Well..." They picked a weed from a crack in the concrete. "...You could always talk to him. You drove him home without any problems. If you can survive that, then you got this." They held it out to me, and I took it from them. I didn't like to think of them as weeds. 

"I guess. But I didn't know I had... fallen in love then." The words felt foreign coming out of my mouth. "Even then- any of my romantic pursuits didn't end well before. Why would it end well this time?"

"I'm entirely willing to try and get information on him for you. I can be, like, a spy."

I squinted my eyes and hugged myself tighter. "What do you mean?"

They shook their head and scooted closer to me. "What I mean is that I'm pretty sure he likes you. I just need to... get him to trust me enough to tell me." 

"Dayton, he might think that you like him. The last thing we need is you two getting together." 

Dayton backed away and stood up, helping me stand after. "Oh hell no. I don't know what you see in him, sorry. I've already got a crush, anyway- they don't work here, just in case you'd ask." 

We walked to our respective cars, voices getting louder as we distanced. "You know what? Entirely fair. I don't know what I see in him either." 

"Sometimes that's just how it is, there's nothing wrong with that." I unlocked my car and turned it on. "Regardless, I can totally help you talk to him and I can be your spy." 

I sighed. "You know? Fine, I don't think I'd mind the extra help."

They climbed into their car and started it. "You won't regret it!" They yelled at me as they drove away. Really? Not even gonna let it warm up? I mean, I guess you don't have to- but I had always known that you should let it warm up for at least 5 minutes.

I shook my head towards their car and closed my door. I've waited long enough- I drove off towards home.

I did my nightly routine, as you should know by now. I had waffles again- I should really go grocery shopping soon. Maybe tomorrow, I'll do that. I decided to skip on Project Diva tonight because my hands were really cold from standing outside for so long. I couldn't play well if I could barely move my frozen fingers. I went to my room after taking out my trash and got into my nightly attire. Glasses on the windowsill? Check. Hair down, and hair tie on the windowsill? Yep. I climbed into my cold bed and hugged my also cold body pillow. I fell asleep listening to the sounds of my TV.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up, did everything I had to do- and still elected to ignore that unpainted pot- and I left for work. 

...I really don't think I'll take that job offer. Doesn't matter if Dayton does or not. That isn't the change I'm looking for. I...

I don't think I know what change I'm looking for. All I know is I'm bored, and something needs to happen in my favor soon before I lose it. A person can only go with the flow for so long. 

I slammed my car door particularly hard this morning on my way into work, so I made sure to close the employees only door a bit nicer. I slumped down into my chair and took out my phone. My eyes felt strained, and the words of the screen seemed to blur together. I put down my phone and closed my eyes. Was I getting sick? If so, I really shouldn't be working.

I was probably just tired. I'll check my temperature in the evening, but for now... I didn't really want to ditch everyone when I just got here. "Did you hear?" I turned my head to the direction of the voice. Maribel was talking to another coworker, one whose name I didn't know. 

"No? Unless you mean the power outage from last night." 

"Yeah, exactly! I hear the other side of town actually didn't get it- which is super unfair in my opinion." 

It's the power, how can it pick and choose where it goes out? I don't know if I live anywhere near her... but my clocks were all reset this morning. I know I didn't do that, and I was too tired to actually think anything of it. 

The other person twiddled their thumbs. "I mean, I hear that somebody got in an accident? Might've hit a pole." 

"The last time that happened, the power was out for the entire day! This one was just for a few hours." Maribel was an extremely animated person. They leaned forward when exaggerating something, and recoiled back when doubting something. 

"This time could be different, though. You aren't an electrician." 

"You aren't either!" She put her hand on her hip and smiled at the other person. I decided that I'd close my eyes again, and that the rest of their conversation wasn't of actual value to me. 

I threw on my apron quickly and rushed out the door to the floor when I realized I had fallen asleep. I took some boxes from the back and put out products on the floor all day, trying to avoid looking up at the lights that seemed to shine a bit too brightly. Everything seemed extremely off today- hell, the last power outage we had was ages ago. It wasn't exactly common around here. I held my arms close to my body and rubbed them together to create friction. God, I should go back inside- it's freezing out here. Which, speaking of, we'll need to move the plants inside and give them artificial lighting soon- or else some of them may die. 

I'd wait for someone to tell me to start that, though. I finished putting out some pots and took the empty box inside. I threw it in the employees only room because Florence liked recycling them and using them for other things. She'd come get them later... Probably. Last time, the boxes were left in here for weeks. Someone had to tell her we had boxes ready for repurposing. She never really bothered us. Which, I suppose I'm thankful for that. I can't imagine having a boss that constantly breathes down your back. It'd feel suffocating. 

I went outside and saw Law talking to Dayton.

Well, today can't get worse, can it? I need something good; but, if I fuck this up...

You don't know until you try, and nobody ever got anything they wanted out of staying silent and hoping they'd get it. 

"You're back!" I threw open my arms and instantly brought them back to my side as I walked over to them rather quickly. "Sorry, aha. Welcome back though, is there anything you need?"

Dayton suddenly took out their phone without giving him adequate time to reply. "Fuck, I gotta go. You don't look too good, Basil. I'll let Mari lock up, then." They took off before finishing their last sentence, yelling it as they ran off to the employees only room.

Oh no. Was this really how they planned on getting us to connect? By ditching us and letting it be awkward? No, I got this. I won't let this be like last time- it isn't going to be awkward. "I don't know why they ran off so fast-"

"-Are you.. okay?"

I eyed him curiously. "Huh? Yeah, I'm alright." I pushed my glasses up, and winced slightly when they pulled on my furrowed eyebrows. I took them off quickly, hissing slightly, and cleaning them. I placed them back on my face, fairly low on my nose. 

"I mean... You just look, uhm, tired. Like, you look really tired." 

I took out my phone and turned on the front facing camera. Oh god. I was also rather pale. "Fuck. I guess I'm not alright." I put it away like nothing happened. 

"I- uh- I really think you should... clock out early. If you can do that I mean- you might... not be able to..." He trailed off into silence at the end of his sentence. How early was it? I looked outside. Well, it was pitch black. Remember, I did say I work late most days. I essentially have a 12 hour work day. Not that I usually minded it, I had nothing better to do other than hobbies. Even then... I was usually unmotivated. I just went straight to bed most days. I was pulled out of my train of thought suddenly at the words "I should drive you..."

"Huh? Nah, I'll be alright." I missed the end of whatever he said, but I got the idea nonetheless.

"You seriously look like you're on the edge of passing out."

Holy fuck. That was a totally different tone of voice. It was nothing I'd heard before from him- it was really firm. Do I dare say it was kind of attractive? I think I do dare.

"... Alright, I won't refuse your offer then. Thanks..."

"I'll wait outside for you then, I suppose."

I nodded and walked wordlessly towards the employees only room. Dayton was sitting on the table waiting, presumably for me. "Hey! How'd it go?"

"He's driving me home early. I'm apparently too sick to work."

"Uh, no shit? Don't come in tomorrow. We'll survive without you, and you seriously need a break. You nearly fell today! Many times!"

"I'm always dizzy- you know this..." I took off my apron and took my belongings from it. 

"Yeah, but it doesn't cause you to fall over because everytime it happens, you sit down and actually take a moment. You're also pale as fuck and we don't need you giving some sickness to the customers"

I sighed and clocked out. "Doctor's orders?"

They narrowed their eyes at me. "Dayton's orders. I'll tell Florence that you had a family emergency."

"Gotcha. I'll say... someone died. Or grief hit me hard." 

"You okay, by the way? Seriously..."

I shook my head and opened the door. "Probably not, but what'll I do about it?"

I heard Dayton yelling about therapy to me as I closed the door behind me. Everything felt like it was spinning, but I hurried to the parking lot regardless. I met up with Lawrence. As soon as I stopped, I leaned against my car and closed my eyes. God, just don't fall onto him. That's the worst outcome.

"Are you allergic to mint?"

"Uhm... No?" 

I gave him my keys and walked over to the passenger door without waiting for his response. He took the hint and opened the door. He unlocked my door and I climbed in, leaning against the seat and groaning. He tapped my shoulder lightly and held out a stick of gum. "You're probably nauseous, take it." 

Focusing on it just made it worse. I took it from him and mumbled a thanks as I put it in my mouth. He turned on the car; and, while waiting for it to warm up, asked me a series of questions.

"Did you eat this morning?"

"Uhh, yes? I always do." 

"Lunch?"

I went silent for a few moments. "Uhm... No." It came out like an ashamed mumble rather than an answer, but he accepted it regardless.

"Right, how much sleep are you getting?"

"That's a, uh, good question." I thought about it for a while. I was getting, like, eight or nine hours of sleep. "Enough. Like, eight or nine hours if I'm lucky. Six or seven if I'm not." 

"Six or seven isn't enough, Basil. I doubt you're sleeping well, either." 

I combed my fingers through my hair. I knew he was right, but I really tried everything I could think of. I didn't know how to improve my sleep quality. He started driving down the road and started asking me more questions at the gridlock. "This might be weird but, uhm, do you have other health conditions? By any chance, I mean. Not to imply that... you have other conditions." 

He sounded like he was walking on eggshells. I threw my arms over my eyes as the road lights burned into my eyes. I took off my glasses and put them in a small compartment between our seats. "I mean, don't feel bad. I'm epileptic. Probably have some kinda brain funky-ness? I'm always dizzy." 

"I'm not a doctor by any means... I am knowledgeable in medicine though. If you, uhm... want to take my word for it? You should look into vertigo."

He stopped the car, presumably due to traffic. He unbuckled his seatbelt and seemed to hesitate. I looked over to see him shaking his head and taking off his jacket. He held it out to me and I took it from him, covering my eyes with it. He turned the heater on higher. It smelled like... wood? Plants are a given. Maybe he cut wood a lot, like a lumberjack. Also, getting some kind of coffee. That's something I hadn't smelled in a while. He buckled his seatbelt again and drove forward a bit. "Thanks... for all of this, I mean."

"Uh- sure! It's nothing..." 

I smiled lightly and went back to answering his questions. I was probably just hungry and tired. I didn't know what I had to eat that was light, though, as I already felt nauseous as hell. Bread's always a good choice, though. As are crackers. 

He stopped the car a while later. How long? I didn't exactly know. But I took off the sweater and realized that this wasn't my driveway. He got out and opened my door after turning off the car. "Where...?"

I looked around through squinted eyes. I grabbed my glasses from the compartment and put them on. This was... the complex parking lot? What did I agree to-

I don't think that's my biggest worry, though. "I'm gonna let you stay overnight... You'll be alright in the morning. If you aren't, you can stay a bit longer- if you want to that is." 

This man is nearly a stranger. I should run, shouldn't I? But... he probably had better food than me. And a better bed. I might sleep better.

"Do you have pets?"

"No?" His tone of voice almost indicated he was shocked rather than confused. 

"...Okay, thanks. I'll be fine, then. It's just... yeah." I chose to drop the topic for the time being. I shouldn't dump all my trauma on some stranger. 

I got out of the car after he locked the doors and followed him into the lobby. I held out his jacket, but he waved it away. I threw it on and huddled my limbs together. We stepped into the elevator, and he pressed a button that was fairly low down. "Floor... 14?"

"Out of 30, yeah." 

Maybe it wasn't that low. I guess my brain isn't working at it's best right now. This was a bigger apartment complex then, right? We waited patiently as the elevator went up. It stopped at his floor and I stumbled out of the elevator. He ran up by me and grabbed my shoulder. "Be careful- you... don't want to fall." 

"I'm sorry, I'm just not an elevator fan."

He nodded and exclaimed an 'ohhh'. We walked down the hallway towards the left and stopped at door 293. It seemed the doors on this floor ranged from 280 to 300- so 20 per floor. It seemed like it could hold more... but the building didn't look too big from the outside. He unlocked his door and quickly opened it, letting me go inside first. I walked in slowly. 

Plants. Everywhere. I'm lucky I like the color green. I also took about 5 steps and could see everything. This apartment was very small. The kitchen, living area- or actually lack OF a living area- and work space were all crammed into one pretty small room. There was a table in front of a door I elected to ignore. I opened the other door when he was locking his door. The bathroom was also small as hell. My bathroom was pretty tiny too, so this didn't shock me. But- god- at least my living room was bigger than this place. I closed the door as he came around the corner. He led me to his bed- the only bed in the apartment? "I don't really sleep at night, I'm nocturnal. You can take my bed." 

I laid down on it and leaned against the wall. I made sure my feet wouldn't touch the pillow as I sighed. Law was about three footsteps away in his kitchen, rummaging through cupboards and the fridge. I closed my eyes, feeling fairly weak. I heard him walk around a bit. Then, he stopped. "Are you in any kind of pain?"

"My legs kind of hurt, yeah..."

"Fuck, okay-" He walked off to the bathroom and my eyes widened a bit. Him? Cursing? I should've expected it- I don't know any person who uses clean language, but I had never heard him cuss before. He came back a moment later. "Don't freak out- your body's going to go a bit... numb. It'll help your leg, though. Long enough for you to sleep, at least..." He looked at me and looked back down at the container. "I'll just... mix it with your food. It tastes a bit foul on it's own. You shouldn't take meds on a, uh, empty stomach anyway." 

"I-" I stopped for a bit and yawned. He followed suit shortly after and I smiled. "-I'm just... kind of tired but- and I know I've already said this but- thank you." 

He smiled, something I hadn't seen since last night, and put the container down in the kitchen. He took something out of the microwave. "Of course, now... wait for a bit. I don't want to burn you." 

I didn't know what it was, but it smelled pretty good. I watched as he stared down at it, a bit stumped. He grabbed the container and put it down by me on the floor. "I'm gonna... yeah okay- I'm going to leave this here. You'll have to take it on it's own, I can't... really figure out a way to include it with the food." 

He grabbed a plate and took it to me. "It isn't much- certainly from a box at the store- but it's just... vegetables and chicken. So... uhm, it should help you." 

They sold gyoza at the store? Pot stickers- whatever you want to call it. "They just sell this? In boxes? This is news to me, I should get some." 

He smiled and hesitated for a bit. He sat by me after a bit of thinking. This was fine- I wasn't floundering like a fish and dying. I was just a bit sick.

He was just nice. That's all. 

"Yeah! They sell it in boxes of six. So, uh, it makes two decent meals." I ate in between talking to him. "So... what was that about the, uh, pets? If I can ask, that is!"

"Oh, uh..." I looked down and continued eating, sighing. "I've lost a good number of dogs when I was young to running away, aha... I've also dealt with pet death and threats of animal abuse. It's never... sunny here." I looked up and smiled. "It's alright though, I'm doing fine now." 

"Sorry if this is, like, rude but, uh... Are you?" 

I looked up at him. I was too dizzy and tired to actually comprehend what he said fully. I probably smell like a decaying corpse right now, too. There was a lot happening at once. "Hmm..." I looked back down and thought. I knew I wasn't really that happy, but was it my obligation to give all my life trauma to some stranger? 

I mean... he did ask.

"...Nope, I don't think I'm alright. I need a very large dosage of grief therapy- and just therapy in general." I chuckled to myself but stopped suddenly when I heard he wasn't laughing. Who would laugh at a time like this? "I'm functioning though? I, uh, I think that's good. At least, for now it is." I was not functioning correctly, actually. I was barely taking care of myself. It's gotten so bad that I'm in Law's apartment right now and he's taking care of me. 

He rubbed his hands together and went to turn down the heater. I heard it kick on shortly after as he sat down next to me again. "Are we... uh..."

I looked up at him. "Hm?" Love at first sight is something really rare, it couldn't have happened to him too- but what if it did? It's always a possibility-

"Are we friends?" 

Okay, maybe not what I was hoping for. I shouldn't be blindly running into a relationship anyway, we might not get along and we could easily fall apart. Regardless...

"I think so- if you consider us to be friends, that is." I smiled at him, the tip of my tongue pressing against the top of my mouth. 

"If you consider us friends... then I guess we are?" I clapped lightly and he looked away sheepishly. How much effort did it take to say that? I know I wouldn't have done it- I am nowhere near that bold. 

"That's that, then." I stood up and took my plate to the trash before he could interject and do it for me. I felt less faint now, and less tired. "Don't you have work? Not like, pressuring you to leave! I mean- I can go home..."

He seemed to tense up near instantly when I brought up the idea of going home. He stood up and grabbed onto my arm, then reeled back and sat down. "I mean- no! I don't... have to work tonight. Even then- I don't want you driving home anyway! It could, uhm, be dangerous..."

I've never had anybody care for me so much, it felt... really nice? I felt like this wasn't normal. It wasn't hurting anybody, though, and I didn't hate it. Why should I object? 

What do you mean this is a bad idea? I trust him, I'll be alright. We're friends, at any rate... I'm strong, and I'm fast on my feet. I shouldn't have issues running if need be, I'll happily take the stairs. Actually, I shouldn't be doing that. I'll probably fall. The elevator would be too dangerous, anyway. The stairs would be my only option. 

Besides, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't entirely comfortable with this. Suddenly staying at a new friend's house is... new? I'm sure it's normal to some people, but I couldn't go out much during my childhood, and I don't have many friends now. I have one friend now, and I'm okay with that. 

So, I smiled lightly and sat back down. This time, I sat closer to him. "Alright, then. Just making sure I'm not bugging you."

"I'm the one who invited you here, it isn't a big deal." I cupped my hands over my mouth and yawned. "You should... be getting to bed anyway. I don't sleep at night too much, so..." 

"What time do you get to bed, anyway? I'm usually in bed by... ten at night?"

He chuckled lightly. "Eh... I'm in bed by one in the afternoon, but usually earlier. I'm up by nine or ten at night. Usually nine." 

"And how are you more awake than me? We're up for the same amount of time, usually." 

"I just sleep longer... and probably better than you do too." I'm happy that he's stuttering and stopping less. It seems I've finally made him comfortable. I stared straight ahead, at nothing in particular. This? Was really nice. It felt really cozy here. "Like I was saying, though. You should, uh, be getting to bed... It's late, anyway, and you need to sleep. Let me... get that." He reached over across my legs and grabbed the container from the floor. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a tablespoon. 

Wait- a tablespoon? I know that's how much adults usually take for allergy medicines and stuff, but this wasn't allergy medicine. "Doesn't that spoon look... kinda big?"

"It's alright- it's just a powder mixed with water. Too much of it won't hurt you too badly." Right, numbing medicine wasn't given in a liquid. Like, ever.

Uh- wasn't overdosing a bad thing? I really didn't want to argue- my leg hurt like a bitch- but...  
I chose to just leave it alone. He's probably taken this before- and fuck I'm pretty sure he made it. He should know how much to give me. He brought the spoon to me and I took it hesitantly. I plugged my nose and forced it down my throat. Oh god, that tasted terrible. I'd take artificial cherry or grape flavor over this. I clamped my hand over my mouth and resisted the urge to gag. I hadn't tasted anything near this bad since I had to get that medicine that numbed my throat so I could actually eat- wait, is all oral numbing medicine like this?!

I took a deep breath after a few seconds as Law rushed to get me a glass of water. I took it from him and hastily started gulping it down. At least it worked to rinse some of the after taste from my mouth. I slumped down against the wall. "I'm sorry- I probably should've warned you again..."

I shook my head. "No- it's okay. I've had worse..." I sighed and ran my hand through my ponytail. I ripped my hair tie from my hair and ruffled my hair. He walked to the bathroom slowly when watching me and he put the container away. 

"Anyway- give it, like... ten minutes. Then, you really should be sleeping." I nodded tentatively. If he was being this friendly, I may as well do what he says. He seems to know better than me, at any rate. I moved to the actual pillow and climbed into his bed. I always did think sleeping on the floor was more comfortable than the bed, so I suppose a lesser quality bed would fit me better than the bed I have at home. I just laid there, facing him. "I'm just gonna... water the plants and... I could always pick up drawing." He trailed off at the end.

"I'm not a big fan of 2D art, but I say it's no time like the present. Go for it, what could go wrong?" 

He sat down next to me. "Why don't you like art?"

"I like 3D art- and I'm a writer! I just... I don't like 2D art. The community's terrible and I just... always feel like it isn't worth the struggle." 

He stood up and grabbed a couple pieces of paper and some pencils. "We should start together... or- I guess you'd be restarting?" 

I sat up and took the paper and pencil from him. Printer paper and a wooden pencil. Sometimes, it's good to go back to the basics. "Uhm... if you like this, we can go to my place sometime. I have a bunch of good paper and painting supplies and colored pencils I just... abandoned."

"That'd be fun, I think... Only if you're okay with it, though!"

I nodded. "I don't want to see my stuff go to waste. Besides, I'm essentially dying and you decided to house me for the night. I need to repay you somehow." 

He shook his head rapidly. "No! I mean- you don't have to repay me. It's alright." 

I pulled his jacket around me. Once you got over the scent of decay and coffee, it was actually pretty comforting. "I'd like to anyway, though. It's just... how I am. It isn't a pain for me at all, so don't worry about that." 

He looked down at his paper nervously. "If you say so... Then who am I to argue?" 

I looked at my paper. The dizziness was hitting me like a truck, but my legs didn't hurt anymore, at least. Could I really draw like this? I put the paper to the side and laid down. "I'm sorry I'm just... really fucking dizzy. We can draw in the morning- it'll be fun!"

"I was actually thinking... we could draw tomorrow night?" 

Tomorrow night? I had planned to be home by tomorrow afternoon. I was given the day off tomorrow, so I was planning to paint that pot. Or to rest more. Probably the latter. He's inviting me though so... who am I to say no? "Are you sure? I'd love to stay another night- but I really don't want to overstay my welcome." 

"You could never do that! I mean- don't worry about that. It gets lonely being by myself anyway..." He palmed at his fist in anxiety. 

He seemed to trail off again at the end of his sentence. "I'll take your word for it, then. Maybe you can say you got sick?"

He took out his phone. "Right... I got sick." He stood up and excused himself to the hallway, presumably to call about taking tomorrow off too. I didn't want to pull him away from work for too long- but if he insists... I'm sure he knows when to say no and when to go back to work, so it isn't a big deal... Right? I looked at the paper in front of me. 

It's been years since I've actually drawn anything physically. The last thing I drew was a building in digital art, and that was months ago. I didn't even finish the project, either. Every person who did art around me was always better than me, I couldn't stand it. I wanted to prove everybody wrong. Maybe I can start doing that... tomorrow. I just shouldn't be drawing right now. I looked up at the door and cut off my train of thought when Law came back inside. "We can be together tomorrow night, now. I fixed the problem..." 

The problem? That was a weird way to word working, but I guess it's a bit more common than I thought. "You don't like your job?"

"Not really- I'd like different hours... starting at eleven is just too late."

"You should... totally drop everything and come work at a flower shop with me. Just sayin'-" I spoke rather quickly, running my words together into an unintelligible mess

"-What?" 

"-Hm? What did you say?" I feigned ignorance, acting like I hadn't said anything at all. 

He seemed to catch a bit of it through my hurried talking. "Alright, I suppose." He took my paper and sat at the desk next to me. I took off his jacket and laid it on the side of the bed. I turned towards the wall. I didn't want to toss and turn too much, but I eventually gave up worrying about him. So what if he saw me? I had a really hard time sleeping because I wasn't in my pajamas. 

I sat up. "Do you... have pajamas? I don't think I can sleep like this." 

He stood up and walked to his closet. "No- you're right. With how you are... you should've been asleep by now." He took out an old shirt and some sweatpants and threw them to me. I caught them and got up, brushing past him and going into the bathroom. 

This room gave me bad vibes. I'll just say it now. I liked all of the plants but... It felt like somebody would break in here any moment, or I'd be locked in here. I quickly changed and left the room, looking behind myself every so often as I walked back to the bed. I put my old clothes, folded up, next to the bed and laid back down. 

That was way better. He sat back down at his desk and continued scrolling through his computer, and I turned towards the wall. 

I passed out fairly quickly, letting my drowsiness and dizziness take over.


	5. Chapter 5

I noticed one thing when I woke up, and that was I felt really nauseous. I was under the blanket facing the wall. I poked my head out from under the blankets and looked around. The rising sun was just barely poking through the blinds. I sat up. Having just noticed I was awake due to my loud shuffling through the blankets, Lawrence quickly shut his computer and turned to face me. "You weren't doing anything that important, were you? I mean- I can wait."

He got up from his chair and pulled it by the bed, sitting down. "It's alright, I was just talking with a friend." He leaned forward and studied me. "Right, how are you feeling?"

"Better for sure. Just sitting up because I feel a bit sick..." 

"Oh! Are you..." He looked down and almost seemed downcast. 

"No! Not at all! I don't want biological children. Ever. I haven't been placed in a situation where that'd be possible, anyway." 

He leaned over me and pulled up the blinds a bit. "Alright- I'm just trying to account for every possibility. I didn't... mean to imply anything." 

He sat back down. "Sorry, I really shouldn't have yelled or gotten loud. I'm a fairly quiet person- I swear." That wasn't exactly a lie. I'd often be told I should be louder, and that my voice was barely louder than a whisper. I turned and rested against the wall due to the lack of an actual backboard. I swung my legs back and forth. "I'm not that sick. I've had worse- that's when I just sit back up and die a bit on the inside." 

He thought for a moment and went to get something from his desk. "Right, of course you aren't a loud person. How awake are you?" He seemed to reassure himself, like he had already made assumptions about me. I mean- isn't that human nature though? Nothing weird about that.

"Pretty awake. Not awake enough to run coherently but awake enough to do basic things like talk and eat- obviously since I'm talking right now."

He turned back to me and gave me another stick of gum. I took it happily. "I've been watching you talk- sorry if that's weird- but aren't you aware you have a speech quirk? I don't really want to use the word impediment because I don't know if you have a condition- and I really don't want to be rude."

I nodded and smiled. "It's alright- I'm fully aware of it. They tried to fix me back in elementary school, and it didn't really work." 

"'Day...' I wonder if it's just an accent thing." He repeated my pronunciation of 'they' and leaned against the chair with his hands behind his back. I reached to the windowsill and put my hair back up and put on my glasses. That was a bit better- at least my head didn't hurt. "I think you were just hungry... Or, well, you're probably malnourished."

"Yeah, I don't... eat too well." My attention was drawn outside. I sat up and got on my knees, staring out the window. 

"What's wrong?" He sat on his knees next to me and looked out the window. To him, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. To me...

"Nothing- probably, I mean- I've just... I've always wanted to live somewhere up high. You don't get to see this living on the ground floor. Like- I can see birds! Birds fly by the window!" I looked at a bird perched on a balcony across the way. Another joined it, and they both flew off when the person walked outside. They stared at me in confusion, then just looked down. 

Rude much? They could've said hi, at least. "I guess it's special to you... To me, it's kind of... ugly." He seemed to be struggling to find the right words that wouldn't offend me. 

"That's alright, everybody sees things differently." I sat back down on the bed and groaned lightly. I knew I wasn't going to get sick, but it really did feel like it. 

"I'm going to... make breakfast." He got off the bed and walked the few steps to the kitchen. "Is there anything in particular you want, or?"

"I like bacon I guess, and waffles. Eggs are good too. I'm really not picky- but I don't like milk." In reality, I was actually a pretty picky eater. I didn't want to burden him with that; though, and breakfast was one meal I didn't have many issues planning for. Dinner is the worst. I stood up to help him. 

He turned around after he got the eggs from the fridge. "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine doing this myself." He took out bacon. "I don't have waffles, sorry about that."

"It's okay, I eat them everyday, at any rate. It'll be good to have something else for once." He grabbed a pan and placed it on the bottom right burner. He let it click a few times before turning it to medium heat. "You didn't ask so... sunny side up, by the way." 

"I'm kind of bad at making over easy eggs, so I was a bit worried you'd prefer that." He took out a few bowls and cracked the eggs into them to look for broken shells and yolks. At least, I assume that's what it's for. "When we're here, how'd you sleep?"

"Better than I usually do. It was really comfortable." He put two of the eggs in a pan side by side. I guess he's going to make them separately. I like this. It feels... domestic, and peaceful. It feels like what I always lacked. 

"Did you have any nightmares?" I took my phone from the side of the bed.

"Not this time, no. Which is a welcome, but surprising change. I'm going to put on ambient music." City Girl was one of my favorite lofi artists, and Siren of the Formless would be nice right now. I put it on and set my phone down where the speaker would be facing up. "Do you have a cup?"

"A cup? I mean- sure I suppose. Why, though?" He gave me a plastic cup- a tall one too- and I put my phone in it. The noise echoed better throughout the apartment. 

"I own no speakers, and this sounds kinda... trashy? But this is what we'd do as kids. Shove your phone in a cup, you got a speaker." I shrugged it off but he stared at me as if this wasn't something he had known his entire life. 

"I mean- I didn't really... have friends... so I wouldn't know." He looked back towards the stove. 

I stood up and walked over to him. I got rid of my gum. "Well. I'm here, aren't I? And now you can learn these things with me! I had friends in elementary school and somewhat in middle school, but that's about it. The kids were mean to me but I didn't really care."

"You didn't really have friends? Why?" He turned down the heat and covered the pan with the lid so the steam would do the rest of the work for him. He grabbed the salt and pepper from a pretty dusty spice rack. I guess he didn't cook too often either- or he did and just never used any spices. Upon further inspection, it seemed like most of the 'spices' were medicine made from his plants. How fucking cool is that? I wish I had the knowledge and plants to do that. 

I turned towards him and leaned against the counter. "Well, I guess kids just didn't like me? It doesn't really help that..." I looked off. Was that a good idea? "Nevermind- that doesn't matter that much. I was just weird, I suppose. I didn't really like people anyway- and I still kind of don't." 

"I just had rumors spread about me." He leaned against the countertop too and crossed his arms. "I mean. What can you do about it, right?"

"I know right? I've had my name raked through the mud on so many occasions, and I've had so many friend group resets. I don't know why anybody would spread rumors about you, though. You're cool, just kind of shy." He smiled and looked down and- was that red on his face?! Sure it was only dusted- but it was there! This meant I was getting somewhere, right? I hope so. "I've always been kind of sensitive. I'm short and scared of everything, and I don't even like sports!" I jammed my fists together, as one does, at the end of my talking and rubbed it. That hurt a bit. 

"I don't like sports either!" We laughed a bit and he turned back to the eggs. "Get me a plate?"

"Yeah, if you don't want to go long." I side stepped and grabbed two plates from the pile. 

"Oh god, please don't." I placed them down by him on the counter. 

"I'm kidding, I'd never. The only thing I was ever good at was badminton. I guess I'm fine at certain track events, though." He took off the top and slid the eggs onto the plate. I guess I didn't notice that he coated the pan with non-stick spray. I also guess I know how to make eggs now, since I'm pretty good at picking up stuff by example. That didn't mean I was good at math, it just means I need to be really invested in whatever I'm trying to learn. "We played in high school- in physical education, I mean- and me and my partner actually nearly made it to finalists." 

"And? Did you-"

I chuckled. "Yeah, I convinced her to flunk out. I didn't want to play in front of others, especially when the kids in that class hit me on 'accident' with the birdie and made fun of me." 

He threw his eggs into the pan. "Forks are next to you, along with spoons and... knives. I would've stopped playing, too."

"Yeah, she probably wanted to keep going but... she's athletic and I'm not. We come from two very different worlds. She tried to tell me the kids weren't making fun of me, I didn't know how to tell her that they absolutely were." I grabbed a fork from the drawer and sprinked pepper on my eggs. "She was cool though, she actually teamed up with me willingly, which was a plus. I was also good at flag football."

"Not normal football?" He moved the pan around and I watched the eggs slide around. 

"Nah, we could get hurt. I wouldn't mind playing it though, I think. I heard I'd be good at it, but I don't know if that's true." I shook my head and took a bite from my eggs. This was actually pretty good! I don't really know why I'm surprised. I know it wasn't him, so I guess I was shocked I actually liked egg. I know I'm not a fan of yolk though, and this was actually fine? I guess a lot of pepper does make a difference. "I just react fast. I could start running while everyone else was processing that I had caught the ball. I also actually went kinda hard at it though, which led to the other team guarding me to hell." 

He stared at me blankly. "I have no clue what you mean." 

"Right, aha, I guess you might've not played."

"Well-" He covered his eggs with the top of the pan. "-We probably had different curriculums. I don't think I got to do all that." 

"Really? We played a sport for a while, took a test on it, took notes on another one, played it, took the test... and repeat that for the whole year. Did you not participate in P.E.?"

"Oh hell no- of course I did! My parents would... kill me if I didn't." 

He sounded dejected. I should back off a bit. "Right, I hear people talk about sitting the entire time and I'm so confused? Like, I'd be killed too." 

He chuckled a bit and shook his head, sighing afterwards. His parents probably aren't a good topic for conversation. Which is fine, because mine aren't either. "Yeah... I never understood it." His eyes suddenly widened and I stopped eating. "Fuck- you wanted bacon, right?"

"I suppose so, but I don't need it-" Too late, he was already opening the package.

"Stove, right?"

I shook my head and grabbed the bag from his, much to his dismay. "No, actually-" I pushed him to the side and started digging through cupboards. I took out a small white tray- actually, these are called bacon trays, right? "-Microwave bacon? Much better." 

He stared down at me, slightly flustered, but also confused. "No? I don't even know where I got that from- how did you know I had that?" 

I shook my head. "I just... knew I should look? Who am I kidding-" I got up and put 3 pieces of bacon on the tray and threw it in the microwave for 3 minutes. "-Hell if I know! I think I just..." I trailed off a bit. 

"You okay?" He walked up to me and held his arm out, then retracted it. I stepped closer and put my hand on his shoulder. He did the same to me and I dropped my arm.

"I don't know. I know I should be in therapy but... I think we had to quit it because we found no way I could actually afford it after high school. After that I just got... too lazy to go." He held out his arms awkwardly and I jumped into them, embracing him. It was warm- I felt like I was going to cry. 

"Is it depression?" He tried to fill in my words as he rubbed circles on my back.

"No, go a bit spicier." 

He seemed confused but took the hint nonetheless. "...Bipolar disorder?"

"More, you're nearly there." 

"...Does it have the prefix schizo?"

I chuckled a bit as I shook. "Yeah, good job." We stayed like that for a bit. "I lacked so much in life- I was 16 when I was diagnosed."

"That's pretty early-"

"-Onset is usually between sixteen and thirty years of age, yeah. I've got the bipolar type, not just the depression, so I really got kicked."

"Is sorry the right thing to say?" 

I stepped forward a bit- I really didn't want to be let go. "I guess, if you'd like. I found that there just... isn't a right response. I know I should be going to therapy but I can't bring myself to." This was getting awkward- I didn't want him to suspect anything and he probably felt that the hug was way too long. I stepped away, though he seemed to linger a bit on it as he let go. I looked up at him, and he stared at me. "Eggs." 

He hastily turned to the side and took off the lid, putting the eggs off the heat and onto his plate. "The yolks will just be kind of hard, it isn't a big deal at all." The microwave went off as I went to go tend to that. I took the tray from the microwave carefully and set it on the counter. I took my plate, which was now deprived of eggs, and set the bacon on it quickly so I wouldn't burn myself. 

Everybody was already at work now. Honestly... I really needed a day off. I've been doing too much. This didn't feel far from work- not with all the plants everywhere- but at least I wasn't running everywhere and tending to customers and trying not to trip over small children who really didn't want to be there. "Do you want bacon?" Trying to restore those domestic vibes...

"I suppose so, it wouldn't hurt to have some" I threw three pieces on the tray and put it back in the microwave for three- maybe four- minutes since mine weren't really cooked as much as I'd like. He can decide for himself, though, because I know not everybody is into burnt bacon. We sat back down on the bed. I... suddenly started laughing. 

I feel like this is too much to process, so my response was to laugh. Law looked over at me in confusion, and smiled too, still not sure about all that was going on. "I just..." I looked down. "I haven't felt so at home in... forever. I'd like to do this again someday." 

"I'm glad I could make you feel comfortable- and know that... I don't think you're weird or scary. You're just... you. A really unfortunate you."

"I got told my diagnosis was schizoaffective disorder, and my instant response was verbal. It was literally 'Oh god no!" I think I was laughing during that time, too." I put another piece of bacon into my mouth. "They're kinda mean sometimes but I just ignore it. The voices, I mean to say." 

"It's admirable that you have that much willpower, I wouldn't be the same way if I was in your shoes." 

"I mean-" I swallowed and put my last piece in my mouth, struggling to chew it a bit because it wasn't as crunchy. "-You kind of get used to it? I've been like this for ages now. It's actually why I quit art- or, uh, it was one of the deciding factors." 

"That kind of sucks, I imagine you liked it a lot before." 

"I did! It was a good thing for me but... constantly being ridiculed and told that nobody cares and that everybody's appreciated more and is better than you... it hurts, man. I just chose to scrap it all together." I threw out my plate and sat back on the bed. 

"I hope you manage to get to therapy soon, it'll help your symptoms." He took his bacon from the microwave slowly, following how I did it earlier. Otherwise, you'd burn yourself, and that isn't fun. 

"I hope so too... I just. I don't know. I can't get rid of it, so... what's the point? You can't fucking escape it."

He sat down closeish to me. "Yes, but it'll really reduce the severity of your symptoms. You might be able to do art again." 

I looked down at the papers by the bed. Everything- and probably everyone- was telling me I really shouldn't do this but... 

I leaned over and picked up some papers, a pencil, and a clipboard. I put the paper in the clip at the top and started sketching. He leaned over and watched me as I drew. "Wait, no keep talking... It helps to focus on something else." 

"Right..." He looked around. "How long have you been working at the nursery for?"

I chuckled. "Too long? Like seriously..." I looked up and began to draw a pot that was placed across the room. "I want to... do something else with my life. I have hobbies but I don't think I can do anything with any of them."

"You can always come work with me."

"In the cold? No thanks!" I leaned back and ran my hand through my ponytail. That is... a circle. A pretty bad one- but it's a circle. "Fucking... rude." I mumbled as I erased a bit of it and started drawing downwards. So what if it was an oval instead? Close enough. 

"I suppose it isn't for everyone, but it isn't that cold. There's heating... but it isn't perfect." He put his hand on my shoulder. "How're you doing?"

"Okay... I think. I don't care if I'm an idiot and that's an oval and not a circle, I am going to call it a circle."

"That's the spirit? I think?" He got up and threw his plate out and grabbed a piece of paper. "What should I draw?"

"I'm best at objects but..." I looked up at him with- hopefully stars in my eyes- and a slightly dejected expression. "If I could do it again, I'd start with animals or people. And I'd actually draw my own stuff instead of learning sooner. Seriously- I didn't know that I could just draw... whatever. I just learned for years and years..." I reached for my phone and turned it on. I opened chrome and closed out my recent tab- nobody needs to see that. "Use references too, take my phone and find what you want to make." 

He took it from me tentatively. He thought for a moment before putting it down. "I'm sorry... I just don't have ideas." 

I took my phone and looked up an amethyst necklace. I handed it back to him and he seemed to recoil? "I know that looks hard but... Experiment a bit and find what you like best. Landscapes, people, animals... Or you're just lame and you do objects best like me. This was the first object I did, so you might like making it." I put my stuff down- and I will be picking it back up- and I walked to the fridge. "Water?"

"Uh- sure. I mean, if you have the hands- or wait why wouldn't you?" He shook his head as I chuckled lightly. I tossed him a bottle of water and he fumbled with it, ultimately dropping it in the end. 

"Fuck- sorry-" I picked it up for him and handed it to him. He stopped for a moment before actually taking it from me. "I forgot, we aren't really sports people, are we? I'd throw everything to my sister, so it's just a bit of a habit." I sat down next to him and downed about one-third of the water bottle before capping it and setting it aside. 

"Sister?"

"Unfortunately- I had two of them." I laughed to show I was joking. I picked my paper back up and began sketching again. He chose to leave it at that and to start sketching. 

We drew in silence for a bit, just enjoying the music, before he poked me on my shoulder. I looked over at him. "Hm?"

"I don't... get how I should do this." He handed me the paper and he pushed my phone towards me. I looked at it, then looked at the paper, then looked back at it. There was a lot erased around the top, where the actual necklace part of it hung onto the crystal. I took the pencil. 

"Right- okay so you essentially want to- a, draw straight lines. B, think of everything in really dulled down shapes. In digital art, there's these things called snaps? They're really helpful for this." 3D objects are kind of hard at times, it seemed fairly obvious to me but I understood the confusion he felt. "Additionally, you might also want to do this…" I drew the tops and bottoms of the shapes at the same time. "...So it doesn't end up looking wonky or skinny or too big." 

He took it back tentatively. "This is… a lot."

"Yeah, I'm not a fan of art for that reason. I'm just giving advice through a Basil-filtered lens. Take it with a grain of salt and do your own thing." I shrugged him off and went back to doing my own thing. 

Yeah, that looks terrible! At least I actually got something down, though. Now I remembered why I also wasn't a fan of art- there were too many bad things associated with it and it was just a drag. At least Law seems to be having an alright time. What was I going to do later? He goes to bed at, like… one? Something close to that. I really felt like I was overstaying my welcome, and I'd go home but… He took the nights off for me- the least I can do is hang around for the day. I'd probably just go on my phone, or I could sleep… or explore? But isn't that nosey? 

But. I could explore. There probably wasn't a lot to see, but you never know. I'd also probably end up showering. I hadn't done that in a while and, well I'll be bored, right? It just felt… wrong to be in his home while he wasn't conscious. I also felt that going home was extremely impolite…

I put my stuff down and looked at the clock. 8ish in the morning? I took a sip of my water and laid back. At least I felt better. "I never know what to do when I don't work. Kinda funny, right?" 

"I kind of know what you mean. I spent most of my nights online."

I looked over at him. He set his paper to the side and sat back, repressing a yawn. "We should do something dumb tonight." He looked over at me, worry evident in his eyes. "No- I mean like- we should just... do something weird. Something kind of new? Maybe not I guess, I don't really go places, so like- and I don't think you-" 

"-We can go outside tonight. Maybe walk around. If you're cool with that because- uh- I know a lot of people aren't really okay with that and-"

Was this a date?  
It was not a date but we could dream, right?

"Let's fucking go. I love going outside." I slammed my hands on my legs and instantly drew them back, a stinging sensation spreading through my thighs. That was a bad idea, but I never do learn, do I? I had a newfound determination in my eyes; and, even though this wasn't a date, it felt great to go somewhere with someone for once. "I'll take a shower and everything... and I realize that that's just the standard for people- so bear with me." 

He smiled at me, but it wasn't mocking or mean spirited. It was patient, and calm. That was a change I needed in my life. 

"Do you... know how to turn on the shower here?" That smile was a bit more jokey.

I stared directly into his eyes, then looked down a bit because eye contact is not my strong suit. "Uh. No." 

He stood up and I followed him into the bathroom. He pulled back the curtain and brushed a plant stem aside and he leaned into the tub. I sat on the side of it and looked in, leaning against the wall but also trying not to crush any plants. It felt like walking on eggshells at times. He pulled the clear- and honestly kind of cloudy and dirty- shower knob. Is that what those are called? I'll verify that one later. "You can just..." He pulled the diverter valve up and I leaned forward as I watched the water go to the shower head instead of the bathtub faucet. "I have hard water so you might have a hard time turning it on... you can just take a bath. Nobody said you needed to take a shower." I nodded and watched as he showed me how to turn it to hot or cold, though I could've figured out that part myself. I got up and, still being weary of the plants, left the bathroom. 

I fell back on the bed. 10:30. The last thing I wanted was for us to get bored. "What do you like to do?"

He exited the bathroom and wiped his hands on his shirt. "Right... I don't really do much."

"Well!" I got up and tried to crack my hands. Instead it just kinda looked like I gently punched my fists. "We gotta get you some hobbies, if you'd like." 

He sat back down next to me. "I mean- I don't know..."

"What's the worst that can happen? You don't like the hobby in question and we move onto something else?" I crossed my arms and arched my eyebrows as I looked at him questioningly. 

He sighed and shook his head. "I guess it won't hurt..." 

I stood up and clapped my hands together, then hunched over a bit and whispered a silent apology. I straightened myself out and stretched. "Okay... obviously you like plants. I like plants too. We can... or well I guess we've already drawn today. Let's write! That's one of my favorite activities- or we could drive over to my place and we can pick up stuff to do." Options are good, but I didn't want to overwhelm him. So, I guessed two options were good enough." 

"Writing sounds... kinda boring." 

I resisted the urge to give him every reason why writing was a worthwhile craft; which, most of those reasons involved him reading my writing. That was always a bad idea- I didn't like to show people my works in person. "That's... alright. It isn't for everyone, after all. What say we hop in my car and find something to do? Or, well, have you ever been interested in video games?"

"Aren't those like... violent? I'm sorry- but I don't think I'd do well with-"

I shook my hands "No! No- no. No." I backed off a bit. "I mean- Not all of them are- most of them aren't." I rubbed my hands together. "The ones I have aren't... violent." He stared at me, still a bit weary and I grabbed my keys from the counter. "Fuck it, let's go. I'll drive." 

If there's any way to actually get him to move, it's threatening to leave. I think, at least. He doesn't seem dangerous? I don't really need your advice right now, I want to trust my better judgement. Thank you, really, but I want to decide where this goes. He stood up and grabbed my arm, and I jerked away from instinct. He stepped back and sighed. "Sorry about that- we can go." I nodded tentatively and swung my keys around my finger. 

"Let's go, then. I'll drive but-"

"-No! Please- I'll drive." 

I mean- it's one less thing I have to do, right? I was about to throw him my keys, but I stopped and handed them to him gently. He looked down and sighed before gripping them. A sudden feeling hit me- I really didn't want to go back to work tomorrow. I pushed that aside and left the apartment, watching him lock the door behind him. I patted my side and realized I left my phone in there- well I won't need it, right? We entered the elevator and he hit the ground floor button. The doors closed and we began our descent. "So..." 

Just cut it out. Say it. 

"Hm?" 

It isn't anything bad, nothing relating to my feelings. I felt choked up regardless. "Are you... okay? You asked me that, now it's my turn to ask you." He stopped, stiffened, and seemed to panic a bit. 

He sighed, shook his hands, and looked at me with a fairly calm smile on his face. "I'm alright, why would you ask?"

Something really wasn't right with him. Mentally? He probably wasn't all there- but who was? But emotionally? He really wasn't okay. An okay person doesn't nearly lash out and grab somebody's wrist when they say they're leaving... unless it's some cliche romance shit. This really didn't feel like cliche romance shit. 

"Just... curious. You seem really hung up." 

"Eh... It's alright-" Before he could continue, the elevator opened. Those standing outside of it gave me a slightly concerned look. I smiled at them and we hastily exited the elevator. We got into my kind-of-run-down car and I turned it on. "Let's wait for a bit."

It was like he wanted to say something, but something was stopping him. I chose to leave it alone and I waited for the car to heat up. "I, ah, left my phone... So, it'll be a bit silent." 

"That's alright, I don't mind." I listened to the humming of the engine for a few moments before I started driving away. It was relative silence, until we got to the gridlock. 

"I've got... life simulators. They're calm. I have... music games too. I'm kinda good at those. We can hang out at my place if you want, or we can pick something up and leave." I turnt up the radio and cracked my knuckles, once again failing and looking like I'm pressing on my fist. 

"This is... different." I shook my head and looked at him. He stared directly out the window. "You haven't lied to me. Not in any important way. I know you aren't okay, and I know that you know that I'm not okay." I leaned on the container separating our seats, looking right at him. I didn't want to ruin this- I wanted to hear everything he had to say. They say that if you want someone to keep talking to you and to share more information, you shouldn't try to fill the silence at the end of their statement. "I thought you weren't human. I'm not entirely convinced that you are human, if I can be honest. People are terrified of everything, and people are deceptive. You haven't lied to me."

"...And how are you sure? How are you so sure I haven't lied to you?" I sat normally again and drove forward a bit.

"You just... don't have that energy. You just can't lie without a reason. I haven't given you a reason to lie, and from what I know, you haven't had one yourself." I had no clue what he meant, but I couldn't deny that it was true. I hadn't lied to him, and I don't plan on it unless he asks me about my feelings or something. 

"...Thank you, then. I haven't lied to you, and I really don't see a reason to. I found throughout my years that people who got stuff handed to them and those who generally... looked good- no offense- were just. Terrible. Terrible stances, and they were liars, and they were rude and just... Ugh." I shook my head as I continued driving straight out of the lock. It was smooth from here. 

"Wait- you think all good looking people lie?"

"Kind of. It's all I've found." 

"And I'm the exception-"

Oh fuck. I have a reason to lie-

"Uh... yes- or well no- but also yes? You don't lie- I think- but you're also like..." How do I call him attractive without it being weird, otherwise I might hurt his feelings. I also have a feeling he doesn't like liars. Y'know, though, could just be a hunch. "...Yes, you're attractive. I don't want to lie, but I also don't want this to be weird?"

He smiled and chuckled a bit- it didn't seem nervous? Or was it? It could've been-  
Stop overthinking this. Just be yourself and play it cool. It wasn't weird.

"I think you're attractive too, if it's my place to say that." 

It is time to overthink and panic. He thinks I'm attractive?! I think he's attractive!? Holy fuck the feeling is mutual.   
No, I can't overthink this one. Last time I did that and, well...  
I should be allowed to enjoy being in love though, right? It's the least I should be allowed after not being able to do it for years straight. 

"Thank you! It's been... actually I don't think I've ever been told that-" At least, I hadn't been told it honestly. "We should really... make a promise."

"What, uh, do you have in mind?" He fidgeted nervously as I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel. I could literally hear my heart pounding. It wasn't like we swore chasistity or something. I wasn't a virgin- or well eh? I kind of was? It's kind of subjective I guess.

"Oh, I don't really think it's anything hard? I guess that remains to be seen, though. I just... don't want us to lie to each other. We gotta talk stuff out."

He held out his hand. "I'm alright with that." 

I took his hand and shook it lightly with a small smile on my face. So was it now safe to freak out over compliments? I think it is. He doesn't like liars, I don't think this is a promise he'll break so easily. I won't break it easily either, then. 

I drove the rest of the way to my house in relative silence. We pulled into my driveway and I turned off the car and got out. I walked up the porch and unlocked the door, sighing. God, I really was still tired. I covered my mouth as I sighed and I opened the door. I didn't have to worry about anything running out anymore, I just had to worry about bugs getting in. I ushered Lawrence into the house and closed the screen, then the actual door. 

He looked around and stood in silence a bit longer than I would've liked. "I'm sorry it's a bit trashy. I wasn't really expecting to bring anybody over." 

"Compared to my place? Yours is... fairly tame, I think." I just hoped it seemed welcoming enough. I needed to wash my dishes- and do the laundry, and actually clean my room, and probably throw out some leftovers, and I really needed to go shopping and...

I'm overthinking again. I quickly put a stop to that train of thought- or I tried and proceeded to ignore it instead. "I like your place more, honestly. It's more... homey. Mine is just trashy." I walked over to the stand my television was on and grabbed my switch. "You don't really have a television? Right? So... we can hang out here for a bit. Or I can just grab some stuff and we can run with it. You know, actually, you might like..." I ran off to my room, not checking to see if he was actually following me. I heard the door creak as I dug through bags, so I suppose he did follow me. I pulled up a bag from my pile of bags, each containing a different hobby. One was makeup, one was my kandi. Another one was my kandi- I make a lot of kandi. Should I bring that, too? I'm going to bring that. I lifted up containers of my beads and held two bags as I rushed them to the living room. I dropped them on the couch. "We can take this." 

"What're... those?"

"One has cross-stitch materials- the others are... well... I'll explain on the way back. If you're ready to go, that is. Or, uh, I should grab pajamas, shouldn't I? I'm still in your clothes..." I pulled his shirt around me. I had gotten used to the familiar scent of decay by now, and it was just comforting. I just... didn't want to let it go. That'd be weird though, right?

"You don't... need to worry. I can give you clothes." 

I walked back to my room. "Trade, then? I can give you something of mine, and I'll take these clothes." 

"I don't really mind what you take, I have plenty of funds for clothing... Are you okay with giving me stuff?"

I waved it off. "Of course! It doesn't bother me. I'm getting something in return, so I'm not really losing anything, right?" I backed into my room and dug through my closet. I got a long sleeve shirt and some sweatpants, I should give that in return, right? Every part of me wanted to give out my entire closet to him, though. I pulled out a grey sweater and some black sweatpants. I walked back to the living room after folding them fairly neatly. "If you want something else- don't hesitate to tell me. Otherwise, here you go! If you're ready to leave..."

"Can I see your bed?" 

I felt a bit taken aback. I saw his bed, though? It probably isn't for a weird reason- even if I had hoped it would be. Just a little bit of hope. "I mean, go for it."

I led him into my bedroom and he pressed into my mattress a bit after pulling back the covers. He looked at my pillows. "Pillow pet?"

"Pillow pet." I didn't feel ashamed to state that I slept with a children's pillow. 

"I mean- by how you stretch... your back looks like hell. That probably isn't the problem..." He went back to my mattress for a bit. "Probably replace that- or flip it at least." 

I sighed and shook my head. "Mattresses are... expensive. I'll just flip it again." 

He looked at me with an expression of worry. "You can always stay with me until you get that replaced, I don't mind. It'd be cheaper than just...." He looked down and seemed to grow more quiet. "Uh- anyway- it'd be easier than going to a chiropractor. Though I'd suggest that already."

I shook my head. "Staying over when you're at work is... weird. I don't want to keep you. It's alright, I'll return here tomorrow. Can't leave my dishes like this for forever." I chuckled and he did too, but it seemed really forced. I guess it isn't technically lying- not if it's that obvious. "Let's go, though? It isn't video games, but we have something to do." 

I was partially hoping he'd crash so I'd be able to sleep too. "We can go, if you're ready."

We left my room and grabbed the bags and went out to the car after locking the front door. I started the car and instantly started driving- we weren't in the house for that long. Everything was fairly smooth, until we got stopped again. I looked down, knowing we wouldn't be moving for a few moments, and spoke. "Are you really sure you're okay- are neither of us okay?"

"I don't think either of us are really okay, no."

"What if I just dropped everything and worked in the city?"

He stammered a bit, stopped, then spoke calmly. "If you'll do so, I'll welcome you with open arms. Please don't quit your current job before you actually do drop everything, though." 

I sighed and drove forward. "You know, my house is always open to you. No matter the time of day- or night- or the day. I don't know why you'd actually need to know that, but what's mine is essentially yours. I'm..." I stopped. Was this weird? "...Really close with all of my friends. Even though I... really don't have any." 

"You have..." He sat in silence for a moment. "...Me?"

"I do, that's right... I just wonder if it's too much work." I drove up a bit more and leaned against the steering wheel. "Nothing I have lasts more than a year or two. I'm tired of feeling and I wish I got to bury my emotions in an interest or an activity like everybody else I know. Instead I wasn't deemed as fortunate and I got stuck with extremely destructive emotional imbalances and voices." This made me look like a bad person. I've already heard every insult that is coming from your head- or mouth- and I've already begged for every threat you're throwing at me. It never happened, though, and I'm just stuck like this. Nobody is perfect- especially not me- and this was my worst vice. 

I managed to block out nearly everything Law had told me after I said that. I just stared ahead, not really caring. What did he have to say, anyway? It wouldn't matter in the future. It'd just be another topic for me to be a child about. He shook me roughly. "Pull over. Now."

The least I can do is not dump all my problems on my one friend.   
...Do I really want this to last, though? The longer it lasts, the worse it'll be when it's over.   
That's selfish, though.   
Then again, how can anybody actually enjoy my presence? I'm just annoying and, frankly, a terrible person. Who would willingly hang out with me? Nobody I ever knew willingly spent time with me...

I got over and sighed, leaning back. I closed my eyes. I just wanted it to end. I didn't really want to die, but I wanted everything to stop. I looked over with a rather blank expression on my face when Law opened the door. "We're going to switch, I'll drive." 

I got out of the car hesitantly and got in the passenger seat. He drove off back towards his place. 

Look at this- because I shared my fucking feelings, he feels obligated to help me. What, because he's afraid I'll hurt him? I'm not that stupid, though I'm not smart either. I leaned back against the seat and sighed. 

"I'm really scared for your safety, Basil. Please- let's just talk this one out... We don't have to go out tonight."

"My head hurts. I just want to sleep." 

I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing. The last thing I needed was to start crying. 

"Your head probably hurts because you're trying not to cry, Basil. Let's make it home, then we can sleep a bit. We can talk this over when we get up. The feelings are temporary." 

They sure didn't feel temporary. Not when they lasted three years. Not when I knew this would happen again. 

"Okay, let's do that... If you want to." 

"I want to, and I'm not letting you get out of this one." 

I looked out the window and watched as cars passed us by- or we passed them by. Everybody in those cars has their own lives. I always found that sense of self-awareness kind of weird. I didn't like it. Law turned up the radio and I closed my eyes, waiting out the rest of the drive home. We didn't even need to get the stuff- it'd be useless at this rate...

He pulled into the parking lot and parked the car fairly close to the main office. It's a bit late in the afternoon, about two, so I guess people were working. He was staying up just for me. It felt... wrong. 

He helped me out of the car and let me lean on him as we walked into the office and called the elevator. I watched the display as the number indicating what floor the elevator was on went down. Once it reached one, I watched as the doors opened. The stranger inside smiled at us and hurried out. I was guided in. "Do you want to press the button?"

I felt dizzy. I didn't realize how much I liked his help until he loosened his grip. I held onto the railing, steadying myself as I looked at the buttons. I pressed the one labeled with his floor and went back to his side, holding onto him for support. The elevator rose, and slowly came to a halt. The doors opened and we quickly made our way to his apartment, not seeing or being stopped by anybody on the way there. He let me go and unlocked the door in a hurry. He held the door open for me as I stumbled inside, falling onto the bed. I plugged in my phone on the desk by the bed and turned, laying my head on the pillow. I heard the door close and lock before I was greeted by the weight on the bed shifting. 

"I don't... want to cross boundaries. Please be honest with me- uphold your promise. Do you want me to sleep on the bed, or on the floor?" 

I sighed and turned towards him. "Don't take the floor, sleep with me. You'll be cold..."

He removed his top clothes and threw them onto the floor. "I'll get you a change of clothes for bed, then."

I cleared my throat. My eyes were really heavy. I did too much in too short of a time span, and I felt way too many emotions. Instead of tossing the clothes onto the bed, or towards me like last time, he gently set them on the bed by me. Without waiting for an invite to go change in the bathroom, I removed and threw my top by the bed. I wiggled out of my binder and set it neatly by the bed along with my shirt. I threw on the shirt provided. Neither of us cared about changing in the other's presence like we should've likely been, we were just tired. I changed out of my pants and threw back the blankets, practically falling into bed. I felt a bit hungry, but it wasn't so bad where I was nauseous. I'd eat once I woke up. We'd get the bags then, too. If we ended up needing them, that is. 

I faced the wall- and had nearly fallen asleep- before the covers were thrown back again and Law climbed into bed next to me. I rolled over. "Can I..."

He smiled and looked down, a bit flushed. "We can... cuddle? If you're into that- that is- I mean we don't have to but... it might help you?" 

I wish I had the confidence to ask for something like that. As flushed and likely embarrassed as he was, he still did it. "Yeah, that's what I was going to ask. Sadly, I'm a bit too scared to actually ask for things." 

I could've sworn I heard him chuckle. He laid on his back and opened his arms. I climbed into them and laid against his chest, listening to his heartbeat and focusing on the rising and falling of his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and hung one of his legs on top of mine. Now it's important that I really don't cry- that'd be awkward. I didn't want to admit it, but this really did make me feel better. When was the last time I had actually been touched by a human being? "I'm so fucking touch starved... I'm sorry-"

"No- it's okay! Really... I am too." I sighed, at least I wasn't alone. 

This felt different. This didn't feel like it was done out of pity or remorse. It felt genuine. I don't care about if I'm right about that or not right now. All that matters is I feel a bit better, and this'll likely be the best I sleep in years.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up laying on my side. Law's arms were still around me, and I was still facing him. There was no light shining through the blinds that was visible through the blanket. It was nighttime. 

I didn't move. I didn't want to move. I knew his arm had to be tired from being under me for god-knows-how-long, but it didn't matter right now. All that mattered was us. I'd likely never experience this again, so I might as well enjoy it. 

I remembered yesterday- or earlier I suppose- in bits. I felt a bit better, and was happy I was feeling emotions rather than wanting to get rid of them all. I looked up as Law shifted and wrapped his leg around mine again. I nuzzled into his chest as he pulled me closer and I closed my eyes again. Wouldn't hurt to rest a bit more, right? 

I didn't know... Where would we go with this? This isn't really something that friends do. I mentioned that I was too much of a chicken to actually ask for things- I wondered if he'd take the hint and say something first. I could just be entirely off, though. Neither of us had friends, this might seem entirely normal to him. It didn't feel normal to me, though.

I wanted it to become commonplace. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms more often, feeling entirely- or mostly- at ease. This was the one place where I actually felt safe. Nothing could get me- us- here. It's just... us. That's all it should be. I know I've said it before, but I really think I'm done being in denial. I'm in love. I know it'll hurt. I know this likely won't end well. So, I'm going to enjoy it while it's going well. 

He was warm. I nuzzled into him more and sighed. I let my eyes close as I fell back asleep. 

I dreamt of... nothing. This hadn't happened in a while, and I had actually had more emotional dreams lately. Like I said, I don't think a dream has to be scary to be a nightmare. A nightmare can just be... a bad dream. 

All I had lately were nightmares. But I hadn't had any these past couple of nights. Maybe... I don't need to go home. I can just stay here and do this every night. 

I needed to at least talk this over with him- and I needed to secure a job in the city before I packed everything up and moved in with him. I felt like a stranger in my own home, honestly. I really only felt at ease here. It's the plants, isn't it? I chuckled a bit to myself as I floated through the vast, dark expanse of the void. It can't be the plants- though that may be a factor. It was just... him. Nothing had ever gone this well for me. 

Did I... Could I hope for this to work out? The idea of it was terrifying, but I wanted to wish for a happy ending with him. I felt like it was possible. 

No, it is possible. It had to be. 

I opened my eyes hazily as he ruffled my hair. "Good... evening? I'm not too sure, I hadn't said that to anyone before."

"I don't know what time it is... It seems to be night, though. So, good evening." 

"What're we gonna do?"

I sighed. "If it isn't weird, let's just... stay here for a bit." 

I've known this man for... a few days? I can't let this crash and burn. Not on my watch. 

He hummed in content and we just... stayed there for a while listening to each other. He held his hand to the back of my neck, with the other one wrapped around my back. I held onto one of his shoulders while my other hand was wrapped around his back. 

"Would you... like to talk about your feelings?"

"Yeah... Maybe just a bit." 

I knew this wasn't what he meant- but god I just wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him how he was on the forefront of my mind all the time. He is all I think about- and I'm alright with that. Okay, actually, I'm a bit distressed about what the future could be concerning us... but a good ending needs to be possible. If other people can do it, why can't I? Why can't we? He felt so welcoming, and warm, and safe. I never wanted to leave his side. But...

"I'm not... going to tell anybody. You can be as open as you want." 

That isn't what we're talking about. This is concerning my health, not my love life. Hopefully we can have that conversation sometime soon, but until then...

"Where the fuck do I begin?" I chuckled lightly as he rubbed circles on his back. "Can I cry? Is that weird?" 

"It's alright... I really don't mind." 

I lowered my head and closed my eyes, sitting there for a bit. "I've had... really bad relationships and friendships." His breathing seemed to hitch, but then it continued as normal. "The summer of 2020 might've been the worst time of my life. I fell in love years prior... and that summer, I thought I actually got some return on my feelings." I raised my head a bit again and just rested it there. He hugged me tightly. "Nah. Can't happen. I was the third wheel for them for years. All I got in return was fake flirting and empty compliments- which, I thought that was an elementary school bully's activity? We were in high school..." 

"I'm really sorry that happened to you... I can't imagine how you felt." His grip tightened and he tensed up a bit. 

"Yeah? It gets worse. It always does. My self esteem crashed and it took years for me to get over it. I'm... still not over it." I trailed off at the end, then followed up quickly. "But- it isn't like I still love him. Quite the opposite, actually? I always wished for his happiness... I'd rather he suffer now. Anybody that does that shit just... is not good in my eyes. Nowhere near it. I'm happy I never see him ever again." 

"I'm happy I've never seen him, actually." It was barely audible, and I didn't hear it all that well, but I caught the general gist of what he said. 

"Then my friendships- always last, like... three years? At most? I think people become friends with me because... it's fun? Actually- I don't know why I have friends. Regardless of, something dumb happens or I can't sacrifice my health enough to catch up with them so... we break off." I was a bit more forgiving to my friends. That one was mostly my fault. 

"Please- don't... blame yourself for your health getting in the way of things. Your health and safety come first, and don't let anybody try to tell you otherwise-" He stopped himself and loosened his grip on me. "-If they aren't willing to try and work around you, that's their fault. They're the ones missing out." 

I smiled. "Right? I think I'm a good person... They do a damn good job of convincing me otherwise, though."

"I don't. I'm not leaving you." 

...That's what a bunch of them said. Even summer-of-2020-guy said I was fun to be around! That I'd never be replaced... that I was a really good person.

"I'm sorry, that's what everyone else said..."

He took a deep breath before responding. "I hope I can prove otherwise, then. That I really won't leave you. If you want to leave... at least try to talk about the problem, first. I'm willing to work around you and your health." He pulled me closer to him firmly. "I know you're hesitant. I won't get mad if you don't want to believe in me right now. Please... have some faith in me, though." 

I nodded slowly. "I'm... willing to give it a shot." I sighed and hugged him tighter, trying my best to control my breathing and to not burst into tears. "Let's... check the time, alright?"

"Let's." He let go of me slowly and turned around. I clung onto his back near instantly. He looked towards his kitchen. "It's about... eight-ish."

I took the covers off of my head and sat up, looking around. The apartment was pitch black- let's not look at the figure over there that I'm sure I'm making up. The only thing really lighting it was the city lights from outside and the microwave clock. I laid back down, looking away from the figure and looking at the ceiling instead. Law threw an arm around me. "What're we gonna do?"

"I don't know... If you're still up for doing something, I'm up for it." 

"We can go out a bit later, if that's alright. Just dress warm- we'll be going out to the forest. Unless you just want to... walk around town?"

"I'm okay with that, I think I'd prefer the latter. Do you want to... bead?" 

"That sounds fun- but a bit hard... is it hard?"

"Not at all. Just following directions."

He nodded then sat up and stretched. I looked away- don't stare, don't stare, don't-

Instead I just looked like an idiot twiddling my thumbs in front of myself. Once he got up out of bed and actually threw on a shirt, I threw the covers off of myself and straightened my clothes out. I stretched, mainly focusing on my arms. "By the way... I've been having nightmares? I haven't had a bad dream since I've slept here." 

He looked downwards. "You mentioned... Your home is always open to me... You can consider the same to be true with me, then." 

"Your apartment? Thanks- I really appreciate it."

"I never really go out... just when I work. I get all my groceries delivered and all that. You know my work hours, so..."

I thought it'd be inappropriate to mention that cloning his key would likely be easier. Maybe that was just my lovestruck idiocy talking. "Yeah, I know all that... We'll be alright." 

"Right, of course... We can support each other!" He looked back at me and smiled and I reciprocated sheepishly. "Are you hungry- We can make dinner... Or breakfast, if you don't want to eat something like that." 

"I think I just want breakfast. We can have food while we make stuff, it'll be fun!" I grabbed my keys. "I'll get my stuff from the car- you can order?"

He reached forward then backed away. "I'll... get the stuff from your car. You just woke up- and you have a history of being dizzy. The last thing we want is you not making it back. Sit down and order, I'll get the stuff." I was ushered back to the bed and forced to sit down. I took my phone from the side of the bed and handed him my keys. "Thanks for... going along with what I want."

It seemed a bit confusing, but I chose to let it slide. I kind of... admired it? I know it was... unhealthy. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about it. I didn't hate it, though. "Of course, I'm alright with it..." 

I didn't know what to order, so I waited around until he got back. I didn't even get to shower- I should do that sometime soon. He was taking a while, so I got up and paced a bit. I checked the fridge and freezer, which seemed well stocked for somebody who only worked one job. The pay couldn't be that good- even for a job that works night hours. I only work at a nursery, though, and I'm not that bad off. I guess it's all about budgeting. 

I looked to the door when I heard it open. He set the bags on the floor and threw my keys to the counter. "You locked it, right?"

"Like always. I realize that... you probably didn't order anything." 

I shook my head. "No, sorry. I didn't know what you might've wanted..."

"Let's just get breakfast platters, is that alright?" I nodded my head and handed him my phone. "I'll take care of it, then. Do you want to set everything up- unless you want to eat first-"

"I'll set everything up, calm down. Just make sure to get me strawberry jam." He nodded and hummed a confirmation and I got up. I grabbed various boxes with separate compartments from the bag. "Do you want to work on the floor, or?" 

He looked around at the plants around his apartment. "...Floor's good, probably." 

I chuckled a bit and separated the boxes. The colored thin ones were together, the thicker ones were together, all the accent beads were stacked on each other. The bag which now contained only my various strings and scissors was brought over next. I managed to make a nice circle where we could sit by each other. We'd need to ask each other to reach certain things, but that'd be alright.

"Alright, food is on the way..." He looked up and what I had done. "This is a... nice set up."

It was obvious I set it up so we'd sit by each other, huh? "It's so I can help you easier, it might get kind of hard... I think I'm a pretty good teacher, so." 

He nodded. "I'm, uh, not complaining. It's nice." 

I sat down in the middle of the circle and took out some string from a bag. "I think we should just do whatever right now, then we can try and follow a pattern next time we hang out." 

He sat down next to me nervously. "P-Pattern?" 

"Yeah... They just take a while to make- like hours- so I think it'd be best suited for next time." He didn't object- there was going to be a next time. I rolled out two arms length of string from the spool and started putting beads on it. "My wrist is... kinda big? So I use about thirty three beads on my singles- which is just a normal bracelet. You'll probably need to experiment and see, though. Most people are thirty, I think..." I had to modify patterns often because they'd be thirty beads long, and they wouldn't fit me. "There's string in the bag, feel free to use whatever you want... but..." I reached across from him and took some of the bags with my special beads in them. "You can really only use pony beads of the same size, I think... I haven't experimented with it otherwise. I don't want to discourage you, so we should just stick to this for now." 

I pointed out what boxes could be used with what. Certain stores had thinner, cheaper ones while others had thicker and smooth expensive ones. I knew that you couldn't use them together for peyote, otherwise it'd look warped and abnormal, but I hadn't experimented on cuffs yet. I didn't plan on it, either. I don't think it'll work, and it'll be a waste of time. He nodded, hopefully absorbing what I was saying. I want to find something we can bond over, and I was hoping it'd be something I liked. The last thing I want is for him to get discouraged and for him to give up. 

I counted how many beads I put on my string so far, about twelve. I wrote it down on my phone. "My advice? Don't cut your string until you've tied your single. It prevents beads from falling off and going everywhere. If you- when you- snap a string... you'll be finding beads for the next century everywhere around here." I motioned around the apartment.

He grabbed a spool of string from the bag and started putting green and- I think magenta- beads on the string. Do you make kandi? It's really fun, and it's a good bonding activity. I highly recommend it. I chose to make mine green and white, two of my favorite colors. Also because I wanted to teach him about trading, and I wanted to trade him something he'd like. I liked the color combination he picked, so it didn't bother me. 

Once I reached thirty three, I tied it off with more than enough square knots. "By the way- we want it to be a multiple of three. So twenty seven, thirty, thirty three... those would work." He looked at me weird, then removed a bead from his string. I watched as he tied it, telling him to add a few more knots than he thought was necessary. He nodded and did so. 

I grabbed my scissors and cut the short end from my string. I motioned for him to give me his cuff and I cut it off his. I cut off about two arms length of string from the spool and shoved it through a green bead. I forgot to mention the color pattern to him, but at least he copied me. I handed it back to him and did the same to by single. "So now we'll..." I grabbed three more beads and arranged them green-white-green and put them on the string. I skipped a couple of beads on the single and put my string through a bead and pulled it. It formed a small point. He watched me do it, then copied me. "We'll keep doing that all the way around. Then, we'll go up through here and here, and we'll keep going..." I motioned that we'll go through the first two beads that we just put on. He seemed a bit lost. "I'll explain it as we go, just copy me." 

I began putting beads on, entering auto pilot. I looked up when I heard a knock at the door. Law put down his bracelet to go get it, but I held him down. "It's alright- I'll go get it. Just keep doing that." 

"Alright..." He grabbed his bracelet back and kept doing what I showed him. I put my stuff down and got up, stretching. I walked over and opened the door. I grabbed the bags from the person and tipped him ten dollars. He thanked me and I closed the door. 

"Food!" I set the bags down in front of my bead containers. "Let's eat now... worry about all this later." He set down his work in progress... It needed to be pulled tighter. I'd tell him that later. I took my food from the bag and grabbed syrup and jam. 

"So, uh, how's it... going?" He looked over to his bracelet nervously as he ate. 

"It's alright! Just needs to be pulled a little tighter, otherwise it'll look flimsy." I took a bite from my pancakes and thought. "So, we could take the easy way out and just make a normal base, or we could make it three dimensional and we could decorate it." 

I owned no normal x-bases. All of mine were converted into something, usually small UFO cuffs. I owned a few rotating ones, though, amongst others. 

"How would you... even decorate that?" I took out my phone and leaned over to show him after putting my platter on the floor. I showed him various pictures of me wearing my kandi. "That looks inconvenient." 

"It really isn't depending on how big it is. It makes people stare, which I love. It's..." I thought for a moment. "It's a craft that's easy and rewarding. I can hold it- I can wear it. You can't do that with two dimensional art. You can print it, and you can look at it... but that's it." 

He nodded. "I think I get what you mean- how long did that one take?"

I went back to my slinky cuff. Ah, memories. I'd never make one again, honestly. "Two days. Biggest pain in the ass I've ever made. I only own one of them. There's a slinky attached to it and actually attaching it was a nightmare." 

"I can imagine... it just goes everywhere."

"And I'm trying to put a string through it, yeah. I can bring it over next time, if you want to see it or wear it." 

He seemed to light up, if just for a moment. "I'd... get to wear that?"

"Yeah! That's kind of a big point of this. Is to give it and trade it away. It's a really friendly activity... most of the time. No community is perfect, aha." 

"Sounds... scary, actually." 

I sighed. "I actually wouldn't know. I only traded with people I knew. I can't really go to raves, now can I?" 

He chuckled lightly. "Wait- can I?"

"Please- you're allowed to laugh." I placed my hand over my mouth and laughed. My laugh was high pitched, and I had a habit of snorting. I didn't like it. He laughed lightly once he got the green light. "But really- it's fun to trade with people you know."

"Can we trade?" 

I smiled. "Of course! Actually, I planned on teaching you about that with these."

He looked at his bracelet with a hint of panic in his eyes. "Oh no- do you like those colors- I can do something else but-"

I shook my head and waved my arms in a 'no' action towards him. "No! It's alright- my favorite color is green and that magenta looks great with it. Do you... like my colors?"

He looked over at my bracelet, which laid across from his in the circle. "I like it... it'll turn out really nice. I guess we should decorate them if we're trading... right?"

I took the last bite of my pancakes and held my sausage, waving it around before taking a bite of it. "Well, no, we don't have to. Actually- the most commonly traded items are singles. I think people... trade masks least? Likely because it's a safety thing, and it's kinda gross?" 

"I bet everyone's singles look... kinda boring compared to yours."

"Hm?" I looked up at him, confused. "My hearing's kinda iffy, you'll need to speak up sometimes." I missed things really easily, and had a habit of asking people to repeat themselves many times. 

"Oh- I said that everyone's singles, including yours, must be really interesting!" 

I nodded and finished my sausage. "Well... eh? I know most people just put two different colored beads alternating on the string with a word, so... I think it's interesting, sometimes- but more could really be done if you're willing for them to be a bit big. Like..." I showed him my lower arm. "...This is where I wear most of my singles because they're so big. I'll bring by my bag next time so I can show you."

He nodded and I waited for him to finish eating. Tonight would be fairly easy, just this 3D cuff, then we could do masks if he was interested. Or we could do peyote charms, or panels if I have the beads. Unless he wants something a bit different, then I can bring over my perler beads with my iron. I'd also like to show him Project Diva someday, but I think he'd get discouraged fairly easily. There's somewhat of a learning curve, from what I saw with other people. 

We went back into the circle and began working on our cuffs. We began a new row and kept going in that pattern. "I don't really... have life passions? If you'll humor me for a bit." 

He hummed in agreement and I kept going. "I mean- I don't like art. I can write but... I don't have the confidence to write an entirely original novel. I'm good at coding in certain, really specific instances, but I think my skills would only work with friends. I can cross stitch, but I don't really have a desire to make it into my life's work. Nobody wants to hire an entertainer, aha, so my rhythm game skills are useless. I don't like sports..." 

"You're a jack of all trades, but a master of none?" 

"I suppose so. I'm just... painfully average in any actual life skill. What about you?" 

"I just... sit around all night, really. I just kind of keep places neat and clean so we can avoid injuries."

"We're both kinda stuck, huh?"

"I mean- I don't hate it per say but..."

I smiled lightly. "It's just... eh. You'd rather be somewhere else but what if somewhere else is worse? It isn't like you hate it, so why leave?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I mean-"

"-Because that's how I feel? I don't know how much longer I can do this for... Honestly." 

He sighed. "I can keep going, I just... don't want to."

I put my hand on his shoulder in what was hopefully a mildly comforting gesture. "I feel like you'd be happier with my job." 

"What- I'm not really... good with people. I don't feel like it'd work." 

I craned my neck to the left, pulling on my string and holding it. It hurt but it worked. "I'm not good with people, either. That's why I don't really help people and I just put stuff on the floor instead. I help people when they ask, but I don't like it." 

He shook his head. "Maybe... I don't really know." 

"Well..." I scratched the back of my neck and tied off my cuff and put it down. "There may be an opening soon. If you're willing to flip around your sleep schedule a bit." 

"What do you mean by an opening?"

He looked disheveled- and he really didn't look like the type of person who'd be up for it- but I really didn't want him to suffer. His happiness means more to me than my own safety or happiness. "I mean... I'm close with the manager, kinda. She likes me. I can totally put in a word for you... it's all about the connections you have and those you know." 

He sat in silence for a bit, pondering over my words. I've already made my cuff as high as I wanted it, I just had to wait for him. "How often do you... work with the plants?"

I shook my head. "Sadly, not a lot? I just do a lot of inspecting pots and carrying bags of soil. I don't trust myself to not accidentally kill it, so I just let Dayton take care of it. They like it, so it's alright." 

"...Go ahead, I guess. Let your boss know I'm interested once you put in your two weeks." 

I smiled. It didn't seem like his statement came from pity. I think he was actually interested. "Alright, I'll do that. So what we wanna do is have the cuff about as tall as this." I showed him mine and looked at his. He had a row or so to go. "Take it- once you get here, we can finish it and do decorations if you'd like." I gave it to him and laid back on my containers, stretching my back. My head hurt just a bit, but it wasn't that bad. "I'll... see about doing something I love. I don't want to leave here just to be stuck somewhere I hate again." If I had to, though, I'd happily give up my position for him. Even if it means I'm working somewhere worse. 

"I'll... look around for you. You already have a, uh, bit of a long commute? I guess... so- I mean- do you mind working here?" 

"I don't really mind! It'll give me... more to see? I'll live with it, and it'll be a good change..." I trailed off a bit and whispered. "God, I need a change in my life." 

"Been sitting around for too long?" 

I nodded. "Years and years, I'm tired of living in god-fucking-knows-where and working and doing the same thing everyday."

He looked around his apartment. "I'd like a bigger place but... we really don't need it-"

"-We?" 

He stammered a bit. "I mean- uh- my plants! We- erm- really... don't need a bigger place. This is alright." 

I mean I figured as much. "It also kinda sucks to move, huh?" 

"It'd be a huge pain... yes." I watched as he finished his last row and I showed him how to put on the row of two beads to finish it off. We started doing that. "What kind of job are you looking for, anyway?" 

My eyes widened and I shook my head, then promptly stopped once it made my headache worse. "Believe me- I don't know-"

"-What if you could choose anything though. Or- wait- sorry for interrupting you."

"It's alright! Uhm..." I thought for a moment. Anything? "...This is gonna sound dumb, but it'd be cool if I could play Project Diva for a living. It's a pretty hard rhythm game that I'm above average at. I mean- a chance to show it to others, compete, and improve my skills? I'd gladly take it." 

"That doesn't... sound dumb? It's something you're really passionate about." 

"Yeah, I really could have picked better interests, though." I chuckled lightly and finished up my row. "To tie it off you just... here watch me." I showed him how you looped the string and pulled it to create a knot. "If you need help, I can do it for you." He shook his head as he finished up his row. I smiled as I watched him tie it successfully. It seemed that he was talented. 

"There has to be some market for an occupation like that- I'll see what I can do." 

I nodded. "Alright, I wish you luck then. Where... are we going from here?" I looked down at my bracelet and he did the same.

"...You know? Pack up the stuff."

I looked over at him, expecting him to elaborate. He didn't. Instead, he started packing up the boxes and putting them in the bag. I did the same. Once everything was put away, he gave me his bracelet and his jacket. I threw it on and put the bracelets in the pockets. I got up and lifted the bag, throwing it over my shoulder. "It's pretty late... let's go." 

I followed him out of the apartment- making sure I grabbed my phone this time. He locked the door and we took the elevator to the ground floor. "What- where are we going?"

"It's... a surprise. I mean- it isn't an amazing one, but it'll be exciting to not know where you're going." I cocked an eyebrow at this, but chose to trust him anyway. I have many heavyish boxes, I have a decent weapon- and he didn't have anything on his person. I'd win in a fight.

"We can... agree to disagree on that one." He smiled and we left the elevator. I hurried to follow him to my car. "You got my keys- right?"

"Of course I do... don't worry about it." He unlocked the driver's door as I leaned against the passenger door. He opened the door and unlocked mine, and we climbed into the car. I set the bags down by my feet, plugged my phone into the aux, and scrolled for a bit. 

"Do you want to choose the music?"

He looked over at me, frozen and eyes wide. "Uh- no thanks- I like your music more anyway." 

I hummed in content and just started playing music from the top of my liked songs, starting with Dramaturgy. He gave me the power to put on whatever I wanted, so I'm gonna figure out if he doesn't like japanese music. If he doesn't- this either won't work or he just won't ever get to play Project Diva. That's the rules. I watched as he drove fairly calmly, seemingly on auto pilot. We left the more popular part of town and drove to a small town. I looked around- I hadn't been around here before. I made sure to note what turns we made and what streets we drove past. Lemon street... Vine street... More fruit-themed streets. 

We actually made it to another town after a few moments and a lot of ups and downs through the bumpy road. "Hey- where the fuck are we going?" 

"Probably some random parking lot..."

I looked around. "Wh-"

"-Don't worry about it." I looked out the window. It seemed so familiar and also so vague at the same time. Maybe I've been here? Maybe I hadn't? Everything seemed like a blur. "Just... put your faith in me. Please, Basil?"

I nodded. "Uhm- alright I guess? I'm just... confused." 

"About what?" He stared ahead, both hands on the wheel... He was more responsible than me. 

"I don't know? I can't comprehend thought right now and I have no clue if I've been here before." I shook my head as to clear the fog from it and leaned my head against my palm. "What're we gonna do? When we get there- I mean."

My first thought was car sex. My second thought was 'fuck no we will not have car sex we are friends.' My third thought was just TV static. 

"We can put your seats down in the back and-"

It isn't car sex- it isn't car sex-

"-We can work on our bracelets? Or, uh, we can walk." He glanced at me and got a bit more nervous. Was my face red? It was red. It was, indeed, not car sex. Is it wrong to wish it was? I mean- I guess not. Being stuck as friends with benefits would suck, though. 

"I think that sounds cool, we should do both! I can't exactly like. Go to clubs. So this is good." 

He sighed. "I won't go to a club. Too much is going on all at once there. So... don't worry?"

I chuckled. "Got it." I watched as he pulled into a mostly empty parking lot on a part of town that seemed fairly safe. It was the parking lot of a grocery store. Also a department store. And some odd other stores. So... like a strip mall, but with actually known stores here and there. He stopped in the middle of the parking lot- really?- and turned off the car. 

He pulled a speaker from by him on the seat. "I brought this... so your car battery doesn't, erm, die." 

"Where the fuck do you keep this shit? Seriously I didn't even see you bring it-" I know there was no mention of it before this point. What the fuck? 

"Did you... not notice?" His eyebrow cocked as he slowly reached to unbuckle himself. Ah, the burden of the first person perspective. 

"I mean- I guess not." I unbuckled and moved to put down the three seats in the back. I leaned over and grabbed the bags and moved them to the back, sitting down and actually getting comfortable. 

"Well- here you go." He tossed me the speaker, quickly reaching out to catch it then clamping his hands over his mouth. I caught it and his arms slumped. He breathed a sigh of relief and climbed into the back, sitting across from me. I set up the boxes again and threw the bag to the side. I pushed him his bracelet and he took it from me without hesitation- so I suppose that meant he was having fun? At least a little bit? 

I put the music back on using the speaker he provided. It looked old, was black, and was from the brand JBL. I chose to use my bluetooth rather than the AUX cable provided- I didn't even know if it would work and it didn't look like the AUX cable worked. 

"We're just gonna... uh... how the fuck do I put this." I scratched the back of my neck and took a deep breath. I grabbed the scissors from the bag and cut off my excess string, as it wasn't enough to actually make my points. I handed them to him and he did the same thing, being careful to not accidentally cut the actual string holding together the cuff. I took out two spools of string and handed him one. I took an arms length and waited for him to put the scissors down. He glanced up at me and grabbed the string, copying me. He cut his piece and put the scissors down. I reached for them, and our hands touched. He pulled his hand away and I grabbed the scissors from him. It was a complete accident- I hope it didn't freak him out. 

It didn't really seem to, because he watched as I cut my string. "We're gonna tie this onto here- like this." I showed him as I tied the string onto the old string holding the cuff together. I tied it a few times and put my string through a white bead. He copied me- admittedly with some time taken- and put it through a magenta bead. I threw five beads on it in a white-white-green-white-white pattern and I put it through the next white connector bead. He put his on in a magenta-magenta-green-magenta-magenta pattern and put the string through his next magenta connector bead. "We're just gonna keep doing this all the way around- it's a lot of 'do this all the way around'" 

"Alright..." He went on autopilot after a few moments. We sat in relative silence, working on our bracelets. We finished that part, and I showed him how to make the finished X. 

"This isn't really gonna be a UFO cuff... That isn't how this works. I guess we're just... freestyling? 

He looked at me like I had just said the most confusing jargon to ever exist. He shook his head and blinked a bit, and his eyebrows rose. "I'm sorry- uh- UFO?"

"Yeah... we can do one of those next time, if you'd like. I can make one in... a few hours? Yeah." I took my phone from my side and pulled up a picture of a yellow, purple, and black one I had made. I showed him, and he hummed, nodding. We finished our Xes between small talk. We mostly listened to the music, the shuffling of beads, and enjoyed each other's presence. I showed him how to tie it and he caught on fairly fast. 

"So- we can put string between our connector beads... like through your green ones on your Xes- also my green ones." I moved my string through the beads so it's coming out of a connector bead and I put on some decorative beads. I put it through the next connective bead and kept going. "Like that. Feel free to use whatever." I put a couple of green rose charms on it, but it was mostly transparent green beads and a smokey-looking square green bead. I also used some clear round beads that looked like shattered glass on the inside. The wonders that Walmart carries.

We showed each other our decorations as we went, being a bit more excited that we probably should've been about decorative beads. I liked that he was doing well, and he seemed really into this. Like, genuinely. It made me happy that someone was actually interested in my hobbies- this had never happened. 

We tied off our cuffs and presented them to each other... How do I explain PLUR to him without absolutely blushing and dying? We had to like... hold hands.

Yes, I am nervous about touching hands. Yes, I cuddled with this man a bit ago. Yes, I exist. 

"So like... there's actually a certain way we trade." 

He looked at me, eyes a bit wide and eyebrows arched high. "Hm?"

"Like... okay so- how the fuck do I put this?" I explained to him about PLUR and what it meant and stood for. He nodded as I explained it all to him, probably explaining a bit more than I needed to.

Was I stalling? Absolutely! 

"So..." I put up my fingers in a 'peace' motion and held it there. He put his fingers up to mine- and I tried to control my breathing. I was just tired last night- of course I didn't freak out about this. We made a heart, and I looked up at him. A small smile was spread across his face. At least he's not weird about this like I am. That's it. This isn't weird.

We put out palms together and bent out fingers, locking hands. We did not have anything on our wrists, so I just used my other hand to slide the cuff to him. He chuckled lightly and slid his over too, and we let go. "Now we can like... hug?"

He opened his arms slowly, likely a bit shy. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him, sitting there for a bit longer than I should've. I let go hesitantly and sat back down. I grabbed my new cuff and put it on my left arm. "By the way- the left arm is typically the 'don't trade' arm." He took his new cuff off his right arm and put it on his left. I smiled as a feeling of warmth spread through my chest. 

"Do you wanna... walk?"

I smiled and put my hands in the sleeves of the jacket. "I'm alright with that, just be sure to lock the car..." 

"Oh god- there's nobody around but- yeah, I'll do that." He nodded a bit frantically and climbed over the seats into the driver seat, landing on his back. He sat there for a moment, exhaled, and climbed out of the car. I climbed out of the driver door too and hit the button to lock the doors. I slammed the driver's door as he pocketed my keys. "Careful- you're gonna... y'know... break your door." 

"Yikes- I know. I just... don't really know my own strength." I rubbed my hand to the back of my head.

He smiled lightly. "It's alright, just be careful..." 

I nodded and we walked out of the parking lot. The only things illuminating the way we walked was parking lot lights and store lights that may or may not have been about to go out. Some of them flickered a bit too much. I looked at once. "Phrmacy"

"Pharmacy?"

I motioned over to the sign that should've said 'pharmacy', but one of the lights had gone out and instead it said 'phrmacy'. He looked around the parking lot and looked at the old Kmart. I know it's old- because nobody actually goes to Kmart anymore and they don't stock their shelves. "Kert." 

"Kert..." The sign said 'Krt' instead of 'Kmart'. We chuckled lightly at the Kmart lights and we left the parking lot. We began walking down the street on the crosswalk. It was kind of late, not many cars passed by. It had been at least a couple of hours since we left. I was kind of shocked- cars always drove by where I lived. At least, they drove until the early hours of the morning. The streets were only nearly-deserted at three in the morning. At any other time, they were bustling with tourists from the mountains and with people who decided to show that their intelligence was inferior by driving their loud, fast cars. I think I've already displayed my distaste for loud, expensive cars. 

We walked side by side, not really going anywhere in particular. I stared down at the ground. The lights from the street lamps were yellowed from time, and gnats and moths were frequently drawn to it's light. The sidewalk was old and cracked, and those few flowers that could take it had already sprung up in those cracks. I took care not to step on them. The road was a lighter grey, and there was new asphalt filling in only some of the cracks. Potholes weren't as abundant here compared to my home. It was cold, but it wasn't so cold that I wouldn't be able to take it. The weather's always a bit weird this time of year- it'll be hot one day then we'll get frost the next morning. 

"Where are we going?"

He looked over at me. "Do we really need to go anywhere?" I think it was the first time I had actually seen him relaxed. His face wasn't tensed up as it usually was. I never knew how to actually relax, but I'm glad he can properly enjoy this. 

"I suppose not, let's just not get lost." I threw my hands into the pockets of the jacket and I looked around as we walked. We crossed the bridge of, assumedly, a former river that had dried up through the years. It was now littered with food wrappers and trash bags that people had thrown in there over the years. It was also assumedly filled with snakes, which is why you look at your feet when you walk around here most times. At least, it was if this was anything like where I lived. That is also likely why nobody had tried to clean it yet. We weren't about to be the ones to clean it either. 

I looked at the mostly dead traffic stops as we came to a halt on a street corner. He seemed to know where he wanted to go, and it wasn't like I had any better ideas. "There isn't anything fun to do around here, but walking's never hurt anybody, right?" 

I nodded and leaned over in front of him to press the button to cross the street. I hit it multiple times, until it told me to stop, as one does. It wasn't like we actually had to press it, there wasn't anybody around and there wouldn't be anybody around for hours from now, but it was just routine. We were good, law abiding people. We crossed the street quickly and I followed him into the nearby gas station parking lot. "Hey what're we-"

"I mean- do you want snacks? It's been a bit since we've eaten." I didn't really notice my own haziness or weakness, but it had been a few hours since we ate. I took out my phone- about eleven at night. So... I hadn't eaten in three or so hours. 

"I guess. It's been a while, anyway." I shrugged and pushed open the door for him. He thanked me and quickly rushed in and I followed. 

I blinked a few times. The lights were still old- but they were white this time. They hurt more than the yellow ones outside. Law had already gone to look for something. I walked over and grabbed some juice, checking the label for any signs of caffeine. Seeing none in the ingredients list, I closed the fridge door and went to find something to eat. Hot Munchies were absolutely a healthy snack, right? Not like I really care, anyway. I grabbed that and took out my card prior to actually going to the register. 

I stood there and waited for him. He arrived with a bottled coffee and a bag of mini doughnuts. "My mom used to get small doughnuts whenever we stopped at a gas station after driving for a while." 

"Why not get coffee? I respect your choice of food, but you didn't strike me as the type to drink orange juice all the time- unless this sounds really weird and you're absolutely awake right now. I just figured- y'know- because of your normal sleep schedule-"

I waved my hands around. "It's alright! Don't worry about it. I don't drink caffeine."

He shook his head and smiled lightly. "I can't imagine... no coffee?" 

"Nope. Not at all." 

The worker who absolutely didn't get paid enough to deal with our bullshit stood by the register, watching us back and forth for a bit. I shrugged it off while Law shook his head once more and he walked up to the register with me. He motioned for me to put my stuff on the counter when I stepped back a bit to get behind him in line. "Hm? Nah, it's alright. I can pay." 

"Huh? I mean- I can pay for us. It's not a big deal." 

Was this karma from helping pay for Dayton's braids? I knew it was good karma- but it felt wrong. I stepped forward and he smiled before I waved my hand in front of him. "In that case, I'm alright with paying."

He hesitantly pushed me back lightly. "You... paid for breakfast, though." 

I wasn't a stubborn person. I was the person who'd easily give up arguments because 'this is too dumb to be yelling about'. In reality, I was just tired of debating, and didn't enjoy it. "... Okay... Just know that I'm paying next time. In full." He smiled at me and nodded before turning to pay. I took my stuff from the white, smooth counter and we left the store. "... Thanks." 

"It's nothing... it's the least I can do." 

I didn't dwell on that statement for long. He's just being nice. I'm just being nice. We're friends. 

We're friends, and that was the worst part. 

Having brought myself down a bit, I followed him down the sidewalk. He stopped suddenly and sat on the concrete curb. I sat down next to him and stretched my legs on the sidewalk. We ate in relative silence. 

"Do you like rocks?"

I looked over at him. He was holding a small, grey stone that looked good for skipping. It wasn't that dirty, either, suggesting it was on the surface of the dirt, or it was laying on the concrete with the flowers. "Yeah, I do. I put them on my windowsill and on my porch. Or in the dirt outside my house." I looked down as he set the rock down. "Do you like the flowers?"

"Hm? You mean the weeds?" He picked one out of the concrete without hesitation. "They're... alright. I guess they could be flowers." He picked off the petals one by one and set it on the ground.

"Oh..." I looked down and to the side. That felt aggressive. "...I like them. They're just existing. They can grow through concrete. That's cool." 

"I suppose so." He turned towards me. "Do you ever... think? About people?"

"I've been thinking about people for too long tonight, you'll need to specify." I turned to face him, my eyes partially lidded. 

"Like... people just suck." I stayed silent. "All they do is lie, and cheat. They're mean to each other for no reason and they insist upon relationships and some notion of a dream they want to achieve."

That one hurt a bit. I looked downcase. "Yeah... it's kinda dumb. Most people don't accomplish their dreams and... romance is... ugh." I leaned my head against my hand. He waited for me to finish. "I'd like to find it but... I don't know. I don't know if it's possible. It seems like a one-in-a-million thing."

"It really is... hell, I'd say our odds are slimmer than that." I turned to face forward again and I put my head on my knees. Don't cry- don't cry- We can do that later. He called relationships... meaningless and near impossible- but that doesn't mean he isn't open to one- who am I kidding? He's only said that because he wants me to take the hint. 

"Yeah... I agree." I sighed. This was dumb. A terrible idea. I felt embarrassed. The best thing that could happen right now is that I'd get suddenly run over by a car, and I'd die near instantly. There were no cars passing by, though, so my odds of that were next to none. I felt that I wouldn't be able to lighten the mood, no matter how hard I tried. I had to give it a shot though, right? I'm stuck here until morning with him... so I might as well have a good time. I stood up. "Let's go somewhere." 

"What?" He stood up, grabbing our trash. I walked forward and he followed along quickly. I wasn't going to sit around all night and wallow in my sadness. I was going to have one more good night, then at least try to distance myself... just a bit. Just so I can heal. That was a good idea, right? 

...I already had most of my stuff in my car. I could leave and go home around... three. Or five. I could nap for a bit then get ready for work, because life doesn't stop just because I got rejected. 

Dayton's going to love hearing this one. 

I turned around and watched as he threw away our trash, then rushed to catch up to me. There was... nothing interesting around here. If we walked along a road about... 10 minutes away... for long enough? We'd end up in the middle of nowhere. I wanted to be there. I kept walking. "Where.... Where are we going?" 

I turned to him, still walking at a fast pace. "Hm? Aren't surprises fun?"

He stopped, then drew in a breath as if he was offended, then he rushed to catch up to me. I slowed down a bit. We passed shops, but they became less frequent as we went to the less populous side of town. It was actually considered its own town, and all it had was one grocery store. I knew where we were, now. 

I grabbed his arm and pulled him down a road. I let go of him and ran ahead. He wouldn't get lost. It's a straight road. It's like this for... ten or twenty minutes. Then, you end up in a bigger city. I turned around and watched as the town faded behind him, and our only light was the moon and stars. There wasn't even a crosswalk down here, but I doubted cars would come by. We walked in the middle of the road, without a care in the world. At least, I tried to not care. 

We walked- or, uh, I ran- for a bit longer before I broke from the road and started running in the middle of the desert. It was night- snakes surely wouldn't be out. Law took off from the road, running towards me. I stopped a decent distance away from the road, laughing. He stopped near me and hunched over, panting. "This is it. This is where I wanted to go." 

"There's... nothing here? Okay- give me a few." He put his hand up and I hummed. I sat on the ground and looked up at the sky. There wasn't light pollution out here, so the night sky shone beautifully. I sighed. This... wasn't ideal but it was something. It could've been worse. He sat down by me and collapsed, laying down. 

"I like the stars. I see them at home sometimes, but you never see them when in the town by all the stores. Or, I guess it'd be a city. We're kind of rural though- you don't think of somewhere like that as a city." 

"Why... are we here?" 

"That's a bit rude- but... I don't know. I just... felt like it." I stood up. "Come catch me?" 

He sighed. "Give me a few seconds-" I chuckled. I wasn't going to let earlier get me down. I'd process all that later. I fixed my hair as he stood up, fixing his old sneakers. I looked down at my shoes, just basic grey and green running ones. I hope that meant I had an advantage, because he seemed a bit faster than me. 

I stared him down as I placed my weight on my right leg. "You're not going to-" I took off in the opposite direction, chuckling as I ran. I spread my arms out and waved them around lightly, feeling like I was flying. I heard him running behind me. I turned around and stepped to the right and ran forwards, as he overshot and ran past me. This back and forth went on for a little bit before we stood in mostly one place, with me ducking under him and arching my back over his body as he leapt in to grab me. I turned around and grabbed his wrist, making him stop and widen his eyes. He panted, but smiled nonetheless.

I let him go gently and we fell on the ground by each other, breathing heavily. We laid there for a while. This was good. I looked up at the stars as they twinkled in the night's sky. Everybody in the world shared the same sky, and I thought that was beautiful.

"Stars like... die. We don't even know it." I looked over at him. He had stopped panting at this point and was just laying back with his arms behind his head, staring up into the same sky as I was. 

"I suppose so, yeah. They aren't really living though... so..."

"I mean- who are we to dictate what's living and what isn't?" I sat up and stared into the sky as he continued. "Stars might not be living in the traditional sense, but they have life cycles." 

I looked over at him. "Do they? I didn't... pay that much attention in math." 

"Take it from me- you don't need to go to college... you don't need excellent grades... I was an amazing student- and look where I am right now." He sat up and moved closer to me. "You have no life passions, and that's... alright, honestly. If you're most happy working in a bookstore, go work in a bookstore." 

I looked over at him. "I was a good student, don't get me wrong! I just... the teaching methods changed, and I was suddenly forgotten about."

"I got lucky- I was forced to adapt-"

"-I mean, that might not really be lucky? I feel that- by the tone of your voice- it wasn't a good thing." 

He sighed and picked at the rocks on the ground. "I mean... no, it wasn't. I guess... it could've never happened and I'd still be here. I never had the drive to do anything, it was only because of my parents that I tried." He shrugged and pulled a stray rock from the ground, throwing it some distance away. It was a bit hard to tell, it was dark after all. 

"My parents only really cared about my last two years of high school. By 'cared' I mean they got bored and decided to stalk my grades. I guess to some people it might seem like they cared, but they only noticed if I was doing badly. If I had one missing assignment, I'd get lectured." I scratched my neck and took up his approach of throwing rocks. I picked up a fairly flat one and threw it, listening as it hit the ground with a soft 'pat'. "I wasn't awarded at all for good work. Other kids I knew got money or got to go somewhere for straight As. All I got was silence. It killed my motivation just a bit." 

"How'd you graduate?" 

"As, Bs, only one or two Cs. No Ds, oddly enough."

"I just got... As. Maybe a couple of Bs, but not many." I felt really... inferior? When I was cheated against by the system, it killed the rest of my schooling career. He actually pushed through it. "It's alright, though. Honors classes weren't my thing, even though I was forced to take them." 

"I took an honors class once. It... wasn't even hard. It was just more work. I threw it once the teacher made fun of something that upset me, and I didn't look back. My parents shamed me for it during every possible opportunity until I fucking left." 

He chuckled, picking up a rock and throwing it with more power than before. "Yeah, that's kinda how it is sometimes. English?" 

"English." I chuckled and stood up, offering my hand to him. He took it and I pulled him up. I stepped back before he could fall into me. 

"You sure you didn't play sports? You're strong." 

I shrugged as I picked with the jacket hem. "Nope. None. I took a normal physical education class and everything. I did my two years and passed with As."

He shook his head. "Alright... if you say so." I punched him lightly as we walked back to the main road together. 

Most of the walking back consisted of us telling odd stories from our childhoods. We both didn't really come from good places, and I had to stop him when he started telling the story of how he used to swim in rivers. "I'm not good with water- can we skip that one?" I had said. He happily obliged, saying it was alright and they kind of made him anxious too. I told most of the good stories I remembered, not wanting to kill the mood. I didn't have many of them, but I had enough to kill the time. I had a feeling he was avoiding the bad stories too, and he didn't have many good ones to tell.

"If your siblings didn't chase you with a knife- were they really your siblings?"

"I- what? I- no? Of course they aren't." I had a very vague memory of my younger sister- but not the youngest- chasing me with some kind of sharp object. Or maybe it was the youngest. "I know the middle child bit me until she was, like... seven or six." 

"She didn't like you?"

"My parents also never actually parented. I have parenting experience, as the eldest it was my job." 

"I didn't care enough to do it, honestly..." 

I told him about how I had to care. We didn't really tell our sadder stories in a darker tone, we were laughing the whole way through. "You're allowed to laugh- I swear-"

"Why'd you even stay in the car if you knew you'd likely be hallucinating?" He had a smile on his face as he asked his question. A completely valid question, might I add. There was no dumb questions here right now. 

"Eh, their mom was drunk. Or, at least loud. I'm not okay with that, alcohol bothers me." 

He shrugged lightly. "And that? Absolutely alright. It doesn't really... bug me to your capacity, per say, but I'm not a fan of it."

We skipped into the parking lot, fairly close to each other, laughing the whole way.

"Did you know I'd actually had my heart broken like- twice?"

We got into the car. "No way- don't tell me it was in the same year," he said, with astonishment in his voice.

I pointed finger guns out my windshield, laughing. "Fuck yeah it was! I just like... refused to believe in love after that?" I shrugged with a smile on my face.

"...What about now?" I looked over at him. He wasn't laughing anymore. He started the car and laid back, waiting for it to warm up. 

"I'm not too sure," I stopped laughing, putting on a more serious tone, "I guess... I'm alright with believing in love? I'm over it by now... but... I'm not too sure."

"It's okay," he started driving back home, "take your time and find the words." 

I thought for a moment. How did I feel? Tonight was amazing, but I'd likely experience nothing like it ever again. "I don't know if I'm over it. I want to... believe in love, but I don't want to actively pursue it. I'll wait for them to be interested before I actually pursue anything... Even so..." This was hard. I didn't want to believe in love, but I also desperately wanted to be with him. I wanted him to love me. 

"So how many times were you ghosted?"

I laughed and punched him in the shoulder. "Oh- shut the fuck up!" I sat back down with a new smile on my face. He rubbed his shoulder with one hand and used the other to steer, mumbling something about how it hurt with a smile on his face. "For the record, it was both times, by the way. Except the first time the guy actually started to text me back, and I ended up blocking him." 

"Uh oh, sorry about that one, by the way. Didn't expect to, y'know, actually be right." 

I shrugged it off. "It's alright, it's nothing. Laughing about it helps me accept it." 

The rest of the drive home was in relative silence. I plugged in my phone and mumbled along to some of the songs that came up. "Are you dropping me off at home?"

"This is... your car?" He looked at me, a bit confused. Of course-- he didn't have his own car, right? 

"Riiight, of course it is." He chuckled lightly, with a tinge of worry in his tone. I didn't want to drive myself home... but that's what ended up happening. My heart only broke more and more as we eventually pulled into the scarcely lit parking lot of the apartment complex. I slumped down a bit as he parked the car and got out. I opened my door with a sigh and sat back in the driver's seat. "I'll... see you later?"

"Of course! I still need to find a job for you, after all..." 

I chuckled and waved. "Right, yeah! See you then, then..." He waved back and turned around after a moment. I sat back in my car and closed the door as I watched him walk into the lobby. 

It didn't really hit me until I got home about how... sad I was. Nothing like that would ever happen again. This would be the same as... it always was. I'd be lucky if he actually did find me a job. After a few days... I'm not going to be the person he thinks about when he sees 'help wanted' flyers.

I was still wearing his jacket. I chose to put it in the back of my closet.

I flopped on my bed after turning on my TV and my light. I laid there for a bit before I started... crying? I started crying, and I didn't even know why- oh who am I fooling? I chose to believe in something, and it... didn't end up working. Why did I choose to go against what had worked all these years? I looked at the time. Three in the morning... late three in the morning. I needed to rest before work. I got a lot of sleep earlier, though, so I didn't feel drowsy.

I felt so sad, I wasn't even hungry even though I should've been. I tossed and turned and eventually gave up and put on some sad music. If I'm going to cry, I may as well not go at it alone. I had a hard time expressing my feelings sometimes, anyway. I needed a push. I laid there.

This was... dumb. An example of how I never learn. He's not interested in any kind of relationship. He'll never be interested in me. He'll forget about me in a few days' time, and I'll go about my life with him on my mind every second of the day.

The thought of that made my stomach churn and my heart drop even more. Why am I wasting so much time on someone who won't even care about me? It's wasting energy...

I don't know when it happened, but I eventually fell asleep with my bedroom light on anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

I didn't sleep well, and I had a nightmare to boot. I always say it- so I won't repeat myself. This time it was about taking back someone who rejected me... yikes. I'd never do that. If he didn't appreciate me and my worth the first time around, he wasn't worth it. I looked at the time and hastily got ready for work, knowing I'd run a bit late. It was as if everything had shut down. My only concern was working. This had happened before, admittedly. Something really bad would happen, then I'd shut down and focus all my efforts on working for... an indeterminable amount of time. The first time it happened, that lasted for years. It wasn't pleasant, but it got me through some stuff. I was surviving, and that was enough for me. 

I hopped into my car and looked out my window to pull out. I glanced at the bead boxes in the back and tears started welling up in my eyes. I was also made very aware of the fact that I was still wearing his cuff. I'd put it in my closet, and I'd forget about it. I could never bring myself to throw stuff away. I pulled out anyway, despite some of my work ethic and resolve crumbling every moment, and I drove to work. 

I parked my car and locked it, then bursted through the doors. As typical, I made a beeline to the employee's only room. I threw on my apron and clocked in, then sat on my phone until opening time. "Heyyy!" Dayton leapt over to me, hanging on my chair. I really didn't want to put up with this right now. "How'd it go?" 

"How'd what go?"

"You know! With Lawrence!" 

I sighed and looked down. They stood up and their face took on a more serious appearance. "You good?" I shook my head and put my phone down. Dayton quickly ushered me away from the room and away from anybody else. We sat under a heater, near some pots. We sat on piles of soil. "What... happened? This looks really bad." 

"Yeah... uhm," I looked away, desperately looking for an excuse to not answer the question. I blinked, trying not to cry, "It's just... he isn't interested in a relationship right now... so..."

"Oh honey- I'm so sorry..." Dayton wrapped their arms around me. I usually would've recoiled and scolded them, but I welcomed it this time. I leaned into them as I cried for the second time that morning. "Let's look on the bright side-"

"-What... what bright side?" It seemed too good to be true.

"He could've been lying- or he could be interested at a later date!" 

I looked down, sniffling. They let go of me and rubbed my back. "I don't... I don't want to look at the bright side. Not when... y'know... the bright side may not exist." This made no sense to them. They had no knowledge of my prior relationship failures. They could say that everything was fine, but I knew that I'd always believe otherwise. 

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Just... be there for me. Please. Nobody was there at any other time I got my heart broken. I don't know if I can survive this... alone." 

"I can do that. If you need anything else, you know where to find me." They took a piece of paper from their apron and scribbled something onto it. They gave it to me and I looked at it wearily. It was their phone number. "Feel free to call or text." They got down to my eye level and put their hands on my shoulders. "You got this." 

I nodded, a new sense of determination welling up in me. "I totally got this."

"Fake it til' ya make it!" They stood back up and spun around, pointing finger guns at me. I smiled at them and stood up, following them back by the cash registers. 

That day, I was pretty tired. Like, way more than usual. I could only think that it was due to my abnormal sleeping habits from last night. The sadness kept trying to bite me throughout the day, but I pushed it back until it left me. I'd go job hunting tonight…

"Hey! I think, uhm, I got you something-"

I looked up from my phone and choked. "-W-What?" Lawrence looked a bit disheveled. He's just being nice. He isn't interested in romance. Especially not with me.

"You… said you wanted a job, right? I, uhm, think I found you something." He ran his hand through his hair and smiled at me. 

"Uhm- alright! What, ah, did you find…?" I craned my neck to the side and put down my phone, giving him my full attention. Dayton was staring at us, I could see it from the corner of my eye.

"I know you don't enjoy alcohol-"

"I'm not gonna be a bartender, sorry-" I shook my hands.

"Oh? Hell no- it isn't that. A fairly nice looking place- at least it's nice in my opinion- is looking for entertainment-"

I chuckled and shook my head. "I'm not-"

"No! I mean- no. Not like that. Who's your hero?"

I looked at him, confused. "What? I mean… There's this one Project Diva player I always looked up to…"

"See?" He took my hands in his. "There's some kinda market for that somewhere. You said you were good at the game, I bet they'd be willing to take you."

Playing video games for others was my dream. "You're serious-"

"I'd never lie to you. We promised." He let me go and stepped back a bit. He grabbed a piece of paper from behind another register and wrote something down. The Jackalope… "This is your chance. Take it." 

I took the paper from him. "You gonna… come watch me?"

"If you'd want me to, of course." Neither of us were uncomfortable in each other's presence. It was perfect. It was like… nobody else existed. We were the perfect friends. 

"Hell yeah, come watch me land the best job of my life! I'll… go tonight. Meet me then?"

He nodded sheepishly and I left him to do the rest of his errands. If he had any, that is. I mean- he had to have them. Otherwise, why would he be here.

Regardless, I watched as he left right after. I sighed and put the paper in my apron, thinking of how I wanted to do this. I'd probably bring by my stuff whenever they wanted me… which was a pain. Better than sitting around here, though. 

"Sooo… You're leaving?" I looked over at Dayton as I wiped down the counter. 

"... Likely. I'm sorry I didn't tell you- I'm just… not really expecting to land this." I threw the wipe in the trash and leaned against the counter. 

Daytok rubbed their arm. "When will ya put in your two weeks?"

"When- if- I get this… then I'll be outta here."

Dayton shook their head. "You're gonna go work in the city?"

I nodded. "Yeah… I need a change."

Dayton smiled. "It's- I'll be alright. Thanks for the warning, at least." They stood up and walked off without giving me the chance to reply. I definitely made them mad. 

I sighed and stepped away from the counter, leaning on the front of it. This was… alright. I didn't feel too good about leaving Dayton- or anybody else for that matter- behind, but I felt that it needed to be done. They'd forgive me on their own time, and I'd get over this feeling of guilt. 

I ran into the back room and took off my apron, grabbing my belongings from it and hanging it up for the night. I didn't really want to retire that either, and I was sure Law would prefer no accent color or green for his. He was taking my place though, most likely, so… he'll just deal with it. I pulled his cuff back down my arm and left the room, waving goodbye at various coworkers I saw on the way out. I pushed open the glass door with my left shoulder and left. I didn't even take one step before I was facing Law. "Gah- hey!"

I laughed nervously and greeted him. "Sorry- did I surprise you?"

I looked back. "The doors are glass- I should've seen you…" 

He smiled and took my arm, leading me to my car. "It's alright, we forget things…"

He waited by the passenger door as I climbed into my seat, unlocking his door. "You seem awfully chipper today, what's up with that?"

"Ah- it's nothing, really… I'm just in a good mood."

"Yeah?" He climbed into the car and I started it, waiting patiently. I spoke to him while scrolling through my Spotify library. "I don't know… I've had a bad day."

Have you ever been in love? It was always the same process for me, as you know. The first week or two- or month- or year- was fine! Then… I was ignored. Then I was left to get over it all by myself. Has that happened to you? Do you know my pain?

"Wanna… talk about it?"

How do I tell him? 'Oh, sorry. I just fell for you in no time flat and I'm waiting for the end. Instead of getting in too deep, I decided the end would happen now so I'd get over the pain sooner.' 

"...Eh… Just slept a bit badly. Had a nightmare."

He leaned over closer to me. "Really? About what?"

"Bugs." I stated matter-of-factly. Like water or alcohol, bugs bothered me greatly. 

"Man… that's no fun, huh? I'm sorry about that."

I nodded as I began to drive off. "Its… eh. Alright, I guess." The drive was mostly small talk between us. My anxiety about the meeting was growing- and I hadn't even scheduled this yet, right? "Oh fuck-" I pulled over and took out my phone, looking up the bar and scrambling to call. 

"What's wrong?" He leaned over and put a hand on my shoulder. I put the phone up to my ear and waited. 

"Hello?" 

I took a deep breath. After this, I didn't have a choice in the matter. I wouldn't be the person who cancelled the interview- I couldn't back out. 

"Hi- yeah, uhm, I was informed about a job opening? I'd like to apply and be interviewed. Tonight." 

I heard the person on the end of the line take out a pen. "Right, I think... we can fit that in. Name?" 

"Basil- uhm-"

"-Didn't you already schedule this earlier? Or a close friend did." 

I looked at Law, confused. He sighed and took the phone. "Right- sorry- they have some..." He looked over at me as my eyes narrowed. "...Short term memory problems." He chuckled and looked downward as I sat there and waited. "Erm... maybe forty minutes? Will you be ready then?" He looked at me and I shook my head frantically. He rolled his eyes and gave his attention back to the phone. "Alright, we'll see you then." He hung up and gave me back my phone. 

"What the fuck was that?" I looked at the time. A bit after nine. I had to be there at 9:40. I could totally manage that, yeah. Ignore the fact that I'm lying to myself. "I look like garbage- I need to get my Switch and everything! You only accounted for driving time!" 

"I'm just trying to help? Calm the hell down-" I pulled back onto the road and started driving a bit over the speed limit. 

"It's fine! If I just speed and don't get caught, we'll make it on time. I'm gonna need you to get my stuff together- don't fuck this up." I glared at him momentarily before focusing the rest of my attention on the road. 

"I have the feeling it really isn't fine-" 

"It really is fine! Thanks for making the appointment for me without consulting me. It's a shock, but we'll make it." My tone of voice dripped with poison and my actions would be interpreted as aggressive at least, threatening at most. I really couldn't stay mad at him, though. Even though I should've been able to.

He took a breath, stopped, and exhaled. This continued a few times before he spoke. "Alright... I should've consulted with you about a time. I also should've told you I already called- I'm... sorry?" 

It sounded a bit fake. "It's alright, really. We'll live somehow." 

The rest of the drive was silent, with some small talk sprinkled in. I pulled into my driveway and didn't even bother to shut off the car. I leapt out of my car and stood at my door before realizing my key was with my car keys. "Can ya throw me my keys?"

"Will you catch them?" He was already turning off my car. He stared at me questioningly through the windshield. 

"Absolutely. The real question is- will you throw hard enough?" I readied my hands. 

He shrugged and hurled them at me in more of a throw rather than a toss, thank god. There's no way a toss would've actually made it, but he didn't seem like the type of person who'd just throw stuff at others. I stepped forward to catch them and grabbed my house key as I turned around. I opened my door and ran into my house, going straight to my room and looking in my closet. Law followed me hesitantly. "How do I-"

"Just grab it all! Every cord, every accessory. Don't worry about the games, I have it digitally! Throw it in a bag- carefully- and put it in my car." I took out a shirt that looked fairly neutral. It didn't look like I was dressing fancy for the interview, but it also didn't look like I was a slob. I dug for pants in the back of my closet and stopped. 

His jacket- it reeked of decay and a wood smell. Decay more than the wooden smell. I actually debated taking it for a few minutes before I shook it off. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and threw them on. I looked back to my closet. 

I grabbed the jacket and grabbed my slip on shoes, running out of my room. I grabbed my keys from the counter and locked the door on my way out. I threw the jacket on and leapt into my car. Law was already waiting there. "I put it by my feet, so it wouldn't get damaged- you still have those in here?" He turned around and looked into the back seat. My bags of bead containers and string were still in here, as I had been too lazy to remove them. 

"Yeah- didn't have the motivation to take 'em out." I drove off without waiting for my car to warm up. 9:20. We'd make it- probably. Still going a bit over the speed limit, I tried to calm down. I wouldn't be able to perform well like this. Too much stress or adrenaline and I'm overthinking everything, and I'm fidgety and I miss notes all the time. 

"Are you alright now?" 

I sighed and shook my head as I drove from my town to his city. Losing the home advantage never felt so... anxiety-inducing. Remember- I don't play sports. "No? I'm too anxious. I can't perform at my best." 

He leaned back. "Breathe for a bit, you're gonna pass out... and that's not good." 

I slowed down a bit and took my time to breathe. I gripped the steering wheel tighter as I breathed, then loosened up a bit once I was finished. "Okay, yeah... I feel pale- am I pale?"

I looked over at him and he turned my face back to the side so I'd be watching the road. Driving here was different than it was where I lived. I guess now I know what it's like to be that person who's in a hurry to go 'nowhere'. "You're not pale, calm down." I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel as I tried to calm myself down a bit more. Once he thought I succeeded enough, he asked, "What's your... best- what's your worst?" 

I thought for a moment. What was my worst performance? "Disappearance, nine stars, on extreme. That's my worst." 

"So... we know not to play that one during the meeting. What's your best?" 

I thought again. I couldn't beat Disappearance... but... "Po Pi Po, ten stars, extra extreme." I could play other ten star songs, but only in extreme. That was the best I've done. 

"I have no clue what that means- but it sounds pretty impressive. Just show that off, and you got this- turn left here..." He guided me once I couldn't rely on myself anymore and we got to the bar just in time. "I'll get the bag, just run inside." 

I was already stopping the car and getting out. "Got it- already on that." I slammed the driver's door before jogging to the door of The Jackalope. 

I took a breath. I got this. It's nothing, just... play how you always play. 

I opened the door and a few patrons stared at me. I smiled- a look that was more so intended to reassure myself rather than others- and I walked to the counter. I took another breath as I sat back down. "Hey hey-" The bartender walked over to me as Law came to join my side. 

"Can I get you anything?" 

I shook my head. "We're alright. I'm here for the... job interview?" 

Her eyes brightened. "Right- I heard someone new may be joining us. Come with me. Is he..." She looked over at Law, swirling her pen around in circles in the air.

"Yeah- he is. He's gonna offer support, I guess." 

I was thankful for his presence. Even if I didn't really want to admit it, and I knew it'd hurt me. We followed her into the back room and she sat us down. "Set up whatever you need to set up. I know it's... run down but it's not that bad, right? Who am I kidding- you aren't here for me. I'll go get the manager." 

"Thanks!" I yelled after her as she left with an artificial pep in her step. I looked at the only television in the room. It was flat, and on a stand that looked like it'd break any minute. Perfect. I helped Law set up various cables before I turned on the television with the remote that was on the table. I changed the source to HDMI 2 and grabbed my Joy-Cons, popping them into the grip. "Should I like... warm up?" 

"It can't hurt, right? Only if, y'know, you wanna..." He shrugged and offered me a nervous smile. I gave a fake confident smile back and went back into the game. 

"Should I like... go big now?"

"Save it for the interview." I shrugged and went to my standard warmup song, Teo. It was more of a stamina burst than anything hard, but it got my hands moving and helped me decide how I'd be performing for the rest of the day. I started laying back, but I leaned forward towards the end of the song. The ending multiple notes are what I couldn't get. I set my controller down by me and cracked my hands, watching my percentage along with the word 'CLEAR' pop up on screen. Next, it was a list of my stats- how many cools I got, how many fines, how many safes... The safes were always the worst part. 

"Is a great... good?"

"Better than standard. I can beat the average person, at any rate..." I shrugged and went back to the menu. I leaned back. "This'll work, totally." 

"It'll work out, don't... strain yourself though. Seriously- that looks like it hurts..."

It was good that he was worried, but... "I know my hard limits, it'll be alright." 

He sighed in relief and we waited for the manager to come in. They rushed in shortly after. "I'm sorry it took a while, I had to finish up some paperwork." 

Law and I turned around to face the person. They had long black hair, and were clad in a regular t-shirt and sweatpants. I guess I didn't need to care that much after all... I recognized them as the person on the phone. "It's alright," I replied, "Just warming up."

"That confident?" 

"Hell yeah I am." I leaned forward with a smile on my face. They chuckled and took a paper from a folder. They held the same pen from before in their right hand, ready to take notes.

"Alright, that's good... So, Basil right?" I nodded. "Why do you think people will like this, exactly?"

I had one chance. I can't blow this. I took a deep breath. "Well, there's certainly an audience for it out there. I like the idea of being able to inspire people, and also being able to compete against others." 

They didn't seem to care about the inspiring part, but their eyes glimmered at the chance of competition. "Oh? How would you compete, if I can ask?" 

I shrugged. "Easy. We can bet on who wins. Friendly competition is alright, but as a business owner, I doubt you're interested in that aspect." 

"How do you think we'd split this? You obviously know you wouldn't be getting it all." They scribbled something down and I waited for them to finish. 

"I'm thinking forty to me, sixty for you? We can negotiate on that, of course." They smiled lightly, writing that down. "I would like to keep tips, though." 

Their look darkened a bit, but it didn't seem like I lost them entirely yet. "I have my own equipment that I manage, which will also heavily cut costs for you. Somebody who's not too well off may need you to help them financially, which isn't in your best interest."

She nodded. "Right, yes, that's correct..." She put her paper down, which mostly consisted of random scribbles of nothing. "You didn't warm up for nothing, right?" 

"Hell no, I'm ready to play if you'd like me to." I looked over at Law for reassurement. His smile was convincing enough for me. I got this.

"Whenever you're ready." They leaned back in their chair and Law and I span around once more. I grabbed my controller from the table behind me. I went to the hardest song I could actually play and hit 'Start Rhythm Game'. 

I exhaled, but I didn't get a lot of time to actually prepare. The thing about extra extreme charts is that they involve a lot of sliders, and they're packed. Meaning, I had to move my thumbs around a lot, and I didn't get much time to actually rest. I never thought I'd see the day Po Pi Po got an extra extreme chart, but here we are. Mainly because it isn't needed? I'm usually alright with the amount of sliders other extra extreme charts have, but this was just overkill. You couldn't go half a second without hearing the slider. The manager seemed to take notice too, because I heard her mumble something. I put it to the side though. My only priority is not dropping out. I've impressed them, now it's time to follow through on that. 

I did follow through. My results screen was nothing special to me, only a measly 77 percent. To others- to ordinary people- it looked amazing. Impossible, even. I turned back around to see them smiling. "Got anything else?"

The atmosphere in the room lightened up a bit. I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding, as cliche as that was. I bet you didn't really see this coming, did you? I was determined to leave that plant nursery, and leave it I would be doing. 

I played a couple more songs. I played "Nyanyanyanyanyanyanya!" to poke some fun at everyone in the room, which quickly prompted the manager to set up a song blacklist. I moved to "Dramaturgy" and promptly failed it. "I'm thinking if I let people win, they'll come back and I can crush them."

"Like... a casino?"

"A bit, yeah." 

Their eyes grew wide and they wrote that down. The only objective of any business was to make money, and I already knew how I'd do that. I played a couple more songs, wildly varying in genre. "Rosary Pale" and "This Is The Happiness And Peace Of Mind Committee" stood out like sore thumbs compared to the rest of the fairly upbeat stuff I played for them. "I like it though," they had stated, "it gives your song selection more spice." 

I put down my controller after a good thirty minutes of playing. "If you'd like to see more, I can always keep going. I figured we didn't wanna be here all day, though." 

"That's a good thing, but I think I got all I need. You can work evenings, right? You can come in at five, leave at two." 

That'd... completely fuck up my sleep schedule. Law seemed to catch onto that too, as his look darkened a bit. He kept off to the side, though, and didn't say anything. "I can make it work. I'll use the time during my last week at my old job to make it work."

"Two weeks-"

"-Nah. One week. I already got a replacement lined up that'll most likely work out." I smiled at Law and he looked away, a tint of pink appearing on his face. 

"Ohhh I see! That's so cute, how long have you both been together?"

I shook my hands and spoke rapidly, praying Law wouldn't notice my panicking too much. "We're- I mean- we're just... friends." 

I looked over at Law. He was staring down into his lap and he had his hands clamped together. Apparently I wasn't the only one caught off guard.

"Oh, alright. Sorry- you both just look so great together." I laughed nervously as they stood up. "At any rate... I'll see you next Thursday?"

I waved as I stood up, pulling Law up. "Right! I'll see you then." I turned back to him, who was trying his best to look anywhere but me. "Let's, uh, clean." I turned back to the manager, who was taking their leave. "What's your name?" 

"Octavia. Have a good night." They turned around and left with a smile on their face. It was as if they suddenly had a Victorian air about them. I wonder what impression my name left on others. 

"Lets clean?"

I nodded. "Yeah, may as well. I got places to be, anyway. Gotta plan out how I'm gonna tell them I'm quitting in a week while also convincing them to hire you..." We unhooked cords from the television and the wall and hooked the Joy-Cons back to the actual system. We placed it all safely in the bag and we left. Patrons stared at us as we left, but continued about their business shortly after. I unlocked my car and sighed. "We really did it." 

"I didn't do anything, though... that was all your effort." He climbed into the passenger seat and I put the switch by his legs. I ran over to the driver's side and got in, turning on the car as usual and letting it heat up. 

"Eh... I don't know. I don't think it would've gone that well if I didn't have some support." I shrugged and looked downwards. I was nearly done with him. That was when I could start moving on. My biggest problem, in the past, was texting those who wanted nothing to do with me. I didn't have his phone number, so I could easily resist that. "...Thanks." 

He smiled lightly. "Of course." I drove off after and the rest of the ride was accompanied by the sounds of the city. No matter the time, it seemed that it was usually busy around here. I guess I'd find out if I'm right soon enough. I left Law at the apartments and I drove home in silence. 

I parked my car in my driveway and grabbed the switch, taking it inside the house first. I came back for my boxes of beads after. I went to my room and took off his jacket, staring at it. I felt... bad leaving it in the back of my closet. He'd likely do the same to my clothes that I left over there, though, so it isn't that bad... right? I folded it and put it in my dresser. I took off his cuff and put it in one of my bags of kandi. Sure, I didn't want to think of him- but he put time into making that. I didn't want to get rid of it like I wanted to get rid of the jacket. 

I flopped into bed once turning on the television, too tired and emotional to change into actual pajamas right now. I took off my glasses and took down my hair. I plugged in my earbuds and sighed, putting on fairly peppy music. This was good! It was the change I wanted. But... it didn't really matter compared to my dumbass making the mistake of love again. If anything, it kind of hurt. 

Being so close to the city made me a bit sad. This was my dream job in every aspect except... I didn't want to be near the city. I had a week to get over this, and I knew that it wouldn't be possible. The first time I fell in love, it took over a year to get over it. The second time was less severe, maybe half a year, but that's because we didn't actually talk that much before I got ditched. This time? I had no clue...

I wish I could ask you. You've probably been in love before, right? Actually, you may not have. I was reading fanfiction when my age was in single digits, and I read anything I wanted. You could absolutely be younger. Or, alternatively, you could be older. There's really no indicator on what your age is... and that's alright. 

I don't know when, but I fell asleep without changing out of my day clothes. 

I dreamt of nothing for the first time in a few days. I suppose it's better than having a nightmare, right? I got out of bed and untangled myself from my headphones. I looked at my clothes... I hadn't slept in my day clothes in forever. I got up and changed into something that was hopefully a bit nice. I didn't think Florence would like my news of quitting, and I didn't want to look like garbage when I did it. 

Then there's also the case of telling Dayton that I'm quitting... a week earlier than they anticipated. That one worried me the most. Dayton was the only thing I could call anything close to a friend, and I really didn't want to hurt them. I know that this is the best for me...

Or is it? I said I didn't want to go anywhere near the city because of Law. It kind of bugged me, in all honesty. I didn't know if this was a good idea, but there's no going back now. I sighed, flopping back onto bed. Maybe I really did fuck up. 

I got up after a few moments of staring at the ceiling, with the only noise accompanying me being the television. I plugged my phone into it's charger and went to eat breakfast. I threw some waffles in the toaster and turned off the television in my room in favor of turning the television in the living room on. I flopped onto the couch and skipped past watching the news, instead choosing to turn on children's cartoons. The news stressed me out, I didn't like to hear about it. 

I grabbed my waffles and put them on a plate. I went back to the couch and ate, a bit bored. I looked around. I still had that pot that was unpainted. Maybe I'd do that tonight. That pot survived these last few days, painting it like I originally planned might help ground me a bit. I needed paints, though, and a sealer. I remember Dayton said Mod Podge was fine, but I could use something better. All my paint is probably old and dried up, too. The last thing I wanted to do today was actually go out to the store, though. 

I'll just wing it with what I have and I'll see what works. 

I put my plate in the trash and went back to my room. I put on my glasses and put my hair up. I grabbed my phone and keys and left the house for the day. I got in my car and turned on angry music. If there's anything that's helped me through heartbreak so far, it was getting mad. That might sound extremely unhealthy, but try it. It's different for everyone, but you never know what'll work. 

I used to offer my friends such good relationship advice. That's their words- not mine. I can't... figure out why I can't make it work. Maybe it's true that coaches don't play. My other friends who were 'coaches' actually managed to find love, though. Maybe I'm just the problem. 

What did I need to change about myself? Okay, actually, what didn't I need to change. I looked terrible, had really long and straight hair, I was short, I was also nonbinary to boot, which really seemed like the killer in this case. I questioned a few times in the past if I should just shove it and act like I'm cisgender, but I figured it'd cause me more harm than good. I had terrible acne, my face was kind of round, I wasn't really skinny, but I wasn't really big enough so people would enjoy me. I was painfully average in everything- talents and looks. 

I shook my head and started to drive off, shoving that topic in a corner of my brain where I'd surely focus on it later, even if I didn't want to. The drive to work was fairly peaceful this time, and I hoped it wasn't a bad omen to what was about to come. I stopped my car and got out, grabbing my phone. I did the same as always. Push the glass door on the left open with my shoulder, go to the employees only room, put on my apron... but there was an obvious difference in my routine this time. A few of my coworkers watched as I left instantly after, going to Florence's office. 

I knocked on the door nervously. I could hear my heart beating. All that did was make my anxiety worse. I opened the door at a chirpy 'come in!' and closed it behind me. 

"Basil! Good morning. You never come to see me unless something's wrong, what's up?" She thought for a moment before looking back up at me. "Oh- is it about that promotion offer?" 

I completely forgot about that. I shook my head. "Uhm, no, actually..." I sat down in a chair across from her desk, straightening out my clothes after. She took the hint and set her pen down, leaning forward and staring me down with a sense of importance. "I'm, uh, here to put in my... one week's notice?"

"Not two weeks?" Concern was evident on her face. "I mean- I cannot stop you, obviously, but why?" 

"There was somewhere in the city hiring. It's, like, my dream? Not working in the city- but what the job entails. I needed a change... there's absolutely nothing wrong with anybody here." I trailed off, looking to the side. "Actually, I'm kinda sad to leave you all..." I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly.

Florence smiled at me and reached their hand across the table, resting it on her desk. "It's alright, you gotta follow your dreams. I'm a bit worried about hiring someone new, but I'm happy we were a part of your dreams."

I put my hand on theirs and leaned forward. "Actually... I think I got an idea about my replacement." She sat back and I withdrew my arm. She motioned for me to continue. "It's a friend, actually. He frequents here..." I looked down. It wasn't too obvious that I wasn't thrilled with this, right? I loved him, and I wanted him to be happy... 

And nothing was his fault. Ruining his reputation would be petty for absolutely no reason. 

"His name is Lawrence. He's... a good friend of mine that I'm really fond of. He actually found me my new job so he could hopefully take my place. He's strong, and a hard worker, I have no doubt that he'd be able to maintain the floor fairly well." I spoke with the utmost confidence, trying desperately to convince Florence. Law did nothing wrong. It was likely my past disdain for those I got rejected from that might've caused that. Something was telling me to ruin this- to make him stuck at that dead-end warehouse job. I couldn't, though. He did nothing to deserve that. 

Florence smiled. "You really believe in this man, right?"

I nodded. "Absolutely. I've seen it first hand, he's a really great person." A slight smile appeared on my face, but all I felt was despair. Everything was telling me that this was a bad idea, but it's the right thing to do... right? I stood. "If you'd like, I'll give him your contact information so you can set up a meeting." 

"Basil, honey, are you okay? I trust your judgement, and I'm really willing to hire him on the spot. I've seen him around, he looks like a good man. But- are you alright?" I leaned on the chair and looked down. My eyes were half-lidded and I didn't want to say anything, or else I'd risk crying. 

I took a deep breath and held my voice steady. "Yeah, I'm... alright. Just... tired." I blinked a few times and looked up, an artificial smile on my face. "My shift is about to start- please excuse me-" I ran out of the room without giving her the chance to reply. I ran to clock in, as I forgot to do so before, and I walked out onto the floor. 

My motivation was tanked. I wanted nothing more than to just lay down and forget everything that happened this week. It could've been worse though, right? I was startled out of my thoughts by Dayton tackling me. "Hey hey! How're we doin?"

Right... how do I say that I'm leaving in a week? "I'm... Honestly, I could be better- and my life's in flames and I don't know how I'm taking this." 

They stepped back a bit, giving me room. "Let's go talk, alright?" 

They put their hand on my shoulder and I sighed. I followed them to the employees room and we pulled up some chairs. I sat down and leaned my head against the table. "God-- fuck." 

"Take your time, I'm... I'll take any news you have..." 

I sighed. "I got the job. They... want me in a week." 

"A week!" They exclaimed, leaning forward. "I mean- is Florence okay with that?" Oddly enough, they weren't mad. 

"Already told her, she's okay with it. Mostly because she's ready to hire Law at the drop of a hat." I chuckled lightly and sighed after, a frown making its way back onto my face. 

"That isn't the only problem, is it? Is it... him?" They put their hand on my back, rubbing it softly. I buried my face into my arms.

"Yeah, it is. I don't get it-" I raised my head at once, gesturing my arms and hands in an angry manner. "I... want to ruin his life." I heard them mumble a small 'oh-'. I looked over at them and their eyes widened a bit. "I can't though. He didn't do anything to me."

"Remnant of past failures?" I groaned and laid back down. "Y'know, maybe you're just naturally... murderey." They chuckled a bit, trying desperately to bring up my mood. I smiled lightly. 

"Ahah, no. I'm not really murderey. I just... don't know where I went wrong." I leaned my head against my knuckle, sighing. "Am I boring, am I too much? Am I not tall enough-"

"-Wow, okay. Calm down." They forcefully turned me towards them. "There's nothing wrong with you." They put their hands on my knees and stared me down.

"...And who'd say that?" 

"Me. I would." They stood up and grabbed a box. "Look, I heard this from a comment section once." They scribbled my name on the box in sharpie. "You're like a package!" They threw the box up and caught it.

"If I'm that package, please don't drop me." I chuckled lightly, an impression of a smile appearing on my face.

"Got it." They held it firmly in both hands. "So, someone ordered you, right?"

"I mean- don't you get a package for it's contents?"

"Not the point." They shook their head. "But- okay so- back to the idea. Someone ordered you, yeah?" 

I nodded reluctantly. Who would order me. "This kinda rides on the idea of soulmates- what if nobody ordered me?"

They stopped for a bit. "Do you believe in soulmates?"

I thought for a moment. "I guess. Not really for me though." I rubbed the back of my head nervously. 

"Nope. If you believe in soulmates, then you gotta believe there's one for you too." They shook their head and looked down at the box. "Okay- so this is you. Someone ordered you. What's the problem so far?"

I counted on my fingers. "Uhm, attempted package theft?"

They chuckled. "That's a first. But I mean- you're just... ending up at the wrong people. You're being misdelivered." 

"Is misdelivered a word?" 

They shrugged. "Probably." They sat back down and put the box on the table. "Open it." 

I looked at them. "Is this just a box you keep for this metaphor?"

"Uh, yes? Everybody has love problems, and this usually helps them." They motioned me forward. I got up and grabbed a pair of scissors, opening them and using them to cut the box open. I threw it open. 

Contained in the metaphor box was a variety of things. I took out a paper written in Dayton's cursive. I could barely read it, but it seemed to be a rant of sorts. Also in the box was a bunch of small objects like bouncy balls and candles. "What does this mean?"

"This is you." They took out a bunch of stuff. "Some of this stuff kinda sucks, right?" 

I looked over at them, a bit offended. "What?"

"No offense, but nobody's amazing. Regardless of, though, this stuff... encompasses you. Someone wants all of this." They started putting stuff back in the box. "See what I mean?"

I nodded. "I think so..." I looked around nervously, noticing that my previous feelings of sadness had mostly faded. "Good metaphor." 

"Thanks. I stole it from somewhere, just put a physical spin on it. Glad you liked it." They retaped the box after putting everything back in it. They put it on the table, and I then noticed that there were a couple of scribbles on the box. Probably crossing out people's names. It felt good to know I wasn't the only one with this issue. "How we doin?" 

"Better, thanks..." I stood up and pushed in my chair. "Let's go?" 

"Let's." We left the room, chatting on the way out. We followed each other as we checked merchandise and kept engaging in small talk. This is what friends did, right? 

"Day... I got a question." 

They fake-gasped and put their hand over their mouth. "Oh? Do I finally get a nickname from you?"

I chuckled and put the pot I was holding back onto the ground. "Ahaha, I suppose so." I picked up a new one and looked it over. "Anyway, though... are we, like, friends?"

They looked over at me with a smile on their face. "Silly, I thought we were already friends!" I looked over to them, a smile appearing on my face. 

"That's good to know, I suppose. I don't know... I just thought of you as an acquaintance before this week. Good to know that we could change that." 

They walked over to me and hugged me. "Of course! You have my number, we aren't gonna lose contact, right?" 

I shook my head. "I got your number, and we probably won't. I guess that depends on us though, right?" I hugged them back, sighing. Emotions from earlier hit me again, but I tried to brush them off. 'I'm misdelivered...' I repeated that in my head as we both pulled away. They got up and went to another shelf near me. 

"We'll be alright, don't worry!" They turned over a pot and set it back on the shelf, picking up another pot. "You good?"

"Yeah, just emotions. Trying to remember what you said earlier." 

"It's so recent... this can't be about Law." I looked over to them. "Who's this about?" 

I knew it on the inside. I really wanted to deny it, though. It's been years... "Some guy. Years ago. I'm not comfortable saying his name."

"That bad? Yikes. Wanna... talk about it?" 

"You keep being my temporary therapist, aha. Aren't you tired of this?" 

They put down their pot and moved to help me check my shelf. "It's interesting to hear about you, especially because I'm the only person you like who knows all this. It's like being the first to hear the gossip."

I glared at them. "Don't spread around my drama, aha." I shook my head and grabbed another pot. 

"I know, I know... Don't worry, I'd never do that." They grabbed a pot and checked it over. "So, what did this guy do?"

I chuckled lightly. As much as it hurt to think about, I wanted to keep a fairly humorous air about this. "Uhm- what didn't he do?"

I proceeded to tell the story of how I was played with and left, chuckling the whole way through. I assured them that they were allowed to laugh, and they gladly laughed alongside me. "That's clown shit. You don't deserve that, man." 

"I know, I know. Happy I never texted him back after essentially saying 'hey fuck you' and leaving." We exchanged stories about our childhoods as we checked pots. "I'm gonna go get the stuff to repair this, alright?" 

"Yep, yep, just be back soon!"

I waved my hand at them. "Ah, don't worry. I'd never ditch you, ahaha." I shook my head and walked off as they turned back to the shelf. I walked into the employees only room and repaired the pot in record time. Who thought I'd work better when in a good mood? I took it back onto the floor.

"Basil!" I turned around to see Law walking up to me. He looked down, not trying to draw attention towards himself. "Uh- Basil... did you ever talk to your boss?"

"Firstly," I stretched my arms, "Her name is Florence."

"Alright... did you talk to Florence?" 

"Yeah, I did. She's pretty... chill? You could probably go see her right now if you wanted to." I readjusted the weight of the pot and motioned towards the employees only room. "Let me go put this down, and I can take you there." 

"That'd, uh, be great! Yeah..." He smiled nervously and I briskly walked back to the shelves. 

"That took forever? Couldn't find the paint, or?" I set the repaired pot back on the shelf. "Don't tell me-"

"You always seem to know everything." I put on an artificial smile born from hatred and sadness. "It's him all right. I'm sorry, but it looks like he's gonna be your coworker." 

They sighed. "Kidding? Obviously you aren't but- man... So that's why Florence let you quit a week later instead of two weeks." 

I shrugged. "Nobody really said you had to interact with him." 

They put down the pot they were holding and crossed their arms. "You realize I'll clock this guy for you if you want me to." They put their palms up in a 'consider this' gesture and I chuckled, shaking my head. "Alright, but you know where to find me." 

"I'll be back in like... Two minutes." 

They shooed me away with a smile on their face. I left the aisle and met back up with Law. Dayton could always punch him for me, but he hadn't done anything wrong. "Uhm, alright. Follow me." I brushed past him and continued walking. I heard him follow me hesitantly. I opened the door to the employees room unceremoniously and stood by a closed door. "This one."

He stood by me. "It looks..."

"Intimidating? Nahhh, she's not scary. I know it looks super gloomy back here but..." I looked at the grey paint peeling off the wall and the metal folding table that had been here longer than I. "...It isn't that bad. The people make up for it." He was about to say something but my knocking on the door cut him off.

Once I finished knocking, a voice rang out from behind the door. "Basil, honey, come in!" I looked to Law and he tensed up. 

"You'll live, don't worry. I can't stay around for this meeting, but it'll go alright." I gave a hopefully reassuring smile as I opened the door, taking a couple of steps in. Law followed me and stood beside me, closing the door behind him. 

"Oh, this is your friend, right? Well..." She stood up and leaned across her desk, holding out her arm. Law took it hesitantly and shook it. "...It's good to meet you! I've heard a lot about you- but mostly good things, don't worry." I put my hand over my mouth and smiled. 

"I'm working still, I can't stick around, y'know? Don't kill him." I shook my head and turned around. 

"I won't, don't worry." He hesitantly took a seat and I took my leave, shutting the door behind me. I left the room and went back to rejoin Dayton. 

"How'd that go?" They chuckled lightly and repositioned how they were sitting. 

"Alright, I poked some fun at him but that's about it." I waved it off and grabbed another pot. "We should move. We've been here for far too long."

They put down the pot in their hands and stood up, stretching out their back and arms. "You think? I'm alright with whatever." They walked closely at my side and we went out to the back. "What's today?"

I looked at my phone. It was kind of old, but it still worked. I never bothered to get a new one. "Friday. What- ya want the time too?" 

They shrugged and leaned against the wall. "Why not? Whatcha got?" 

"Six. In the evening."

They showed their phone to me. The clock read seven in the evening. "Looks like you need to check your mental math." 

I looked at my phone's clock. Sure enough, the time read seven in the evening, and I was just really bad at math. "So... did the truck already come?"

"Mm. Maybe there was traffic, it doesn't look like it's come by yet." I ran my hands through my hair and sat on the ground, looking through social media. Dayton sat next to me and scrolled through their photos. "Look at this one-"

They were at the amusement park nearby, standing in the arcade. I smiled. "Felt like forever ago. When was that taken?" 

"When I was a teenager. Haven't been since." They shrugged and started scrolling through their phone again. I went into my photos app, but I didn't have much to show off other than the copious amounts of photos of fictional characters I had. I'm fictional to you, right?

I think it just hit me that you can just... skip to the end and you can know what my fate is. Unlike you, my fate isn't escapable. You can change your future though, and I highly encourage you to. Especially if it's something you don't like. 

I found a picture of me from when I was a teenager. I sent it to... him. It was still a nice photo, though. I turned it to them. "I was, like, fifteen."

The photo featured me in my pajamas laying down with my cat. You couldn't tell from this angle, which was my phone being directly above me, but I was laying on a Pikachu blanket. I was laying on top of my stuffed animals, too.

"Aw that's nice. You look really carefree." 

Shrugging, I took my phone back. "Eh, wouldn't be able to believe I got my heart broken shortly after, right?" 

"Really? Man, I'm sorry..." They shrugged and we looked up at the sound of the truck. I only really came out here to carry the heavier stuff. Florence came outside to sign some papers, and Law followed. "Man- don't look now." 

I turned around and waved. "Hey hey, how'd it go?" I sneered at Dayton and got up. 

"I think... it went well." He shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, but his breathing patterns said differently. He was breathing a bit faster than normal. 

"It likely went alright, calm down." I waved it off and sighed, looking over at the truck. We didn't usually get much in. We were a fairly small establishment and we were located in a small town, it wasn't often that we were out of stock on something or we needed to restock. We had a few reliable customers though; and like Law, people came from the city often. "So... that's that? I'm sorry your apron will probably be pink, but-"

"-It's alright, I really don't mind." I watched Florence go inside behind him and I sighed. This was going to hurt. All I've been talking about is how much it's going to hurt, but I don't think the reality of it has hit me yet. 

"I've kinda got some stuff to carry, so I'll... be seeing you around?" 

He seemed a bit surprised, then he promptly relaxed. "Yeah- of course... see you around." He turned his back on me and left, and that was likely the last time I'd see him. I laid my head on my shoulder and sighed. This was for the better, of course, but it didn't mean it felt good. 

I walked over to Dayton, who had already gotten a head start on unloading the truck. "I got most of it, it's just the heavier stuff that you need to grab." I hummed in confirmation and climbed into the truck. I grabbed bags and threw them outside, usually bigger bags of soil that our customers sometimes had problems carrying. After that, the truck had driven off. 

"We doin' alright?" I looked to Dayton, who's sneer from earlier was replaced with a genuine look of concern. 

"Yeah, it sucks but I know it'll get easier." I shrugged it off. "Do we really need all of this?"

"Maybe Florence was tired. Just put down what you can and throw the rest in the back, as always." They picked up a bigger box with some normal pots in it and started carrying it inside. I grabbed one of the bigger bags of soil and took it inside, dropping it on the preexisting soil pile. We continued in this manner until we were finished, and then we broke off for the night. 

I checked the clock near obsessively and clocked out at the first minute that I could. I was super tired, and I wanted nothing more than to get home, eat, and sleep. I had tomorrow off, so I could take that time to prepare for my last week. Also to bathe, since I hadn't done that in a while...

I took off my apron, deciding I'd wash it on Tuesday night. I'd just leave it there that Wednesday. I grabbed my stuff, as usual, and went home. I opened the door to my house and rubbed my eyes, throwing my keys into the washer and falling onto the couch. I sat there in the dark for a while before the cold got to me, and I got up. I closed the door and took out my phone. I don't feel like eating something, so I decided to just order pizza. Pizza's a good idea when sad, right? 

Likely not, but when was pizza an actually smart decision? Like, health-wise? I placed that order fairly quickly, and I threw my phone onto the couch. I looked at my television, trying to figure out what was missing, before I noticed that I never hooked the Switch to the television again. Which was another thing, having to hook that up every night was going to get annoying. I took the bag from my room and yawned lightly as I took the components from the bag and moved everything back to its original position. 

Once I was done, I sat on the couch for a while longer. I was started out of my half-asleep daze by a knocking on the door. I opened it, grabbed my food, and made sure to tip. "Stay warm!" I closed the door behind me and set the boxes on the oven. If there was anything I severely lacked, it was counter space. I grabbed some pizza and sat on the couch, watching whatever happened to be on at the time. I didn't really watch television or watch movies, so instead I just watched kids channels and picked up on what I saw. I certainly wasn't the type to binge a show. 

Just in case you're curious, the pizza was pepperoni and pineapple. Sue me. 

I threw out my trash and went to my room, throwing on the television. I laid down for a bit, then decided to actually take care of myself. I changed, threw down my hair, took off my glasses, and went to brush my teeth. I stared into the mirror. As always, I looked like a train wreck. Guess you just can't help some things. I flattened down my hair and sighed. 

I was alright. I was just getting by, and that's enough for me. 

I left the room and climbed into my cold bed. I stared at the ceiling for a bit before I turned around and went to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

I woke up and didn't actually do much that day. I showered as promised, spending most of the time in the shower thinking rather than washing up, as you do. I threw on my pajamas in the bathroom and slung a clean towel around my shoulders, placing my wet hair on top of it. I took my clothes and put them in the hamper. I needed to go grocery shopping... but I could always do that on Monday. The store's always busy on Saturdays. I spent the rest of my day playing video games, and I even picked up Hollow Knight as a nice early-holiday gift for myself. Once again, I'd be spending the holidays alone. It didn't bother me too badly, actually. I rather preferred that to being around people all day. 

I drank water throughout the day and received minimal notifications. I had leftover pizza for meals- which is why I usually order more than one box of pizza- and I think I went to bed happy that night. It was the first time in forever that that had happened, and I woke up the next morning a bit later than usual. It didn't matter, I'd make it to work on time anyway. 

The rest of my week proceeded as it usually did, with the only exception being Dayton. They were a bit more emotional than usual, and proceeded to hug me every night before I clocked out. I didn't reject the advances, and I actually welcomed them after the heartbreak I endured earlier that week. With enough distractions with getting ready to move work locations, the pain didn't bother me as much. 

On Wednesday morning, I woke up at... one in the morning. I kid you not. I sat there for a bit trying to get back to bed, but I knew it wasn't going to happen. I sat up, frustrated. 

I didn't want to do nothing with my time. I got up, threw on my pajama pants, and went to the living room. I threw the apron in the washer after neglecting to do it yesterday and turned on the television. I grabbed my Joy-Cons and played various games throughout the night, mostly Project Diva and Hollow Knight. The game was hard, but I knew that going into it. I enjoyed hard video games, and I liked the challenge they provided. 

There was likely some other deep-seeded reason why I liked harder games, especially given my mental health history, but I chose to ignore those. Much like I had chosen to ignore this mood shift, I had also chosen to ignore the signs that I should've seeked therapy. I knew that it'd likely make my mood shifts less severe, but I can handle this. I can fix my problems on my own. 

I knew deep down that this was wrong, but it didn't matter at that moment. I flipped over and looked at the window as the sun rised, and I watched the birds start to yell at each other. I had to leave soon...

Regardless of how great I feel after a grand total of three hours of sleep, I threw on my shoes happily and grabbed everything I needed before running into work. I even went a bit over the speed limit so I'd arrive a bit early. 

I was super productive that day. Dayton insisted that I should've rested after three hours of sleep, but it didn't bother me. I decided to work checkout that day, and I did fairly well. Better than I usually do, anyway. I started getting tired at various points throughout the day, but I stuck it out and didn't care too much. I went into the back room and took off my apron with a flourish. "You were super... great today." I folded it down and set it on the table. I turned to Dayton, leaning against the desk. "From what I hear, you must have a lot of self-control."

"This was just... shorter than usual. It's starting to catch up to me now, even though my mania lasts... a few days? This was a new experience." 

"It seemed like a fast cycle." I shrugged. "So... text me?"

I smiled sadly. I opened my arms and they leapt forward, hugging me tightly. I sighed and drew shapes on their back. "It's just. I never really thought you'd leave." 

"I didn't either. We can totally text, though!" We let each other go and they stepped back. 

"Right... don't be a stranger. We might not see each other often, but we can't just... lose contact." I took out my phone and looked to find their contact, which I took the liberty of adding earlier. I sent off a quick 'hi :)' and put my phone away. They checked it and a smile formed on their face.

"We'll be alright, don't worry. Wanna walk?" They clocked out and put their stuff away before following me out to my car. I unlocked it before climbing in. 

"I, ah, need your keys..."

"Already in my apron for my replacement, don't worry." 

They hesitated. "I mean- nobody... could really replace you. You had an amazing- you have an amazing- work ethic and you're fun to work with."

I put my hand on their leg, due to me being seated and them standing, I was a bit shorter than they were at this moment. "Text me anytime. Especially because I'm working nights, I'm totally down to answer during the day and in between games." I removed my hand from their leg and they got down to my height. 

"Ahaha, you have no plans to be a flawless worker, huh?"

"Never was, never will be." I shrugged it off and we chuckled. "Have a good night, alright?"

They nodded before leaving. They hesitated before turning around and going to their car. It was a bit warmer today, so I drove off without waiting. 

I went into my house and, like routine, threw my keys on the washer and got ready for bed. I climbed into bed, relieved I didn't need to wake up early tomorrow. It'd take some adjustment, but I'm sure sleeping like this would be way better for me. I had no incentive to work overtime this time, and I'd end my shift when the bar closed. I slept fairly well, and got up later than I usually did. 

I ate lunch, because I slept in way too long for it to be considered breakfast, and I got my stuff ready early. I didn't want to be late because of technological problems, and I likely wanted to show up 10 minutes early so I could set stuff up. I exchanged the occasional text messages with Dayton throughout the day, but I was reassured that I'd likely get more as time went on. It was up to them to train Law for today, and Dayton hesitantly and begrudgingly reported that he was doing well. 

I decided to go with a comfortable theme rather than a professional one. I threw on loose clothes and brushed my hair out so I at least looked mildly presentable. I washed off my face and straightened out my clothing. I looked... alright. I grabbed my bag and left about thirty minutes before I started my shift, though it was probably smarter to leave forty minutes beforehand. I sped over there, still a bit drowsy due to a new sleep schedule, and parked my car in the first available spot I saw. The bar was off of a main road in it's own plot, and it had its own parking lot in the back. I went around to the front with my bag and opened the door. 

The atmosphere was really homey, and the inside of the bar was warm. It was colored with various tones of brown, and the lighting was dimmer than a normal room's. I ran my hands through my hair and checked in with the bartender. "Guess who got hired?"

"Don't tell me... you were here last week?" She set down a glass she was cleaning and leaned over the edge of the bar. "That's great! It's nice working here, I swear. Octavia might seem kind of stuck up, but once you're here for a bit, she'll loosen up." I looked over at a door that swung open, and someone walked out of it carrying food. He seemed nice. "I'm Tilia, it's good to meetcha."

I shook her hand. "Good to meet ya, Tilia. I'm Basil." I looked at the clock hung on the wall. "Right- fuck- where am I setting up at?" 

"You've got a table for yourself over there, you're using that television. It'll always be free, because we aren't a sports bar, so don't panic over that possibility."

I sighed and smiled lightly. "Alrighty then, I'm gonna get set up." She poked my shoulder before I turned around and handed me a remote. She then explained that it was for the television, and she showed me how to change the volume and the source. 

"We have speakers, which is pretty cool. We're usually playing soft music during the day when the other guy's here, but at night? The entire floor's yours." I rubbed the back of my head. This felt like a lot of pressure. She took notice of this, and told me to relax. "The other guy pulled in a decent audience, and most of our customers start to come in a few hours, anyway. You'll attract a crowd, just do your thing." 

I nodded, still a bit nervous, and took my leave. I went over to my designated area, a simple table placed a little away from a television suspended in the air by a mount. There was a shelf by the television in the nearby corner where I could rest my stuff. It seemed recently installed. I smiled lightly and pulled up a chair. I got on it and proceeded to install my stuff, trying my best not to drop anything. I suppose various cables are a thing of the past, because the Switch was installed using a HDMI cable. I plugged it into the second slot, because the first one was already taken, and I climbed down after setting the dock with the screen on the shelf. I popped my Joy-Cons into the grip and sat back down, turning the television from a children's show to the right source. So, this was a family establishment? Maybe there was nothing else on, though. 

I rubbed the back of my head and played various songs as the bar got busier. I laid back, doing basic multiples with ease. It looked impressive to other people, but it didn't look like much to those who actually played. I dropped the difficulty to hard once other people started coming in, and I started clearing songs that I hadn't done yet. I felt a tap on my shoulder and I paused the game, turning around. 

Some guy, probably middle or early twenties. Didn't look like much, and he had someone staring at him from behind with a supportive smile on his face. The man in front of me waved a hand in front of my face and I turned to him with a neutral expression. The last thing I want on my first day is to get bent and punch a dude. "You new?"

"Yeah, why do ya wanna know." I turned back around and unpaused my game. Obviously he thought he'd take my time of day, and I was going to make him think otherwise. 

"Do ya compete?" I paused my game and leaned back a bit, still refusing to give him all of my attention. He walked over to the side of me and I sighed. 

"Sure," I leaned forward a bit, staring at him, "I do, you gotta wager though."

He turned back to his boyfriend, which gave him a thumbs up, and he turned back to me. "Is ten good?" 

His confidence seemed to be dwindling little by little. Mine wasn't; however, I couldn't help but note that this guy was probably trying to impress his boyfriend. I kinda felt bad, he shouldn't have to do that. I do have an obligation to beat this guy, though, so...

"Yeah, ten's pretty good. Wave your friend over here too, it'll be fun." I was at a disadvantage because my Joy-Cons were a bit older. "All I got is a pro-controller. Do you need an explanation on how to play, or...?" 

He took the controller from me happily. "I think I'll be fine, it's just pressing buttons." 

I refrained from laughing and I turned back around. "Once I'm done playing, we'll disconnect my controller and connect yours, since co-op mode on here is something I haven't tried yet, and I can't imagine it sounds good." I shrugged and held my controller to him. "You wanna pick the song? Difficulty too, of course."

He took it and went to extreme, which was his first mistake. His second mistake was hitting the randomizer until "2D Dream Fever" came up. Another disadvantage of mine was that this was my save file, meaning those who watched me or played against me could see what scores I got in what songs. I had a resounding 76% in this song, which is about 6% over the threshold for passing. He turned to his companion. "Is this good?"

"I don't know, man. Pick whichever one you think you excel at." His words sounded a bit harsh and uncaring, but they were delivered with a warm smile. My opponent turned back to me and gave me the controller. 

I shrugged. "You sure? This one's kinda hard." I at least wanted to give him a chance to back out. 

He turned to me. "Yeah, I'm sure. If I can't beat you, I know what to work on passing so I can come back." 

I turned to look at him. 'I know what to work on passing...' So, he's probably played before. It didn't worry me too much, because I knew of players of various ages that were stuck at various places. I knew of players older than me who were stuck on normal, while I also knew those younger than me who had blitzed past my level of skill. It's something any able-bodied person can pick up, it just takes a lot of practice. "Alrighty then..." 

I didn't warm up, and it definitely showed in my performance. I was doing way worse than I usually would, and I barely managed to scrape by the faster part in the middle. You know the one. I fumbled my way through the triple multiples in the middle, and once I passed the fast part, I knew I was alright. Dropping out on this song is always a fifty-fifty for me. I looked at the percent bar as we neared the end and I mumbled out my prediction. I ended up beating said prediction by a percent- and I finished with a percent of 79.30%. Which beat my record of 76% by 3.30%, which didn't seem like much but it definitely was. I hit A so the results screen would give me my stats. "If you'd like to play by percent, we can do that. Score's also another option that I'm open to." He looked at the stats screen and seemingly went pale. I snickered lightly and went to the home menu, turning off my controller and turning on his. "So, what'll it be?" I crossed my leg and leaned forward. According to my split of sixty and forty, I'd make four dollars. Which wasn't a lot, but it was something. 

"I'll go by, ah..." He seemed to be weighing his options. He didn't really have luck in either area, and he seemed to know this already. "Score, I suppose." 

I took a sticky note from the stack I took from the bar earlier and I scribbled down my score. 668300. He couldn't get more Cools than I did, but I suppose he had a better chance at that then beating my score. I got 614 of those, by the way. I laid back and I watched him fumble his way through the beginning easily enough, but he seemingly didn't know how to alternate, because he dropped out pretty fast. He set down his controller, but he didn't seem too down about it. "That's alright. I'll improve, and you'll see me back!" 

I smiled at him. "I'll look forward to it, then. Can I know the name of my future rival, or are we keeping that a secret?" 

"Selmer, my boyfriend's name is Alberto." 

I stood up along with them. "Don't tell me... Argentina?" 

The man from before, Alberto, stood at Selmer's side. "How'd you know?" 

"I used to know of somebody else named that. Dude happened to be from Argentina." I waved it off. 

Alberto chuckled. "I guess it's a popular name, right?" 

"I suppose so." Selmer interjected, likely not wanting our interaction to go on all night. I didn't want that either, because I had attracted a few people, and I didn't really want them to get bored. "The ten's yours. Got... any advice?" 

I looked at his hands. "You're mostly fine. Just need to learn to alternate. Also, take advantage of macros, even though I barely take advantage of them..." I smiled and shook my head. 

He chuckled. "I'll be back, and I'll beat you someday!" 

He held out his hand and I shook it. "I'll wait for the day, then." He turned around and grabbed Alberto's hand, and the two of them went to sit down at a booth. I sat back down in my chair and continued playing other songs. Despite the initially rude gesture, Selmer seemed pretty nice. Additionally, I know it's my job to beat people, but I actually had a lot of fun that time. 

Other people came to play against me throughout the night leading up to closing. Most of them bet fairly low, and played songs that were on normal or hard. I didn't mind this, of course, but it wasn't like any of them won. I got accused of cheating at one point, despite absolutely not cheating and having no way I could do so. The person left in a huff after I proved I wasn't cheating, but I had managed to attract a crowd of folks eating around me and watching me play that made up for that loss. By the end of the night, I had quite a bit in tips that I'd split to make a decent profit, and I made thirty five dollars from bets- fourteen of which I got to keep. That's on top of my wage, which was a bit over the minimum.

It wasn't like I was strapped for cash right now, so I didn't worry too much about not making a lot. I knew that this would likely happen once I started driving to the interview, and I was ready for it. I turned off the television once my crowd dispersed and the doors were locked so we could clean and prepare for tomorrow. My hands ached, and I was tired. I stood up and unplugged the Switch after reconnecting the Joy-Cons to it. "I was watching you play, y'know." I turned around to see Octavia. 

"I'm not gonna fall, if that's what you're wondering." Usually you wouldn't be allowed to stand on furniture at work. If you fell, you could sue the workplace. No manager wanted to deal with that; and more importantly, they didn't want to deal with a loss of profits. 

"I don't mind that. Our chairs are sturdy, and you're against the wall." To make up for my lack of balance, I had put the chair against the wall and used it as support. I felt pretty secure like this, and I doubted I'd fall anytime soon. "What I mean is, you did pretty good for opening day."

I finished putting my stuff together in the bag and I climbed down. I counted out her fair share and handed it over. "You did the math already, I assume?" 

"I used the internet to do the math for me, but otherwise, yeah." I wiped down my table and threw that out and grabbed my bag. "I'll be seeing you all tomorrow?" 

"Of course. Have a good night... morning?"

I chuckled alongside her lightly. "Have a good night!" I took my leave from The Jackalope. I climbed into my car and put the Switch in the other seat, buckling it in like a small child would buckle in her doll. After waiting a bit, I drove home. I did my nightly routine- this time with the addition of counting my earnings and putting them in my wallet, and I laid down. 

I stared at my ceiling. I didn't really want to sleep and be faced with the bad dream I figured I'd have, but I didn't have a choice. I had a pretty good day today, and I think that was the first time I had fun working in ages. I leaned over and grabbed my phone, seeing as I didn't feel tired and wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon. I opened my conversation history with Dayton and read my message aloud as I typed it. "Hey... I know you're asleep, but I just got home at a... resounding god-knows-what in the morning, aha. I had a pretty good day, even met some new people... who might be regulars. I hope your day was good too, sleep well." 

I sent the message and, like expected, didn't get a reply. I plugged my phone back in and put it beside my bed. I turned over, fixing my old Pikachu blanket by shoving it under my stuffed animals. I threw my leg over my body pillow and, after fixing my pajama shirt a million times, finally fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

The next month proceeded in the same manner, with Alberto and Selmer coming back once a week to challenge me. Selmer more-so came to have me evaluate his skills, while Alberto came to offer support. I talked to Dayton in between games, sending off one text per intermission. After word got around, and about two weeks time, I had managed to spot the faces of my regulars versus my newcomers, and I tried to converse with them in between games, also. After a couple of months, I had a good community behind me. New folk, mainly tourists, would come to challenge me. I'd beat them most of the time, but every once in a while there was the occasional veteran player who came by and kicked my ass. I didn't mind, though. It made my challenges look beatable, which prompted more skillful players to try. I treated my opponents with a good level of respect, unless they seemed to want to have competitive banter. I participated, but I greatly preferred casual conversation instead. 

Dayton told me Law was doing fairly well and, like I predicted, he didn't really come by to see me. I hadn't heard from him or seen him since we split. I eventually stopped looking at his apartment complex everytime I passed it. Dayton also sent me a picture of them getting their braids, if you were wondering. Their black hair was separated into various groups as the stylist braided each of them individually. "Isn't that expensive?" I noted. They replied that it was worth it, and that it was something important to them. I wasn't in a place where I could disagree, so I said I'd support any decision they made with their hair. 

"Even if I decide to shave it all off?"

"Even if you decide to shave it all off." I chuckled as I sent the text message, staring up at my phone. I flinched as I dropped it on my face. I picked it back up and saw I sent various characters to Dayton, none of them forming a coherent word. "Sorry, dropped my phone." 

"It's alright no worries." I was also the only one between us who talked with mildly okay grammar. "Hows work? Did Selmer finally beat you?" 

"He got really close, but not yet. I'm pretty proud of how he's doing." I sent my message with a smiley face. 

"Whatll you do when he beats you?" Dayton usually used apostrophe marks, so they were likely doing something else in the background. It was after two in the morning, though, so I didn't know why they were up.

"We'll probably play for fun sometimes, but we're both constantly improving. He's like my rival- or he is my rival- so I know the fight isn't gonna stop here." I also had the habit of sending pretty long text messages, compared to Dayton's relatively short ones. I texted more than the average person for sure, so I knew that Dayton wasn't disinterested in me. "Why are you even up this late at night?"

"Who are you? The feds?" I chuckled and sent a reply saying I certainly wasn't any authority figure. "Proof?" I knew they were joking, but I sent a picture of myself anyway. I looked older than I did a few months ago, but who looks the same over a period of time, anyway? I traded out my usual Pokemon shirt for a shirt that depicted Baymax from Big Hero 6, a kids movie. I had my glasses replaced every two years, and had gone in last month to get new ones. My prescription hadn't changed much, but I switched from pink wire frames to black plastic frames with yellow and gold accents. My acne was still terrible, too, but I already accepted that as a part of life. "I suppose you don't look clean enough to be the feds, right?" They must've sat down, because their texting got a bit better.

"Hell no, I ain't clean enough to have any respectable position." I shrugged off the jab at my appearance. I knew it was true, so I didn't try to argue against it. 

We talked a bit more, then I bid them goodnight and plugged in my phone. I rolled over and fell asleep. 

The last dream I would have as a human being involved my exes, because why wouldn't they? You are, presumably, a human being. I don't mean to send you into a crisis, but I hope your final dream is better than mine. I dreamt I'd forgive one of them, and that I was digging through rubble to find the phone of the second. After that last fiasco, I didn't dare to fall in love again... except with Law... so I only really had three exes. I texted Dayton the next morning, and they said it might be time for me to forgive the first one. I denied it and moved onto another topic. I left for work at the same time with my equipment, set up, and I played that day. 

"Hey hey, you're back!"

"Hell yeah, it's time for my weekly evaluation. Don't sweat, but I think I'm confident this time." Selmer and Alberto pulled up their usual chairs and we all sat down. I cracked my knuckles, preparing for our competition. I didn't know it at the time, but this was the last competition I'd do when human. 

"Really now," I challenged him, "are you?"

He hit the randomizer a few times and came up on "Rolling Girl" on extra extreme. He decided extra extreme was a better bet than extreme was earlier, because it involved usage of the sliders more. This song was pretty hit or miss for me. 

Shockingly, with the pressure of being watched, I held up pretty well. This was a song I never practiced, so I certainly expected to do worse. A resounding 76.15%, which beat out my previous record that I couldn't remember. "You know the drill, percent or score?"

He studied my results screen before making his decision. "Percent, this time." I was a bit taken aback. Usually he agreed on score, but this time was different. Regardless, I set up his controller and handed it back to him. 

I first became worried because of how precise he was. I had made 59.94% in Cools, but my Good percentage of 32.76% greatly dragged me down. My maximum combo was 87, too, which was terrible. 

My second and final worry came from his hold time. My hold time on this song was terrible, since using my quadruple macro usually ended up not working on this song. Instead, it'd hit the note coming up, which lost me my hold combo and resulted in me missing the upcoming note. He didn't hit them all perfectly, and didn't get anywhere near a perfect at all, but...

He chuckled as the results screen came up and the words 'NEW RECORD!' gleamed below his percentage. A resounding 78.43% knocked my former score out of the park. I didn't feel bad, and I didn't feel discouraged. Instead I felt proud. I took the ten dollars from my wallet and handed it to him. "Excellent job!" 

He took it along with his wager. "You mean standard job?" We chuckled lightly. Alberto put his hand on his boyfriend's shoulder and Selmer leaned into him. "It took a while though, right?" 

I smiled, leaning forward towards him. "It took a pretty standard amount of time. You're probably somewhere near my skill level now, I'm pretty proud." I brushed my hair out of my face and cracked my fingers, taking my controller back and disconnecting his. 

"We aren't done yet, though, right?" I looked at him after setting my controller back up. "Alberto kinda wants to learn. I'm fine with teaching him, but I may come by for your advice." 

I nodded. "Absolutely! I look forward to the day when I face ya." I shifted my gaze to Alberto, who looked as confident as ever. "And if you ever decide this isn't your thing, that's alright too. Don't push yourself too hard." I sat back in my chair and smiled warmly. 

"Thank you! I look forward to when I can face you too." The two of them stood up and went to go grab their usual booth as I reentered the game, leaving the results screen and playing various songs. After seeing I was, indeed beatable, other people came to challenge me. I think I made more tonight than I did my other nights. I beat them, of course, but a couple of them made me worry a bit. I'd need to pick up the pace and tackle the ten star learning curve soon, or else people would know the place where their skills would need to be. I'd be losing more often, in other, simpler words. 

I took my money after my newest win and checked the clock. About ten minutes before I'd get to leave. Most people had left by now, and I usually took this time to get up and grab some food. I sat down at the bar. "Hello!" 

The bartender waltzed over to me. "Hey hey, so you finally got beat, eh?" 

I sighed and shook my head. "Yeah, I did. I don't feel bad about it, though."

They grabbed what I usually ate, being chicken tenders with fries and water. They handed me a couple of ranch cups. I took a bite from the chicken tenders, which the kitchen took great care making by now. They knew of my food preferences and my sensory faults by now, so they knew to make it as soft as possible. I paid a bit more for this by tipping more, obviously. "How're you feeling? Can't believe you actually made a rival on your first day here..."

"My hands kinda ache, but other than that... I feel pretty good about tonight." 

"Don't overdo it now, then your performance will be worse. It's better to take breaks." She put a glass away and moved to sit next to me. I nodded and finished the rest of my food fairly quickly. I paid, and tipped as mentioned earlier, and turned around. It still maintained the same feeling as it did when I first walked in. I felt like this was where I wanted to be until I died. 

Until I looked over and saw Law for the first time in months. He was sitting on his phone. He no doubt knew I was here- how long had he been here for? I debated talking to him. He didn't know I still loved him- so it couldn't be that awkward. Why was he even here, anyway? Why wasn't he here the last few months? He couldn't have been here for me...

Regardless of, though, I made the second worst decision of my life and walked over to his table with false confidence. I didn't want to show him I was struggling with this idea, and I didn't want his pity. I sat down and tapped his shoulder. He looked up, surprised, then was taken aback a bit. "Ah- Basil!" 

"Long time no see! What're you doing here?" He seemed really shocked that I was sitting across from him and I wasn't a hallucination. Maybe he really did forget I worked here.

"I'm just... waiting." 

He obviously didn't want to tell me much, but I had plans stating otherwise. "Waiting? For what- or who?" It hurt a bit to be knowing that he was meeting with someone else, but I didn't want to let it take me by surprise. 

"Just- a friend." I moved closer to the wall, showing I had no intentions of leaving. "You can... meet him if you'd like."

Last I heard, he had no friends. I was pretty interested in who managed to catch his attention. I peeked my head out from behind him and looked to the far wall. I was instantly taken aback a bit, because there's no way that person had actual fox ears, right? He emerged from behind the seat and sat down next to me. "Hey- wait who's this?" 

My startling fear of strangers hit me at this moment, but I chose to shove it aside for the time being. "Basil. I'm one of Law's friends." I held out my hand.

He shook it brightly. "Oh, you're Law's friend? I think I've heard about you! I'm Ren." We let go of each other's hands and sat around for a bit. "I'll go get us drinks, alright? Just one more round to finish off the night." 

He left before I could inform him that alcohol wasn't my thing. Law looked at me, a bit worried, before he got up and quickly followed him. I shook my head and stared down, hopefully Law could inform him... it didn't really matter, I'd drink it anyway, but I'd prefer water. They came back a bit later than I expected, with the drinks in Ren's hand. He set them down on the table. He must've just been short, because he certainly didn't look twenty one. I looked at the one in front of me, feeling a bit nauseous and nervous. "Thanks..." I grabbed it and drank it slowly. I hadn't had alcohol before, so I wasn't too surprised about it tasting weird. Wasn't it supposed to taste weird? The other two didn't touch theirs, but I chose to leave it alone. I leaned back, my anxiety partially leaving me. I looked at my equipment, which was still set up to the television. The television was already off, and it didn't take me long to gather my stuff, so I wasn't too worried about time. 

"Uhm... I'm gonna go. It's pretty late..." I watched as Ren excused himself from the table without even touching his drink. 

"Alrighty then, have a good night, Ren." I waved at him as he hurried out of the bar. Law quickly got up and, without saying a word to me other than 'sorry', left. I looked around in confusion. That wasn't my fault, was it? I could get my stuff later...

I stood up and followed them outside. The cold winter air hit my face and I hugged myself for warmth. There wasn't anybody around, really. I sighed, getting ready to go back inside. "Hey-"

I released the door handle from my grip and turned around to face Law. He looked pretty down. "Hey... uhm- I'm sorry about Ren running off?" No matter what, it sucked to be ditched. I wanted to just go inside and leave him be, but my more empathetic side took over. 

"He's gone. I... don't know where he is." 

"Like I said- I'm sorry. I'm pretty tired after working and-" I put my hands up defensively, feeling a bit uncomfortable. 

"He was just... meant to be different, I think." He hugged himself and continued looking down. 

I put my hand on his shoulder in a hopefully comforting gesture, then drew it back one I realized that'd be a bit awkward. "Want me to drive you home? I can totally do that, it doesn't bother me." It did bother me a bit, but I didn't care about that right now.

The next thing I knew, I stumbled back. The right side of my face hurt badly. Was... Was I just punched? More importantly, though, why didn't I try to block it? 

I could leave my stuff here and come back tomorrow. My top concern was leaving here safely. I'd run home and walk to work tomorrow if need be. I turned around and ran in the opposite direction. I felt dizzy. The alleyway to my right seemed like a terrible idea- and there was nothing for me if I went straight. So, I turned left into the road without looking. 

There was a blistering pain in my side and I suddenly realized why I wasn't followed into the street. Let me explain-

As children, we are taught various things. Two of the most important things were to look both ways before crossing a street, and to not take anything consumable from strangers. Law wasn't a stranger, but Ren was. If you weren't hovered over constantly, you likely disregarded one of those rules at least once in your life. As the narrator, I expect that some of you reading this didn't disregard that, and you were good children. I wasn't a good child, though, and I knew from reading smut under the age of eighteen-- and from schooling-- that you shouldn't take consumables from strangers. I had about nine years to learn that. I had no excuse to be this idiotic. 

I was in pain. I laid on the asphalt of the street, with the loud hum of a motorcycle coming from above me. I managed to barely open my eyes, but my glasses were knocked to some location that wasn't near me. The light bleeding from the headlight made it near impossible for me to figure out what was going on. I saw Law's figure sit on the curb, almost like he was waiting for something. He seemed a bit panicked, but chose to sit this one out. Wasn't this the guy who nailed me across the face very suddenly a bit ago? Why was he worried? 

The last thing I noticed was that the driver, a young adult man who was dressed in all black, didn't panic at all. It was like this was planned- but what in my life wasn't planned out for me? I knew something like this would take me eventually...

...Except it didn't. Instead of hell, or perhaps becoming a vengeful ghost, I woke up in the middle of nowhere. I didn't know how to describe it, really. It felt serene, but I couldn't help but panic at the lack of... anything. Everything was grey, and water lapped at my ankles as I struggled to stand. My torso was crushed inwards, but it didn't hurt or bleed like it should've. I took a few steps forward, watching as my surroundings barely changed. Was this purgatory? There was nobody else here, though, so that couldn't be a possibility. I figured that this wasn't hell, and there had to be something here. 

I stumbled aimlessly through the grey expanse. I wandered for what seemed like centuries. I stopped when I saw someone else. They weren't human- but they were... alive? It was worth a shot, at any rate. "Hey- uh- where am I?"

"Right... I thought somebody showed up. This is The River." I looked around as they motioned around themself. They hovered in the air, supported by their big grey wings. 

Everything around here was so... dull. I shook it off and started walking again. "Please stop. Everybody wanders but... nobody ever finds anything. There isn't an end to this." They flew in front of me and spread their arms. "If you don't stop walking, you're going to become a lich. Who wants that? If you lay down... you can pass on." 

I stood my ground. "No thanks... so let me guess-"

"-Yes, you're dead."

I looked down at the ground, my eyes a bit wide. "Ah... I'm dead, then..." 

"Yes, I've already said it-" They flew around me and inspected my wounds. "Likely from organ failure first, if you held out a bit longer then..."

"Bleeding out?" I rubbed the back of my head, feeling dazed.

"Yeah, most likely. How'd that happen?" 

I took a moment to remember what had landed me here. I must've... really died on the mortal plane, then. "Got hit by a motorcycle. I think the guy really tried to kill me, and it wasn't an accident... yeah..." I thought a bit more. "...Got punched and chased. Tried to cross the street. Didn't look." 

They seemed a bit interested and taken aback, like this was the most interesting thing that'd happen in years. "Wow, alright... That's a hell of a story. What'd you drink?"

I put my hand to my head to try and ease the throbbing pain coming from it. "Ah... I don't know?"

The creature sat on the ground and I followed. He told me to lay down- not sit down. My head wouldn't be touching the ground anytime soon. "Must've been... kinda scary. Sorry about that." 

I paused for a moment. "Yeah. I think I was drugged. It dulled my senses a bit, so dying wasn't too bad." 

"Date rape? That's pretty... yikes I'm so-"

I threw up my hands. "No! No- I don't think that was his intention at all!" You... I thought for a moment before letting it go. I had a hard time formulating a sentence to... you. Who are you, even, if you do exist? 

We sat in silence for a while, the warm water drenching my pants. The water was shallow- I doubted you could actually drown in it. I shifted from side to side as the being began hovering in the air. "I'm... Basil."

They seemed to already know this, but entertained my dialogue to them anyway. "That's a fitting name..." I looked down, running my fingers through the water. "...I'm Ashe. Are you ready?"

I looked up at them. "For?"

"To pass on, I mean." 

I looked around. I had unfinished business. I couldn't do it. "I want to be a monster. Let me go back-"

"-I- well- I shouldn't let you do that. It's painful and it's just... terrible. You'll grow to hate your former race, surely- for nobody can understand what you'd been through." I stood up, ready to challenge them. 

"So... you said should. So you can let me go back?"

They hesitated a bit. "Yes- but I really shouldn't. I could get in trouble... Even then, I'm frail. In a fight, I wouldn't win against you." 

Despite my physical injury... "Damn right you wouldn't, and I'm willing to knock you to next week." Imagine getting run over by a motorcycle, then you get up after. Sure, I'll be in pain, but imagine how much I'll scare bystanders. It'll be hilarious. 

"It's... much better to pass on. I'll leave you be, just don't lay down if this is something you want. Please- think this over." 

They were gone as fast as I had found them. I looked around. How long would I be standing around for? Not long, apparently, because my body started burning. I sat on the ground, but that made it worse. It seemed that the water was also getting hotter. There should've been steam- but I suppose The River doesn't follow the laws of physics. I knew laying down would take the pain away, but I couldn't do it. I had so much to do. I'd take any pain to go back, because I wanted answers. Why had I been drugged? Why was I punched by someone I fell in love with and called a friend? 

I had already experienced the worst pain of all- that pain being death. I could take this. I tried to breathe calmly, trying to relieve the anxiety I felt. I passed out from the pain, but I was sitting up. From prior experience, I wouldn't fall back. The only reason why I would pass on is because of outside influence. 

I was seemingly right, because I woke up on the street again. My side was as good as new, but god it hurt. Everybody had seemingly left, except for Law, who was hovering over me and watching my expression. He seemed happy, then shocked. I winced in pain after sitting up, and battled against the pain anyway. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes as Law backed up, putting his hand on my back. He was still here- I couldn't have been passed out for long. "How... How are you alive...?"

I knew that he knew the answer to this question. He lifted my body and tried his best not to change how I was positioned. I winced in pain. "I just won't... die." I let my head lull to the side and I closed my eyes. I wanted to say I was built differently, but this wasn't the time for funny remarks. 

"Don't sleep- I know it's tempting but... we'll fix you." He ran back to my car, trying not to bounce me. I sighed, then stopped because it made the pain worse. "So you-"

"-Ashe was... kind of a dick. I suppose... they let me do this... so." I had figured it out earlier. It was why he separated himself from humans. We had both died, likely in different ways, and we both chose to keep fighting. He chuckled lightly. "I have so... many questions... I don't know where to start." 

He set me down in the passenger seat and fished through my clothing for my keys. He found them and got in the driver's seat, turning on the car. "I'll answer as many of them as I can, but you're the primary concern right now..." 

Everything was like a blur. I barely remembered getting back to his place. He carried me through the lobby, telling concerned bystanders that I had just gotten drunk and I'd passed out. It must've sounded convincing, because most stopped at that point. If they didn't, he told them firmly to go away, and they did. He stepped into the elevator and hit the button for his floor. "Are you doing okay?"

I opened my eyes a bit more, staring up at him. He looked concerned, but there was a faint impression of a smile on his face. I let my eyes close again.

I must've fallen asleep for a period of time, because I woke up laying on his bed. The pain was bearable now, and I sat up. He heard me and rushed over, motioning for me to lay down again. "Be careful- you don't want to agitate your body." I looked at the layout of the familiar green apartment. I wanted to be here again someday, just not like this. 

"Ren... What happened?" 

"I don't..." He looked down. "I don't care about Ren. What do you want to eat? You... really should eat." 

I looked at the clock. It was broad daylight. "I... work..." 

I reached to swing over to grab my phone, but he pressed me against the bed with his hand. "Taken care of. Told them you got hit by a motorcycle. They said they'll keep your stuff safe." 

I sighed and looked at the wall. I didn't feel like eating right now. "You're experienced... order what you think is best..." 

I heard him get up and grab his phone. I sat up and moved to look out of the window. I watched as cars passed by and cats sat on caged balconies. I missed what most of the phone call was about, but Law was quickly back at my side. "We'll get your important stuff together, don't worry."

I looked at him. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean-" He grabbed my hands. "-You're like me... I can't let you leave. Not again." He brushed at my hair and I pulled away. 

"I don't- I can't-" 

"It's closer to work," he motioned outside of the window, "this is a really nice building, you'll see. I'll fix my sleep schedule for you- and I'm the one who knows about your condition. What if something were to happen to you?" He grabbed my hands again and rubbed at my knuckles. "It's a... hard and sudden adjustment, but you'll be okay..." 

Was I kidnapped? Getting out of this wasn't a smart decision, though. "I wish I had someone to help me... when I died. This will be good, you'll see. We can save up for a bigger place, and we can make as many bracelets as you want-" 

I opened my mouth to reply, but couldn't find suitable words to say. I was just left wondering what the hell I had done. "I'll get to see you when you work... I can't wait to witness your talent." He brushed the side of my face and I flinched away. "It'll be alright- please don't scream or anything- it's like you're moving in. Actually... you are- this isn't kidnapping-"

So it's more like I'm being held hostage... okay. I didn't know why I was complaining, actually. No- maybe the real pain came with being with him... when I wasn't really with him. The nonconsensual captive situation here is pretty iffy too. You might be a bit taken aback right now, or you might be groaning, I can't really tell which... I could before, but now? It's like you're barely there, if at all. 

My fate is planned out. "This is... rough. It'll work... though." 

He smiled at me and sat down next to me. "How do you feel?" 

I moved around a bit. "It doesn't hurt that badly, what did you do?"

This was planned to happen from the beginning. Meaning, it doesn't matter when I do something at this point, the outcome will be the same. "I gave you that numbing medicine from last time, remember? You were asleep so... it was pretty easy to actually give it to you." 

We're nearing the end, so it's now or never. "I love you. That's the only reason why I'm even remotely okay with this." 

He ran his hand through my hair. "I love you too. Are you alright enough to go get stuff from your house?"


End file.
